It's over... now what?

Pee

I think I must have misunderstood.

I understood that you were paying for the car and treats and to pay off your debts.

I understood that she was paying the mortgage and all the bills associated with the house.

To me that doesn't seem like both of you paying your share, rather that she is supporting you whilst you repay your debts.

I suppose it depends on the level of debts, but surely noone realy likes paying the council tax and would rather be paying for a holiday?

ZootHornRollo

i pay for the van (of which i am the main user for travelling to work but it is our family car) - all expenses fuel, tax, insurance, MOT, repairs etc.
I pay our debts
I pay for trips away in the caravan
We split all grocery shopping, things we need to buy for the house - appliances etc
She pays the rent, council tax, bills etc.

anyhow... the finances were not a problem in the relationship... the finances are a problem outside the relationship.

Errata

anyhow... the finances were not a problem in the relationship... the finances are a problem outside the relationship

Open your eyes. All your posts have emphasised the money situation. None of them mention that you love her desparately and will do anything to regain her love.

ZootHornRollo

!!!!!!... what do you want. a tear jerking story of heartbreak???

I have already stated i love her. For me the best outcome would be ust getting back together but it's not looking likely.

apologies for being pragmatic about the situation.

I pour my heart out to my friends and family. Not on the internet.

Steel_2

My advice?

If your ex is talking about arrangements for this, that and the other for herself unfortunately she is pretty serious about moving on with her life and I agree it's not looking likely. If this is the case, you have to put yourself first now. If you want to focus on the debts and stick to your timescale, live with your parents. They'll probably be ok with the dog - a landlord very rarely is - and you might find you can sort out a very good financial arrangement with your parents and you are able to pay off more debt than before.

Yes it's a awful to consider going back home at your age and a bit embarrassing, but when you're fighting the burden of debt sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. You might find it's the spur you need to get everything paid off smartish so you can get the hell out!

Defo sell the caravan as well. You might be able to throw a good chunk of that at your debt. Use some of the proceeds though to buy a kick-ar*e swish tent so you can still go on cheapy holidays or to events and shows if you want to and do it in relative comfort.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Choc-addict

Hi,

Just wanted to pop and wish you luck, whatever the outcome, for your future. Sounds as though you are going through a tough time.

Perhaps a bit of time apart may do you good, i've done it with OH and it's always worked for us.

Take care x

squidge60

Maybe try telling her you love her and see about making another go of it.Like choc-addict has said time apart might be good it worked for me and oh recently.Just because she sounds like shes moving on she might not be.Good luck x

ZootHornRollo

thanks.

selling the caravan does seem like the right thing to do finacially but it would not fetch very much - about £1k if i was lucky - but it is part of our social life and an intrinsic part of our hobby, dog agility. Maybe i should just live in it! i'm kinda hoping i can convince her to come to the next show with me so for now it stays!

ZootHornRollo

squidge60 wrote: »

Maybe try telling her you love her and see about making another go of it.

that was plan A...

Alias_Omega

OP, this might sound harsh, but...

You could be trying to patch up a sinking ship, it might be time to have a think at which point you plan to jump off if things get worse.


Though if things do go sour, moving out fully and onto your own can be hard, you will find you have alot of spare time on your hands, and you dont really have that many friends you can go too. Though, overtime things come good and things pick up, and one day you will meet another person..and it will all start over again..

Alias