Buying an engagement ring - save or credit?

puffinmuffin

My partner and i were having a big discussion about getting engaged, I am upset that it hasn't happened yet, he has debts which will be paid off early next year.

He basically said that there will be no ring until then, as he wants to buy it outright. (i should point out that i have said i would be happy with a cheap ring, i just want to be asked but he is having none of that!) He says he believes that rings shouldn't be bought on credit and that he has to save for it.

Now, up until now i have accepted this, i want him to clear his debts . What's annoying me is that he just happily spent £600 on a new TV which he has put on a credit card. I don't see what the difference is! To be honest, I am starting to wonder if i am being strung along!

So, what do you good folks think, did you (or your partner) save especially?

icklejulez

Iv had these excuses for over 2 years too... It annoys me so much. From the minute we met he hinted at proposing and then as time went on he lost interest although he says he wants to all the time. He blames the lack of money and yet he is happy to buy a million and one football kits for himself during the world cup and is constantly buying new clothes. When I bring up the subject I get told Im being pushy! Iv given up now... lol

[Deleted User]

Ah, the old hypocrisy of the engagement ring. You want to have a huge financial commitment sat on your finger so that you know that your bloke loves you.

If money is a problem now, just wait till you have to pay for a wedding

puffinmuffin

I have decided how long i am prepared to wait but it's just frustrating that he has these "values" over some things and not others!

Gleeful

Perhaps he genuinely doesn't want to get engaged until next year? In his head he may see that once he has paid all his debts off, then he is in a position to get engaged?

Anyway, surely if he's in that much debt, saving for a wedding won't be on the cards until he's paid his debts off anyway, so is there much point in just being engaged for the sake of being engaged? Engagement leads to a wedding, which isn't cheap!

Don't push him, as you may end up without an engagement, a wedding, or an OH!

puffinmuffin

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Ah, the old hypocrisy of the engagement ring. You want to have a huge financial commitment sat on your finger so that you know that your bloke loves you.

If money is a problem now, just wait till you have to pay for a wedding

He is the one who wants to spend the money, he says it's his decision how much it costs! I just want to be engaged and married (wedding will be small and abroad)

easy

well, my dh didn't ask me to marry him until he knew we could afford to get married, or at least buy the rings.

He proposed, I accepted and we went to choose the ring within a couple of days. I was worried about how much he could afford, so we agreed that I could look at any rings I wanted, but if he said "no, I don't think I like the colour" it was too expensive.

I got a very beautiful diamond and sapphire ring (which is still beatiful, 18 years on).

We didn't have a stupidly expensive wedding either. The wedding was at 1:00 p.m., 36 close friends and relatives attended a very lovely late-lunch reception in a nice country hotel, and we left at about 6:00 p.m.

Under £1000, no one got chance to get unpleasantly drunk, no one was offended about being invited to an evening do but not the 'proper' wedding (cos we didn't bother with an evening do), and no one sat there at 10:00p.m. wondering if they could go home yet because they had had enough.

And we spent the evening in a different hotel, alone together as we wanted to be, which is why we had got married in the first place.

puffinmuffin

Gleeful wrote: »

Don't push him, as you may end up without an engagement, a wedding, or an OH!

Trying not to, which is why i am on here ranting about it!

Meepster

Looking at this from a males point of view (I am one after all) if I REALLY wanted to get engaged to the woman I loved, I'd do it straight away. I'd beg, borrow or steal to at least get A ring, even if I knew I was going to save up and get something nicer in the future. I think the money is irrelevant, if someone wants to commit they will. The fact that he's spending his money on things for HIMSELF probably means that he isn't too bothered about it right now...

[Deleted User]

puffinmuffin wrote: »

Trying not to, which is why i am on here ranting about it!

Women don't normally understand the 'modern pressure' that is put onto blokes to propose (mostly through the media). It use to be that you could get away with a casual "do you want to get married; sounds like a good idea' proposal. Now there's a mentality that you need to be prepared to sweep them away in a hot air balloon and present a 2ct rock.

Just enjoy being a couple. Don't add extra pressure to the relationship through this. He'll propose when he's ready. Or he just enjoys things how they are at the moment, and won't get off his lazy backside to change his life. Could be either

diable

does a ring or marriage make everything better?