Toilet problems with 3 yr old.

dawnybabes

My LO was really slow to "poo" train - turns out he was coeliac so no relevance here. But I also tried everything - we had the best results popping him on the loo in the bathroom and sitting at the side of him reading a book so he wasn't under pressure. If by the end of the book he hadn't done anything - he was praised for having tried.

As I said his wasn't actually in his control but it took the pressure off both of us.

Quiet_Life

This topic was discussed on Radio 4 a few weeks ago. Sorry I can't remember the name of the web site that they referred to but if you google 'childhood continence' it brings up some helpful web sites.

Quiet_Life

I think this is the web site they were talking about
http://www.eric.org.uk/Home/tabid/36/Default.aspx

susan1105

I have twin boys who will be 5 this year. They started school full time a week after turning four. Every afternoon one of them pooed his pants would not tell me I would only find out by the smell. Not nice. Within a week of starting school it started to click a few accidents but dont worry he will get it in the end.

I know its hard try to stay calm there where times when I shouted at him but it will click in to place.

Susan

JaneRN

The only other suggestion I have is a star chart - maybe you've already tried this, apologies if you have. My neice and nephew (to different siblings) both had real bowel problems when they were nappy training. Molly would sob when having her bowels open and would pass a huge hard stool. My nephew went through a phase of hanging on and in the end the GP prescribed lactulose for him which helped a lot. This also helped my neice.
My nephew went from wearing underpants to going back into pull-ups for a while but is back in underpants now. I think it is understandable to become frustrated, I was frustrated with my son, who after being dry for a year or so started bed wetting. I tried everything and in the end just accepted it and suddenly it stopped for no apparent reason.
Try and ignore the negative comments, I too have noticed on this and other sites, a lot of people happy to hid behind anonymity to dish out their judgements on those less perfect than themselves.
I'm sure it'll all work out, but understandably it is distressing for you.

pigpen

If he usually goes at a regular time each day.. MAKE him go to the toilet.. his toys will still be there when he gets back etc. Getting engrossed in your playing when you are this age is incredibly common.. your daughter will probably do a similar thing!! You obviously are aware when he needs to go so it is part of your remit to make him go.. he is old enough to understand he has to use the toilet and he needs to understand now he will be able to get back to his toys sooner if he goes when he needs to.

I wouldn't put him in pullups.. it will not help at all. Unless there is a physical reason for him not going to the toilet he is in effect doing it on purpose.. he knows when he needs to go he has proved that to you already. The incident last summer which you say was a one off is not going to have had any lasting effect once the problem was addressed. Just a thought there though.. he doesn't have a fissure or anything sore on his bottom does he? A fissure is usually extremely painful and often bleeds when going to poo. I had awful trouble with this with my DS3, I would literally have to pin him and hold him down to poo and it would take hours of him screaming and refusing to go.. it was pretty horrendous. We had 'magic poo medicine'.. boys being gross he loved it.. (califig).. it made his poo magic so it didn't hurt his bottom.. 3 is a fabulous age!

Unless he has an actual medical problem here is no reason for this. If he soils his pants he gets to change them himself.. don't help him.. he has to learn it is not acceptable and he is absolutely not too young, he is fully aware. He can manage to change his clothes/dress himself and I am sure he can clean himself with a baby wipe (even if you have to finish off cleaning him so he doesn't get sore)

Do not compare him to his sister to him.. Saying things like 'how come your sister can do this and you can't.. will undermine his confidence and not help (I am not saying you do this I am just covering it) .. praise for using the toilet.. all men respond well to praise..

You could try a star chart.. 5 stars and he gets a comic or something.. I have never had much success with star charts but it is worth a try. Clean pants at bedtime = 1 star .. You will have to operate something similar for sis though so she isn't left out!

I hated toilet training mine and the boys are not necessarily harder than the girls.. 1 of my girls is still in night time nappies at almost 10.

It will pass.. if you feel yourself getting cross.. walk away or give him the things to clean himself up and leave him to it for a minute and take a few calming breaths and go back.. I know it is a total ball ache and sometimes you could strangle them with their own soiled pants.. but it WILL pass!!

andrealm

Is he still on the Movicol? If he is smearing his pants, it sounds like he is still trying to hold his poo in.

My 4 year old has had chronic constipation for nearly 2 years, so I know how frustrating it is. She's been on Movicol since February, was really hoping it would help her, but she just stands there crossing her legs trying not to poo.

