Toilet problems with 3 yr old.

[Deleted User]

I really would be grateful for any advice please. I've posted before probably around New Year and things have changed in some respects but not all.

Brief background, I have two children close in age. In my attempts last summer ((Boy around 30m and girl 17m) I tried to get my son potty trained, previous to that no interest. I suceeded in getting my daughter used to the idea instead and by 2yrs she is actively dry during the day and 2 nights a week. My son is from this March dry during the day, NEVer dry at night but still has a poo problem

It stemmed from one incident when he was 2.5yrs and he asked for toilet at a farm, apparently he said he hurt to poo and since then we've had this major poo phobia.

Since then we've gone through the route of prunes, fruit and eventually moviol prescribed through the gp. This worked and for the first time we were in control albeit messy. For the last few months, he has lost his fear of going to the toilet but got very lazy. Quite simply he's too busy playing to go for a poo. He'll put if off, hold on, not be able to go when we sit him on the loo, or worse and almost daily poo his pants as he's left it too long.

Ive got to the end of my tether. My HV says if i can cope with it ride it out, if i can't put him back in pull ups. I really am not sure, we've come so far with his wees, he will now take himself to the toilet and "wee lke daddy" without being asked and flush, come back downstairs. So to put him back in a nappy at over 3.5y to me is a step back.

But any ideas to stop him poo his pants every day or smearing them would be a bonus. I've tried special sweets, getting cross, being nice and trying to be the first to the bathroom, explaining about big school and not pooing pants there etc. This seemed to work for a few weeks, then after a huge poo in pants he said to me "I don't want to go to "big boys school I want to stay in the babies school"

What do I do. My friend says its not me, as my daughter 15m younger is clean day and heading towards night and even trying to wipe her own bot now. Her brother has never attempted this.

I'm really fed up now and have said to him next time he poos his pants he's going back in nappies, he's said No. But i know it won't be a deterrant.

HELP....

McKneff

But he's still only a baby, he is 30 months, this thing at the farm happened only a month ago.
Children differ in pott training dramatically.

Stop getting cross with him, stop threatening him with nappies, ask him ever half hour if he wants to go to the toilet,
let him deal with it in his own time, give him lots
of praise when he gets it right, try and ignore it when he gets it wrong and encourage him to get it right next time.

Yes, it is messy, but thats what babies do, your mum probably had to deal with the same thing with you. lol

Please, please, patience at all times.

Rachel83

McKneff wrote: »

But he's still only a baby, he is 30 months, this thing at the farm happened only a month ago.
Children differ in pott training dramatically.

If you'd have read the post it says to put him back in nappies at 3.5 so that makes him about 42 months old? and the farm thing happened at 2 and a half?

I'd say praise and persurvere with the asking every 30 mins to go to the toilet? maybe make him concerntrate on doing a number 2 before he can go back to the task he's doing? like turn the tv off after lunch or whatever its back on after you've pooed?

my girl went through a stage of finger painting with it... Gross! thankfully that didnt last long!

peachyprice

30 months was young to start training a boy. Yes, there will be mothers who have had their boys trained early but nine times out of 10 boys are later to train than girls, they don't have the same inclination or sensation when wet and have no great urgency to be out of nappies. Please don't keep comparing him to his sister.

If you're getting angry with him and losing patience then put him back in nappies/pull ups. Having you upset by his performance or lack of it putting even more pressure on the poor little mite.

There's no rush, he'll do it when he is ready, just stop seeing it as a problem rather than something that will come right in it's own sweet time.

peachyprice

Rachel83 wrote: »

If you'd have read the post it says to put him back in nappies at 3.5 so that makes him about 42 months old? and the farm thing happened at 2 and a half?

So she's been trying unsuccessfully to train him for a year, poor boy, talk about pressure. Even more reason to give him a break.

McKneff

If you'd have read the post it says to put him back in nappies at 3.5 so that makes him about 42 months old? and the farm thing happened at 2 and a half?

Apologies rachel, i read that the little boy was 30 months and missed the part that he was 30 months last summer.

I stand by everything else i say, bless him, everything will probably be okay by the end of the summer hopefuly.

JC9297

McKneff wrote: »

But he's still only a baby, he is 30 months, this thing at the farm happened only a month ago.
Children differ in pott training dramatically.

