please help, life has never seemed so bad...

DancerSupreme

pocketshell wrote: »

Hi gembaxter
that sounds a good idea, thank you for that! my OH is working now, fraction fo the pay he had but its secure and wish he'd accept things as they are because if we got ourselves sorted I would be perfectly happy. I never want the stress of my own business again, just in the process of shutting my own small one down as its been costing us money for a bit, its so tricky to make money atm as there is so little trade unless you're tesco!
sounds great that you will be debt free before youre thirty!! well done ! think you're right about the small goals too, i get so much in my head and it overwhelmes me so I really appreciate that xx

I get easily panicked if I try and look too far ahead. It will take some time to begin with but before you know it you will be a year on and so much further than you are now. Light bulb moment is important because it is you recognising that you need to do something. Like I say my hubby took a while to get on board but now we are getting there.

One step at a time xx:T

pocketshell

Hi Jo
I so agree about the phone thing, I get in such a state that I end up never doing what is needed. If I'm having a bad day I dont even answer the phone or the door so I'm going to so have to plan for this!! lists sound good! Today is feeling a bit jumbled now and I'm going to go and do some mindless house stuff to try to zone out a bit, thank you for your post especially about the list for OH which may be very useful xx

bargainbetty

Hi Pocket,

Just a quick thought - if you are reviewing your grocery spend, make sure you do a store cupboard inventory first. By store cupboard, I mean fridge, freezer, cupboard, pantry, cupboards under the kitchen and bathroom sinks and everywhere else you stash things.

I lost my job in September 08. Not knowing how long it would be before I got another, I went through everything, and found I have a remarkably large collection of household 'stuff' as well as food, that I had never really looked at. I had seven bottles of bleach, enough kitchen spray cleaners to last until now (seriously, I'm finishing the last one this month) as well as scouring pads, over cleaner, all that kind of stuff. My shampoo supplies lasted six months, I still haven't used up all the moisturisers etc and suchlike.

Basically before you buy anything else, have a look at what you have and work out what you need to use up. Then shop on that basis. Whatever you save on those first few shops, you can throw at one of your cards/other debts for the month. It really will mount up, and you learn to only get the stuff you need, saving money on later shops.

Good luck x

Sunnylooloo

Hi PS

I'm really glad you had a chat with the kids!

Hmm about Hubby... as I think Jo and Gem have said, if you do find it hard to talk then maybe do something in writing - shame you can't get him to read your thread so he can acutally understand what you are really going through.

The agreements I got into with my creditors were all done initially by letter in a couple of cases I just had to speak to someone to confirm it was all in place and since November 2009 I have been on reduced payments with everyone (I even managed to have a two month payment holiday with my mortgagel lender - it all helped). Touch wood - the people I have dealt with by phone have been reasonable and in my case have accepted the reduced payments.

I've just read BB comment - and I now think I need to check all my cupboards!! Eeek who knows what I will find.

Also try the boot sale thing - I have had great fun at them and made some much needed cash.

There are so many tips around this site it's brilliant and most of all you can get some great support when you need it.

good luck and keep posting

LL
x

3Dogs

Hiya Pocketshell - just popped over to read your thread after your visit to Mousann's 'Frightened of my Future' thread and wanted to wish you all the best in your quest to sort out your debts.

One thing that would help you reduce your grocery shopping is to meal plan and only buy the foods you need for that plan - no extras - no impulse buys - and, after the store cupboard check suggested above, you can work your meal plans around that end only buy the top up items.

When we had our lightbulb moment in February this year we looked at our £90 a week shopping and thought we could not reduce it but here we are less than 4 months later spending £50 a week - and that is for 2 adults - just try reducing it by £50 or £100 this month and a bit more the following months

My husband did use to be like yours - if a debt cropped up he would hit the roof and storm off, leaving me feeling a failure and I had to sort everything out without his help. Now, since our LBM, he is fully committed to the cause and we are a lot closer. We do the NSD (no spend days) as well as Make £10 (or £5 or whatever you want) a day challenges - having a focus like this really helps as you can see something for your results. Don't look at the total, just chip away at one debt at a time if that works best for you.

