Buying an engagement ring - save or credit?

puffinmuffin

ringo_24601 wrote: »

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Just enjoy being a couple. Don't add extra pressure to the relationship through this. He'll propose when he's ready. Or he just enjoys things how they are at the moment, and won't get off his lazy backside to change his life. Could be either

I do agree with you on all of this. Strange thing is, it's always him who initiates conversations about weddings and gets me to point out which rings i like etc (i deliberately try to never bring it up!) We only had a talk about it yesterday because of something he said at a wedding on sat. everyone was congratulating a newly engaged couple in our circle and he made a joke (quietly to me) about me being the only one without a ring, i had a massive sense of humour failure about this and told him off!

busiscoming2

Personally I would want him to pay off all his debts first, but surely buying the tv has added to them??? Men see things differently from us women, we know that, so dont try to understand his logic. Maybe marriage isnt a big deal to him at the moment. Either be patient or buy the ring yourself!

Pee

I think he is being sensible not wanting to buy a ring on credit. I don't know about the buying a TV on credit. I guess that isn't very sensible but I think most people would see a new tv as an essential whereas clearly an engagement ring isn't. (I have to say I don't feel this way about a tv, but I know a lot of people who do and it is a very cheap form of entertainment.)

I think what is bothering you is the tv is more important to him that the engagement and marriage. Probably. That doesn't mean that he doesn't want to get married, just that he doesn't feel any urgency.

If he bought you a cheap engagement ring which you say you would be happy with I wonder how you would feel a few years down the line. I don't know what you mean by cheap. By cheap I mean under £100.

If he will have paid his debts off by the beginning of next year, I suggest you reconsider your options this time next year. If he hasn't started saving then, it clearly isn't a priority and you need to talk about how important it is to both of you.

Person_one

You don't actually need a ring to be engaged, just for both of you to agree that you will get married.

If you told him you'd decided rings were an outdated symbol of ownership and oppression and you didn't want one at all so hoorah you can get engaged right now! What would he say?

Marriage isn't the be all and end all, and I do think its a good idea for both parties to be debt free before legaly and financially tying themselves to each other, but if marriage is what you want and he doesn't, you have a lot of thinking to do.

MarieAAP

When my OH proposed, we knew we couldn't get married straight away, but by having a ring on finger, felt right by both of us.

Lucky for us, we managed to find a 18carat diamond ring 2nd hand. So I have a ring for £350 instead of £550! I would rather hv had a ring on my finger than none at all.

Just another point of view.
M

Any

Sorry OP, but from all you've said I think he knows you are the type of girl who likes marriage and engagements (completely understandable, some of us believe in it some don't - doesn't mean that you shouldn't want it) and he is just leading you on.

That is why he talks about it - to make you think it's going to happen and not to give up now when you are so close but he is not doing anything about it.

As you say - ring doesn't have to be expensive. As another man on here said - if he wanted to get married to a woman he loves he would do anything.

JokerDurden

Engagement ring - Its more of the statement it means than the actual value of the ring that should be taken into consideration.

Wedding ring - same as above

Eternity ring - thats when you can get her the ring she deserves

The_Next_Verse

mwilletts wrote: »

Looking at this from a males point of view (I am one after all) if I REALLY wanted to get engaged to the woman I loved, I'd do it straight away. I'd beg, borrow or steal to at least get A ring, even if I knew I was going to save up and get something nicer in the future. I think the money is irrelevant, if someone wants to commit they will. The fact that he's spending his money on things for HIMSELF probably means that he isn't too bothered about it right now...

Although I'm not a male, I totally agree with this point of view.

My DH proposed and bought a ring with the little money that he had at the time. We had a cheap wedding, and therefore cheap wedding ring and engagement rings.

Even though my rings are cheap, it doesnt make me love him or value our relationship any less. And even if we never do change the rings, I couldn't care less

I hope it works out for you though and wish you both all the best. xx

*max*

I have no experience of this kind of situation, but I just had a thought (!).

Do you think there's a chance he wants to surprise you? Maybe he wants to let you think it won't happen till next year, so he can surprise you with it?
I always thought a man proposing should be a surprise. All this talk about saving for a ring, planning to get engaged....etc...doesn't sound romantic to me, which a proposal should be IMO.
But then again, maybe I live in La-La Land with my fantasies of romanticism....lol

DVardysShadow

puffinmuffin wrote: »

My partner and i were having a big discussion about getting engaged, I am upset that it hasn't happened yet, he has debts which will be paid off early next year.

He basically said that there will be no ring until then, as he wants to buy it outright. (i should point out that i have said i would be happy with a cheap ring, i just want to be asked but he is having none of that!) He says he believes that rings shouldn't be bought on credit and that he has to save for it.

Now, up until now i have accepted this, i want him to clear his debts . What's annoying me is that he just happily spent £600 on a new TV which he has put on a credit card. I don't see what the difference is! To be honest, I am starting to wonder if i am being strung along!

So, what do you good folks think, did you (or your partner) save especially?

It all sounded good and reasonable until I got to the bit I highlighted.

I have to ask whether the 2 of you have compatible outlooks on debt and spending. If you are a cautious spender, I think that the 2 of you are destined to have a lot of friction over this topic.