end of ctc, now what?

Jowo_2

The OPs son sounds sweet, offering to get a job and offer her all his money. This sounds mature and lovely compared to some of the threads we see on MSE where parents have extreme difficulty getting their non-dependents to contribute to the household budget, whether their adult childrens income comes from student grants/loans, benefits or employment.

Recently, there was a post where the parent wondered how to deal with his adult son who hadn't left the house much in a decade and refused to engage with any health or benefits professionals, hence they'd been supporting him since his teens.

Bugatti_Boi

To the following MSE Members:

babyharry5
kizzy2010
AsknAnswer2
AnxiousMum
Killmark

I AM HOME ALONE'S SON THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SLATING.

I think the stuff that has been said on her about me and my mum is childish ridiculous and out of order all of it being untrue. If you would of read my mums post properly you would see no mentioning of me being on benefits for the rest of my life and at point did she say that we was on the breadline. My mum only read of a few of your posts as she is really upset and made her feel like she is being bullied. My mum has supported me ever since I was born with not even my dad around and she worked long hours in two jobs to support me and my two sisters and only had to stop work when she became disabled after a accident that made her wheelchair bound. Im very greatful for everything that my mum has done. Martin created MSE for people to give advice and not shout abuse at people and I think that the people that wrote the stuff should not be allowed to be on here if their only reason for joining is to be abusive towards MSE members.With concerns to my mechanics course in college. I could not help the fact that I lost interest. I went into the course with high expectations and I felt that I got let down but even though I had lost interest but I will be leaving with my head held high knowing that I would be leaving having the basic qualifications in case I decide to choose to go into that career in the future. Also I cannot see myself getting back into mechanics just by working in a garage. I wish I didn't lose interest in it but its just one of them things we all go through sometime in our lives which we soon get over.Also I thought it was not very nice of Killmark to hunt out a post my mum wrote to try and find a cheaper holiday as my nan had offered to pay for us both to go on holiday because of the terrible last two years that my mum had trying to manage paying off all the debts my step dad left us in as well as the upset of him walking out. My nan was proud of how well my mum managed to sort out paymebbnt plans with everyone and not taking the easy way of getting out of it by going bankrupt. It looks like it will be just a dream now anyway as the reason my mum came on the travel threadd was to find something more reasonable.

For the MSE members that have given good advice thanks for your help it will really help me out for when I start looking for a job.

Killmark

Rather than being defensive if you have a look at my two posts, the first one concerned advice regarding a claim for JSA for you whilst your jobsearching..

My second suggested support rather than concentrating on what someone can not do, but helping them finding a productive career.

With a reference on your mother managing her finances better and an example of cutbacks as she would have been aware that the CTC wasn't going to be paid forever.

Bugatti_Boi

Killmark wrote: »

Rather than being defensive if you have a look at my two posts, the first one concerned advice regarding a claim for JSA for you whilst your jobsearching..

My second suggested support rather than concentrating on what someone can not do, but helping them finding a productive career.

With a reference on your mother managing her finances better and an example of cutbacks as she would have been aware that the CTC wasn't going to be paid forever.

Well you can't give advice one time and then shout abuse on the other. You either do one or the other not both

Numptytoes

Bugatti_Boi wrote: »

To the following MSE Members:

babyharry5
kizzy2010
AsknAnswer2
AnxiousMum
Killmark

I AM HOME ALONE'S SON THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SLATING.

I think the stuff that has been said on her about me and my mum is childish ridiculous and out of order all of it being untrue. If you would of read my mums post properly you would see no mentioning of me being on benefits for the rest of my life and at point did she say that we was on the breadline. My mum only read of a few of your posts as she is really upset and made her feel like she is being bullied. My mum has supported me ever since I was born with not even my dad around and she worked long hours in two jobs to support me and my two sisters and only had to stop work when she became disabled after a accident that made her wheelchair bound. Im very greatful for everything that my mum has done. Martin created MSE for people to give advice and not shout abuse at people and I think that the people that wrote the stuff should not be allowed to be on here if their only reason for joining is to be abusive towards MSE members.With concerns to my mechanics course in college. I could not help the fact that I lost interest. I went into the course with high expectations and I felt that I got let down but even though I had lost interest but I will be leaving with my head held high knowing that I would be leaving having the basic qualifications in case I decide to choose to go into that career in the future. Also I cannot see myself getting back into mechanics just by working in a garage. I wish I didn't lose interest in it but its just one of them things we all go through sometime in our lives which we soon get over.Also I thought it was not very nice of Killmark to hunt out a post my mum wrote to try and find a cheaper holiday as my nan had offered to pay for us both to go on holiday because of the terrible last two years that my mum had trying to manage paying off all the debts my step dad left us in as well as the upset of him walking out. My nan was proud of how well my mum managed to sort out paymebbnt plans with everyone and not taking the easy way of getting out of it by going bankrupt. It looks like it will be just a dream now anyway as the reason my mum came on the travel threadd was to find something more reasonable.

