Confused by male friend!

Ivrytwr3

Why play games? Just ask him! You tried to kiss me when you were drunk, do you like me or was it just the drink and you were feeling horny.

Be grown up about it and there should be no reason why anyone will be uncomfortable.

Be all schoolgirly, giggly etc and yes, things could go wrong.

Any

Just lets see what we know:
- he was hurt by his wife just 6 mths ago
- he would still return to her
- he snogged you but apologised
- his sister doesn't think he fancies you in that way (as for relationship), the way she said it she doesn't think any good can come out of this because she does realise it is too soon

I think that this can develop in something more - a nightmare. I think he fancies you physicaly, but he is not over his wife yet. And if you start any relationship with him now, it will never develop into real love - at first you will be rebound person and after that... well, what do you think rebound person can ever become?

So you would end up constantly confused, moody, !!!!!ing, jealous and insecure.

I think this is far too soon for him. If there is an attraction between you two, then I think you need to lay off for a little and give him time to recover first. And if he will miss you he will come himself. And it will give him an opportunity to sort his own head out.

ema_o

If you think he would still go back to his wife, he is definitely not ready for a relationship. 6 months isn't enough in my experience anyhow.

I think you should find other interests and stop being so available, maybe continue to see him as a friend (and the group of friends that you have made), just not every Friday. If it is meant to happen it will, but there is no reason for you to wait for him on the offchance that he is interested. Meet other people, see if you are interested in them etc.

It might be that you are attracted to him partly because he is so hurt (and needy) at the moment, and as a friend you are trying to make him feel better. I'm not sure I am explaining this very well, but are you sure you like him for the right reasons, would he bring what you need to a relationship, or do you just like being needed? I am asking because I have been there myself and it was a big mistake.

Perhaps if you meet some other guys this friend won't seem so attractive (as a person) to you? Or maybe he will seem more so. I think if it is meant to happen it will, but right now it is too soon for him. You don't need to pick up the pieces for someone (although you can do this as a friend), you can be with someone who is mended and who can be strong for you xx

malibusami86

this all seems very negative

perhaps he DOES like you, the alcohol gave him the courage to kiss you - infront of his brother in law too?!?

maybe after 2 failed relationships he is just wary about taking things too fast, and not sure how you feel (after you knocked him back) perhaps he's thinking he'd rather have you as a friend than not at all?

we can all speculate but i would ask him, tactfully, or maybe you should kiss him, to show you do like him, and see where it goes from there?

good luck

Any

malibusami86 wrote: »

this all seems very negative

perhaps he DOES like you, the alcohol gave him the courage to kiss you - infront of his brother in law too?!?

maybe after 2 failed relationships he is just wary about taking things too fast, and not sure how you feel (after you knocked him back) perhaps he's thinking he'd rather have you as a friend than not at all?

we can all speculate but i would ask him, tactfully, or maybe you should kiss him, to show you do like him, and see where it goes from there?

good luck

Maybe I've missed something in the OP's post, but she didn't knock him back? He kissed her, apologised and she said there is no need for apology and why he feels he should apologise - in my eyes that is confirmation that she would have enjoyed the kiss?!

I think she already showed him that she fancies him and he would act on it if he wanted. But obviously even he knows he is not ready.

Bubby

I would go to his birthday meal, enjoy your normal meet ups as friends and sit back and see where it takes you. Maybe if you make yourself unavailable sometimes or a bit mysterious he will show how he really feels.
I don't see why you would need to back off, the guy kissed you (albeit drunk but it probably gave him courage). You can still be his friend whilst he is recovering from his break up and then when he is ready if you are ready too then there is no reason why you can't begin a relationship.

Bubby

llh189 wrote: »

Three weeks a go after a few too many pints when he and his BIL (who was designated driver dropped me home) A tried to kiss me, proper snogging like - not usual peck goodbye! I was very aware that BIL was totally sober, so didn't let it happen and brushed it off.
QUOTE]

She brushed it off therefore he probably apologised as he was a bit embarressed hence why he hasn't mentioned it again. The man has invited her to stay at his house, is also texting her all the time, sounds to me like he likes her but is still getting over his ex

woody01

Be all schoolgirly, giggly etc and yes, things could go wrong.

Or it could close the deal

Pee

He sounds a realy nice lad and he sounds like a good future boyfriend for you, but he made his move and afterwards worried that he might have upset you because you brushed him off.

I suggest you stay over at his place, to save any driving issues, and have a good chat, possibly a good snog and see what happens.

What does concern me is your fear that he would go back to his ex. Maybe he would, most people wouldn't. Although he might want to forgive her and be more hands on with the bringing up of his child, cheating with a close friend is a big betrayal of trust and it's unlikely they could manage to go forwards, even if she wanted to leave her new much older man and have him back. Something for you to discuss with him, but hopefully something he can reassure you about.

More concerning, you seem to think his being seven years older is an issue. If it is an issue for you and you feel that he is too old for you, then look elsewhere. You need to be really clear about how you feel about the age difference before you let things go any further, because that isn't something he can change or compromise on, he is as old as he is and you are as old as you are.

Also be prepared that starting a relationship with a friends fast forwards things to a crazy degree, if you know someone and love them for their good and bad points before you first kiss them then it's going to be a different timescale to someone you hardly know but think looks good in that shirt.

jimbms

Forget the morals, if you fancy him for a quick bit of hanky panky then go for it.