Being a single mum to a 2 year old and new born

tracey12_2

I am a single mum to two girls and I can understand your worries. There is 2.5 years between my girls and when I was pregnant I was worried how I was going to cope with two young children. I found a good way of keeping my toddler amused was to buy her a dolly that she could feed at the same time that mummy was feeding the baby and also had a bag of toys that I got out at feeding times only so that she was kept amused.

I also made sure that my toddler felt involved with the baby e.g helping at bath time to gently wash the baby, helping pass the nappies etc. Make a fuss of your toddler and say what a big brother he is and what a good boy for helping.

I found it really helpful to batch cook meals and then freeze in portions so I could just defrost and then not much cooking to do once the baby arrived.

I wouldn't worry about potty training at the mo as even if you succeed now sometimes your toddler can take a step backwards once the baby arrives.

My first baby was 12 days early and my second was 2 days early so I think each baby is different and comes when they feel like it.

It sounds like you are already very organised and once your new bundle of joy arrives you will get into a routine with both of your children and will wonder what you were worrying about.:)

Good luck

Tracey

clearingout

My now ex-husband walked out on me some 19 months ago, but not before having sex with me without a condom 4 days before which resulted in a pregnancy. ds3 is now 10 months. I have coped fine - far better with him as a newborn without my ex and his help than I did with the other two and his help! Routine happens, it just emerges and you find out what works and what doesn't and you'll stick with the good stuff and discard the rest. Try not to worry too much about getting things 'right' - I have just got back from a long motorway journey and the disapproving looks at the service station with ds3 eating chicken nuggets like the other two but I don't have the time to treat him in the way I treated ds1 and ds2 so I smile brightly and dare anyone to challenge me and they'll get a mouthful!

I am still breastfeeding, as I fed the other two also. Ex wasn't interested in him, to be fair, until he was 6 months old (massive conspiracy with the girlfriend, I suspect, saying baby wasn't his...) so the issue of how long he would have him really never materialised before then. He takes a bottle when with dad - very reluctantly and not without making a fuss according to my eldest. I struggle handing him over (my ex has been dreadful and still is) but it has to be done. Horrible though.

Hope it goes well. Give me a shout if you need a rant anytime!

choccybuttons

Hi

I would be inclined to put him in nursery for the 10 hours to begin with just to give yourself time to sleep/rest - perhaps 2/3 mornings a week. If you think he is away too much then cut it down after a month or so. The first 3/4 months with a new born are the hardest so give yourself as much help as you can.

JBD

woody01 wrote: »

Blackmail on the cards then?

I don't think it's got anything to do with blackmail. The OP intends to breastfeed the new baby so obviously will not want to be apart from him/her for long periods of time.

Jo_R_2

JBD wrote: »

I don't think it's got anything to do with blackmail. The OP intends to breastfeed the new baby so obviously will not want to be apart from him/her for long periods of time.

That was my interpretation also. I struggled with my ex seeing my DD2 because of the same reason and she was then 8 months old so I should imagine it's a lot more of an issue for the OP with a new baby.

mumof1and1ontheway

Woody why would I want to blackmail him? I have stated he is a good dad to DS. My reason for being undecided atm is because I am unsure how DS would react to have his dad coming round just for 2 hours and then leaving.. as when dad comes he is used to going for a weekend with him. Also I need to think of how I can cope myself with how often I have him around... as it's a very emotional thing to come to terms with having 2 kids to a bloke who cheated yet wants me back

I want him to bond with baby and see him as much as he can, but I also need to be realistic about this for my health and the kids health (if mum ends up depressed how is that going to help the kids?).

tiamai_d

Birthday, something he will enjoy and where you can have a sit down. Any good soft play areas in your area? Buy a cake and have cake and tea at home with family members, no more than 2 hours because it would be too much for you and him.

Breastfeeding, it's hard but you know that. It's also great at night time, practice feeding lying down, get them to show you how in the hospital/at home. It will mean you have more time in bed. Tv isn't as bad as everyone thinks and if you can sit down and feed the baby while your DS sits next to you watching cbeebies, great.

Potty training, leave it. Most boys are closer to 3 before successfully being toilet trained. You don't want to be toilet training a toddler with a newborn, nappies are easier for you both.

How long baby sees dad, well that up to you. Don't make any decisions right now, your hormones are everywhere and you don't know how you will feel after the birth. Plus, it does depend on how the breast feeding goes. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your decision either.

escortg3

Potty training will come when the child is ready. My daughter was 14 months old when i had her brother. We always had a potty in the house and when i fed new baby she would sit on potty and wow by 15 months old she was out of nappies. Second child is always better i think than first as they are not picked up/fussed all the time. My son was 2 weeks old when we took the cot of our daughter and put her in a bed and him in the cot. By two years of age i had stopped afternoon naps and they were both in bed at 6pm and slept all night till 8am. the toddler needs more attention than the baby so make him priority. Just enjoy being a mum, the rest will be easy:)