MERFE

My son is 4 and he still has the odd day he'll have a number 2 accident. He potty trained very quickly at 2 years and was dry and done poos fine in the potty for a good 6 months then started nursery and it went downhill. Ever since the number 2s were a problem, we tried a star chart and after about a month this had been effective. He was dry at night before his older sister so had fantastic bladder control but number 2 were a problem and I've heard they can be for boys. I has a problem again at the moment but it is mainly due to a fungal infection he has so its painful at the moment and he holds it in causing problems. I'm hoping it won't set him back again.

My daughter was a nightmare, she leaked alot, was easily distracted, didn't care if she was wet. Couldn't wait when out till we got to a toilet (porta potty was great but don't think it helped her learn to hold it). She is 5 and only just dry at night recently. The only reason I think DS learnt so fast was DD was still potty training so he saw it happening on a daily basis for nearly a year before it was his turn.

I really hate potty training so you have my sympathy it is not always so easy as some would have you believe and its not a reflection on you, just all kids are different, some get it and are interested in learning it (most get bored after a week and move on to learning something else). I have no real advice just always keep in the back of you mind that he will learn eventually x

[Deleted User]

Thank you everyone for your helpful and kind replies and for not judging and providing practical advice. I really like the idea of giving him some responsibility to clean himself up. I'm going to do this next time, probably today.

He doesn't go at the same time everyday due to him holding on, but we are learning the signals if we happen to be in the same room as him he does get promptly marched up the stairs, but 9/10 he has already smeared his pants holding it in.

He's not on the movicol anymore, we've managed to get away from it, but it did help with his emotional state when he was too scared to poo last year. Now as i've said he just doesn't want to stop playing. If we catchh him hiding behind the hall curtain or under the table, we know exactly what's going on, but obv its harder when he's playing out in the garden and i'm not so aware of a lurking smell.

I try not to compare the two in front of him, i'll just say things now like "c'mon try to be a big boy like your friends, x, y and z."

Today he has informed me he isn't going to poo his pants, so we'll wait and see. I'm not worried about the night nappy, i think he could well be into school before he cracks that one, he sleeps way too heavily to wake up. But i'd rather him be asleep in a nappy, than me up all night changing beds.

So all in all it seems i need a lot more patience and we might need a trip to the shops for more pants in the future, as sometimes they are so grim i've just had to throw them away, esp when out for the day. I only buy cheap ones anyway.

PS. Merfe i think that's the reason why Molly has trained so quickly, she's had Jack to copy and seeing as she copies everything else he does, its hardly surprising. She rarely has an accident now and as soon as she does, she is stripping her clothes off to avoid the wetness. Whereas it doesn't bother Jack being wet or soiled and never has even from a baby.

Bitsy_Beans

Deleted_User wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your helpful and kind replies and for not judging and providing practical advice. I really like the idea of giving him some responsibility to clean himself up. I'm going to do this next time, probably today.

He doesn't go at the same time everyday due to him holding on, but we are learning the signals if we happen to be in the same room as him he does get promptly marched up the stairs, but 9/10 he has already smeared his pants holding it in.

He's not on the movicol anymore, we've managed to get away from it, but it did help with his emotional state when he was too scared to poo last year. Now as i've said he just doesn't want to stop playing. If we catchh him hiding behind the hall curtain or under the table, we know exactly what's going on, but obv its harder when he's playing out in the garden and i'm not so aware of a lurking smell.

I try not to compare the two in front of him, i'll just say things now like "c'mon try to be a big boy like your friends, x, y and z."

Today he has informed me he isn't going to poo his pants, so we'll wait and see. I'm not worried about the night nappy, i think he could well be into school before he cracks that one, he sleeps way too heavily to wake up. But i'd rather him be asleep in a nappy, than me up all night changing beds.

So all in all it seems i need a lot more patience and we might need a trip to the shops for more pants in the future, as sometimes they are so grim i've just had to throw them away, esp when out for the day. I only buy cheap ones anyway.

PS. Merfe i think that's the reason why Molly has trained so quickly, she's had Jack to copy and seeing as she copies everything else he does, its hardly surprising. She rarely has an accident now and as soon as she does, she is stripping her clothes off to avoid the wetness. Whereas it doesn't bother Jack being wet or soiled and never has even from a baby.

Don't stress about the night time. My HV told me they didn't consider this to be an issue until nearly 7. Getting them dry at night is hard - we still lift my DS at night when we go to bed. He's half asleep but still does one and it means less interupted sleep as he won't then wake at 4am for a wee!

The key is being consistent, so I would use a reward chart and his favourite sweets for incentive. It is going to be a long progress but stick with it, it will get better. I am loathe to generalise but some boys are a bit lazier and need a lot more encouragement. My own son even now dribbles in his pants because he held on too long because he wanted to keep playing.