You can make your SOA balance with cuts on your utilities, mobiles, and especially groceries and then you would be in control again - you will be amazed at how that will make you feel.

So take back control - don't let your debts control you - control your debts

Lots of hugs - I'll keep on eye on your thread to see how you are doing - and will see you on Mouseann's thread which offers great support

savingwannabe

Hello pocketshell,

what a lovely name. You have made a fab start in posting. Well done in visiting Ann's thread. She is inspiring all of us too! I am also trying to cut back spending due to illness and having to go part time at work. As a teacher, most of my 16-18 year olds work 8 hours a week to pay for treats. It is hard but i hope it will get easier for you. Please remember that you are not alone and their are many friends here on MSE.

hugs too,

slowlyfading

just posting to say that you can do this - £250 should be easy-ish to find if you put your mind to it you're in the best place too - these boards are a mine of information! chin up x

DEBTFREEWANNABEE_2

Hello Pocketshell and others
this is my first post- although I ahve been an avid reader for months. This forum has helped me with my debt problems.

I agree with everyone- the worst part is actually admitting you have a problem and knowing how great it is! I have a rought idea!!! took loans out switched credit cards etc etc. paid off debt- racked it up again- and honestly, it's not like I live the lifestyle of a rock star. Basically, I got in a rut- got a loan- struggled with payments took cash out to pay loan. they thought what's another £100 on cc then before you knew it £30k plus debt. easy right! The first tiem I heard how much I owed I felt physically sick- writing it down again was awful.
I was living in an od, earning a good wage but struggling to get to £0 everymonth- the then the cycle began. I ahve a bf- we don't live togetrh. he's fab with money and does always say can we afford that etc etc. I dindt tell him how much- lied, hid things. UNtil I coldn't sleep, would cry- ask for money for petrol, milk food etc etc. Then I came on here- and read the advice- debt crisis- thought- that's not me!!! I'm coping- not!
I phoned Christians against poverty. From the start they were brill. 2 people came to teh house and made regualr visits. Talked things through face to face- they took everything away and came back with a statement of means etc. A budget was set and they were gonna deal with the baddies (how dare they want their money back!!! ) anyway, 5 months on and I've paid off my car loan to family and made a dent in my cc. I have never felt so incontrol. Things are tight, but I am more conscious now on what I spend. I value every £1 whereas beforew my blaise attitude would make me thing- what's a £1.
Hopefully I'll be debt free in 3 years! I know my credit rating is shot to pieces but soemthing had to break the cycle.
The emotional trauma of debt is horrendous and it's easy for people to judge and say- how could you let it get so back. But years of bad habits, foolish decisions an dpretending their isn;t a problem make it happen.

So to pocketshell and others- well done for admitting the problem- seeing that its real is a MASSIVE step.
seeking help is the next. I can't praise CAP enough- and they do all teh work for you- send the letters off etc. You only have to give them the details. Also, they have a caseworker who is there to support you emotionally- there is always someone to listen.

You're not alone in this- we're all in it together.

pocketshell

Hi Bargainbetty
thank you for your shopping tips, I really do need somewhere to start!!! Went shopping yesterday and tried to buy dinner cheaply and I'm not good at it! spent some time on the threads yesterday and realise I dont plan anything, I end up in the shops every day and it drives me mad. I wasn't always like this but since money has got tighter I found it harder to do a big shop so ended up just going and getting what we 'needed'!! This afternoon if its quiet here I'm going to plan a menu then look at whats needed. xx

Wee_Jo

Just a quick note to say well done to you, DebtFreeWannabe - you have done amazingly well in a pretty short space of time! Although I wasn't in quite the same situation as you, I can identify and say snap to so many of the feelings and attitudes you had, like "living in an od, earning a good wage but struggling to get to £0 every month" - that's actually what triggered my lightbulb moment! I became sick of it and so peed off with myself. I was doing really well in other aspects of my life - I run a consultancy and seem v organised and together (ha ha!) and I wanted my personal affairs to match that persona!

I also completely match what you say on attitudes to money now about valuing every £1 - I am becoming thrifty and proud!

Anyway, just a quick note to say :T - you are brill.

Jo