Stop getting cross with him, stop threatening him with nappies, ask him ever half hour if he wants to go to the toilet,
let him deal with it in his own time, give him lots
of praise when he gets it right, try and ignore it when he gets it wrong and encourage him to get it right next time.

Yes, it is messy, but thats what babies do, your mum probably had to deal with the same thing with you. lol

Please, please, patience at all times.

Please re-read the post, the OP said her son was 30 months old last summer when she started trying to potty train him, and why did you think the farm incident was only a month ago? He is not a baby any more and there does not seem to be a development reason for him not pooing in the potty/toilet, rather a psychological problem which the OP has asked for advice in handling.

I don't have any specific advice for you regarding the poo problem but please don't compare your son to your daughter (eg saying to him she can manage to do it and she is only 2).

JC9297

peachyprice wrote: »

30 months was young to start training a boy. Yes, there will be mothers who have had their boys trained early but nine times out of 10 boys are later to train than girls, they don't have the same inclination or sensation when wet and have no great urgency to be out of nappies. Please don't keep comparing him to his sister.

I don't think 30 months is early for boys, I think that's probably about average, but it depends if they have shown an interest in using the potty and getting out of nappies. My youngest son was dry by the age of 2 and after I forgot to put a nappy on one night at 30 months and he stayed dry, never wore a nappy again at night. I've just remembered though that for quite a while after he was dry he didn't like to poo in the potty and would ask for a nappy on, eventually we moved on to laying a nappy on the potty and he would go on that, and then we got rid of the nappy. I don't think he liked the feeling of it dropping away from his body IYSWIM.

peachyprice

JC9297 wrote: »

I don't think 30 months is early for boys, I think that's probably about average, but it depends if they have shown an interest in using the potty and getting out of nappies. My youngest son was dry by the age of 2 and after I forgot to put a nappy on one night at 30 months and he stayed dry, never wore a nappy again at night. I've just remembered though that for quite a while after he was dry he didn't like to poo in the potty and would ask for a nappy on, eventually we moved on to laying a nappy on the potty and he would go on that, and then we got rid of the nappy. I don't think he liked the feeling of it dropping away from his body IYSWIM.

Like I said, there will always be mothers who trained at 2-2.5 , but most boys are trained successfully at 3+ but will then be trained very quickly.

I really don't get this rush to potty train if the child just isn't intersted TBH.

[Deleted User]

Thank you for all your advice, even the negative criticisms that seem to be so common these days on MSE.

Yes the farm incident was last year, my boy is well over 3.5 years and so i feel that this is something i should be addressing. Amongst his peers he is the only one doing this, all the others have long ago been toilet trained reliable and i am looking for ideas to help me achieve this.

I apolgoise if it seems i am comparing his sister to him but i guess its hard not too. I know girls are later than boys, but the problem is him NOT knowing its going to happen rather than PUTTING if off as he'd rather play than go to the toilet. I need to find a way of encourageing him to go when he feels the urge, than hold on and mess himself later.

I've tried bribery, sweets, ignoring, praising, pressure and NO pressure as peachy mentioned, but to no avail. I have tried explaining that when he messes himself he has to go to the bathroom to get clean and it takes longer, but to no avail. So i'm at a loss.

If anyone else wants to criticise me, feel free, i'm asking for advice, so if you want to be negative so be it. I see it so much on other threads i've become immune, in fact i had second thoughts posting this, but i know there are a lot of other parents on here. Why has MSE become so critical and negative since i joined 7 odd years ago?

property.advert

Not a boy but my daughter made incredible progress when she was around 2 years old and we got her big girls pants which she loved. We weren't thinking about night times but only through the day but as quickly as she progressed, she regressed. There appeared no logic to it but rather than be displeased or put pressure on her, I merely went back to nappies or more accurately the Huggies pull ups (which we've never pulled up or down !) as we've never used nappies.

She progressed to wanting to wear her knickers on the outside of her nappy and I thought fine, at least she is showing some interest and just accepted to move her along when possible but not to rush her. She's coming up to three now and though largely ok during the day, we still put her in pants at night and she wants to put them on.

The biggest thing we benefited from was getting an insert for the toilet and a sturdy but light child step. She will now go by herself, taking the step if she needs it and putting the insert in (though we normally leave it in and just take it out when we want to go). She is learning and making progress but whenever we have mistakenly put pressure on her, it has done more harm than good.