Affair at work - advice please

South_2

I was in your husbands position, and trust me, when I found out that my wife had been texting and then meeting another man, then it hurt very much. Like you, she 'loved me', but liked the excitement, didn't know what she wanted to, found it good that other men found her attractive etc etc. Our marriage finished very quickly after being together for 10 years. It descended into a very difficult, very painful and expensive divorce. And neither of us ended up particularly happy. And after three years, it's taken a long time for me to recover from a really difficult time

Myothercarisaferrari summed it up, what advise do you want. You know in your heart and mind what you want. You need to look at why you responded to these texts, and why you've been meeting with him.

What I would say is examine the reasons why you're doing it. It's not too late to stop, and work on your marriage. I do think if you were truly happy in your marriage, you wouldn't be posting a question like this, and more importantly, doing what you're doing. I learnt a lot from the breakdown of my marriage, and having had counselling with my ex and alone, you do start to look at issues you wouldn't have thought of when you were 'happy'. But marriage is hard work. I wish I known that a few years ago. I would have done a lot of things differently

Stephb1986_2

This might sound harsh but your loving the thrill and the excitement this guy is giving you, You know deep down that it won't go further and become a full blown affair you won't leave your husband and he wont leave who ever he is with (if he's with anyone)

You know what you have to do

Steph xx

clearingout

my now ex husband had an affair with our bookkeeper. Gave her a salary and a company car and walked out on me leaving me pregnant with our 3rd child. I had a hellish year - gave birth on my own and watched my children become shadows of the children they once were because his girlfriend couldn't stand them and was abusive towards them. 14 months later, he woke up. Woke up to the fact he'd lost his wife, children, and almost his business. He is up to his eyes in debt as a result of pandering to her needs and ignoring those of his family. He's had holiday after holiday but is miserable. He didn't see his 3rd child born and deeply regrets all his actions. He is about to lose his home to pay off all his debts accumulated in those 14 months and will struggle to get a mortgage again due to late/non-payments. Has he said sorry? Has he taken responsiblity for his actions? No! And that's what you need to do now.

I went through hell. But I came out of the other side. I am about to buy a large house for myself and the children and be mortgage free (thanks to help from my family). I feel like I have been given a second chance at life. I feel desperately sorry for the man I married, but not the man he is today. He's got what he deserves, frankly. No good will come of it. But particularly, it is your children who will suffer. Get to Relate and get it sorted before it goes too far.

pandora205

Perhaps consider some counselling to deal with your bereavement from losing your friend as escaping into an affair is a very dangerous direction to go to escape from this pain.

thorsoak

Dear Ginger

So what do you want in life? A marriage? Or the thrill of an affair - and then the uncertainty of "will he persuade another wife to cheat on her marriage?" Your choice.

FWTW, in your shoes, I would prefer to look for another job and look to save my marriage - but is your marriage worth saving? Again - your choice.

maggied_2

Something similar happened to a friend of mine only in this case there was a child involved. She couldn't see past the problems they were having (and don't get me wrong, she was unhappy) but she started an affair with someone local - before splitting up with her husband.

She is no longer with this man and in fact has had several cruddy relationships since. Her ex husband had a terrible time accepting what had happened but did move on and is now married to someone so lovely....

They get on very well now but she still says it's the biggest regret of her life - becuase once she'd ruined it there was no going back. It was like watching a train crash at the time and I do wish that I'd done everything to discourage her (not sure it would have made any difference).

Please give your marriage a chance first - put as much physical distance between yourself and this other man as you can. IF you can't work things out with husband then treat him with a bit of respect and let him go without ruining his faith in women for the rest of his life! He deserves that at least.

There's a reason that "the grass isn't always greener" is an oft trotted out clich! - it's true. Do you think this guy will stay with you if husband throws you out? He's the sort of person who thinks a frission with a married woman is acceptable.....

inkie

When you took your marriage vows you promised to 'keep only unto him'. An affair goes against this promise and no matter what the outcome will certainly destroy all trust he has in you. How would you feel if the boot was on the other foot so to speak?
Change your mobile number so that he can't text you - and i'd be looking for another job as well.

busiscoming2

Mark_the_owl wrote: »

The number of people on here who, on the basis of a few posts on a message board, feel it's acceptable to post vile abuse like this amazes me!

You know absolutely zero about this woman and to insult her like this is disgusting!

Totally agree with you. I daresay a good number of people have felt drawn to others when under stress, things in their prime relationship are going through a tough time or they are just a bit bored with their life.
The op asked for help and a point in right direction (which she knew anyway).

Obviously some people are very bitter.

robin_banks

Ginger_Girl wrote: »

One of the guys I work with started sending me flirty texts at our company dinner. Foolishly I replied. Since then for a couple of months the texts have got more and more explicit and we have met briefly on a few occasions. I love my husband but am finding it hard to stop this relationship before it really does go too far. I'm craving the buzz. I know I am risking my job and my marriage. I have never done anything like this before.

Yuor first on here in nigh on 8 months is re;flirty texts.

Not sure what your point is, though I can guess.

Mark_the_owl

robin_banks wrote: »

Yuor first on here in nigh on 8 months is re;flirty texts.

Not sure what your point is, though I can guess.

No doubt she's now regretting it as the morality police have swooped!