It's over... now what?

ZootHornRollo

Hi,

I have been with my partner for nearly seven years, living together for almost 5 years. Two weekends ago we trial seperated.

In a nutshell, we got into a rut. Basically living seperate lives with not a great deal of quality time with each other. Things came to a head when i stayed out a bit late (7am.. a once off, not a regular occurance in any way, even going out with my mates only happens 3 or 4 times a year) having been out with friends. There is noone else involved (certainly from my side).

I would really like us to get back together again but every time we talk she seems to be moving towards a life on her own. She talks of making arrangements for this and that while i'm still talking of us getting back together. I am back staying with my parents for now so we have a bit of space to get our heads sorted.

My issue is that IF i am going to end up on my own then how do i manage financially?

We always managed the household finances in that she would run the house, pay the rent (council house), bills etc. Shopping got split. If we needed to buy anything for the house we split it. I would run the car, caravan and pay for weekends away etc. It worked out fairly even. No big winners or losers. This includes me paying a loan for the car & caravan and paying off credit cards.

Now if we split she will basically have very little change to her monthly out goings where as i will have to find somewhere to rent. so will have all my rent, council tax, bills etc on top of the expenses that made up my half of the household pot.

I really can't afford it at all. I don't want to live with my folks for any longer than i have to (i am in my thirties!) and i'm pretty sure they'd rather have their house to themselves again. The financial plan was that i'd clear the debts in two years, loans paid off etc. That is just not going to happen now - I can't stay with my folks for two year! it'd drive me mad!

I'm sure there will have been others in similar situations. any advice?

ailuro2

Whose name is on the tenancy?

ZootHornRollo

all the household stuff is in her name. It was her house before i came along.

ZootHornRollo

i'll also point out that all the debt is in my name as she was bankrupt unitl recently through debts from a previous relationship.

diable

Did you take on her debt.............

smartpicture

You're coming across on here as if the only reason you want to make it work with your girlfriend is because you can't afford the alternative - and even then, possibly only until your debts are paid off in a couple of years!

If you're coming across with the same attitude to your girlfriend, then it's hardly surprising she's not convinced about getting back together.

If money wasn't an issue - would you still want to be with your girlfriend? If the answer is yes, I would focus on persuading her of that.

ZootHornRollo

i want to make it work with my girlfriend because i love her. i was trying to keep to the moneysaving topic of the forum.

ZootHornRollo

diable wrote: »

Did you take on her debt.............

no.her debt was wiped with the bankruptsy.

PicnicBasket_2

I don't understand how you work out that she won't be any worse off but you will be, unless she was financing a much larger part of your joint lifestyle...

You'll survive, but you might have to sell the caravan. Camping isn't the same on your own anyway. It may take time but there are plenty of tips on here about how to build up your financial security from scratch.

It sounds like she knows what she wants, but if you really want to salvage the relationship for its own sake, some honest talking and more importantly, listening is in order. Good luck.

ariarnia

Correct me if i'm wrong, but I read the above post as saying

Gf paid (say) £500 a month on household bills/food
Bf paid (say) £500 a month split half between treats and half standing orders to pay debts/food

If half are ongoing servicing of debts, then without Gf, Bf has to find £750 to cover the household expenses and food and ongoing debts should he move out from his parents. This is more than he would normally pay from his budget. Gf has no debts, therefore has the smaller growth in outgoings, having to top up her food spend and do without treats.

Pee

I think you were having a good deal living with your girlfriend.

On the other hand, it sounds like you wanted to go out more and as though the relationship wasn't really working out for you. Moreover if I was your girlfriend, I'd be having my doubts about your ability to support me and a family should we choose to go down that route. (Only you know whether these are issues for you and her.)

Agree living with my parents wouldn't be an option. Have you considered a house share? One option might be to be a lodger, freeing up some money for a better social life, opportunity to meet other women etc and you can then see how you feel about your girfriend?

Is living in the caravan an option?

Try putting an SOA on the debt free wannabe board as they will give you lots of helpful advice.