For the MSE members that have given good advice thanks for your help it will really help me out for when I start looking for a job.

I wish you and your mum all the very best of luck for the future, I hope you manage to get into a job that you enjoy. And have a lovely holiday

AsknAnswer2

I, and indeed others are as entitled to their opinion as anything else. I didn't "slate" your mother at all. I stated one word - "unbelievable". Which based on the posts made at that time it did appear to be unbelievable, to put it bluntly.

You stated to Killmark:

Bugatti_Boi wrote: »

Well you can't give advice one time and then shout abuse on the other. You either do one or the other not both

Similary - a person should not be in a position of being financially secure enough to book a holiday abroad then plead poverty a little over a month later. Particularly on a board where most people posting for advice could not afford to go on a UK caravan holiday for a long weekend.

Now you have come here and explained that your mother didn't pay for the holiday - your Nan did. However logically a person would bear in mind that at the time people posted, we did not know that. We can only post on the information which is available which suggested the above - that your mother was pleading poverty less than a month after looking for a holiday abroad.

On here, people regularly try to find ways to get around the system, and yes people will express their thoughts. I make no apology for expressing my view - I am entitled to an opinion, as are you and I am entitled to express that opinion, as are you. What I do not feel entitled to do is be abusive to a person, and I certainly was not abusive.

I stated my thoughts, which consisted of one word, based on the information available. To drag my name up and state that I along with others was being abusive to someone, when I was simply expressing a thought - and there is a very vast difference - that is accusotory and I do not appreciate that anymore than you appreciate the assumptions that have been made about your mother.

Works both ways, I'm afraid.

AnxiousMum

homealone wrote: »

i live with my 19 year old son that i was receiving £104.50 ctc a week for. he is leaving college in a few weeks and so child benefit will stop, his oyster card will stop and biggest of all i will not receive ctc for him anymore! i am going to be out of pocket by a large sum and no matter where i look i cant seem to find any financial help now that he is all grown up. he feels really bad about this and says he will get a job and give me all his money bless him but he has disability problems himself and is unlikely to find a job as easy as that.

he has been studying mechanics for 2 years but knows less now than when he started and cant even change a wheel. he says he has forgot it all, which i believe as he has real problems retaining any information and can only do the very basic maths. i am worried that when he tries to apply for jobseekers to help him get a job that they will give him no money when they find out that he cant take a garage job even though he has certificates that say different. his exams were muliple choice where the tutor would give them all the answers and he was too naive to see that by doing this the tutor was not helping at all. anyway sorry to digress i did consider income support but when i went through the claim form it was obvious that i wouldnt qualify for that either. am so worried we will not be able to keep up financial commitments that my husband left me with when he walked out 2 years ago. have i missed something?? is there anywhere else i can turn? or is it just a case of tough luck, you were lucky to have received anything in the first place which has been quite a few responses

Abusive? No BugattiBoy.....blunt and to the point hun. Your mum, and you, have known that CTC would end.

You say you lost interest in the course, your mum says you 'forgot it all' and can't even change a wheel......varying comments there.

I'm sure your mum is a lovely person, and has done alot for you. However, that doesn't change the fact that she's going on a holiday which she can't afford to do obviously if she's fretting about how to pay the bills etc., maybe a wiser choice would be to ask Nan for the cash to relieve her stress a little by being able to stay afloat financially - rather than relieving the stress by going on vacation.

kizzy2010

i'm sorry but not one of those posts could be deemed as abusive. as others have stated, there are many contadictions between what your mum has said and what you have said. maybe, before posting in future, you and your mum should ensure that ALL of the facts are there.
we can only comment on what is written in the post and from the way it read, she was more concerned about the money coming into the house than anything alse. it did read that she was crying yet booking holidays.
i have every admiration for what your mum has done for you, i know first hand how hard it can be, i have a special needs son myself and also an older sister who was born with spina bifida hydrocephalus.
my mum raised me my sister and my brother, for most of our childhood on 'the breadline', running her own business as a single parent, which brought little money in.
anyway, i'm rambling here.
all people on here do is voice their opinion (which they are entitled to do), on the info they are given, so perhaps before coming on here ranting to all of us, you should take a step back, put yourself as an outsider who does not know your situation, and read the post your mum made again. if you can truly take an impartial view then you'll see why people and myself have reacted this way