Confused by male friend!

Make-it-3

He probably does fancy you but also is still very raw from his marriage break-up. I would stay friends, go out in that wide circle and let things develop naturally. Forget the kiss, it was a drunken one-off - you knew it was wrong and he realised after too, even if there are some genuine feelings behind it.

malibusami86

Any wrote: »

Maybe I've missed something in the OP's post, but she didn't knock him back? He kissed her, apologised and she said there is no need for apology and why he feels he should apologise - in my eyes that is confirmation that she would have enjoyed the kiss?!

I think she already showed him that she fancies him and he would act on it if he wanted. But obviously even he knows he is not ready.

didnt the OP say she didnt let it happen because her brother in law was with them? that is why i refer to her knocking him back. It may have damaged his confidence and now he thinks she's not interested and doesnt want to overstep the boundary.

OP i really think you should have a polite, tipsy (but not drunk) word where you can both be a little more relaxed and honest about your feelings, sometimes a little dutch courage is helpful

Cissi

Just to balance all the negative/cautious comments and to show that it can work, I want to share my story which is similar in many ways! I'd been in a 3-year, relationship which I had seen as long term. When it ended and I suddenly realised that most of my friends were part of my ex's "circle", a good male friend (who we both knew) introduced me to another circle of friends that I became close to. At the time, this friend was unhappily in love with another woman in this new circle, and he and I spent many evenings confiding in each other, quickly becoming each other's best friend. You can probably guess the rest We fell in love very quickly, within 4 months we were a couple and another 18 months later we were married. 14 years and two children later we're still each other's best friend.

Oh, and he's also 7 years older than me

newcook

I think he does like you!!! If I were you I would go to the meal and stay over and see where it goes. Even bring up the kiss in conversation over coffee when you are back at his and see what he says!

IMO life is too short and sometimes you need to take a leap of faith or you could be left kicking yourself asking ‘what if’. You say you think he might go back to his wife if she asked but that is a risk you may need to take.
As the saying goes, its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all!

llh189

Thanks guys for all your advice and differing views!

I am kind of dreading Friday but still going as would feel too guilty bailing on him!

Lots of advice to think about though - would love to say I feel clearer about things but it would be a fib.

I am airing in the side of caution though, I haven't heard from him since the weekend - not giving me the impression that he cares about what goes on in my life - I probably just think he is lonely and is also trying to be nice.

So will keep things just as friends!

meritaten

thanks for the update! I think you are wise to keep things light. if things develop in future then good luck!
there is nothing more demoralising than being used as a substitute for the one a man really loves or just as a sex object. and this soon after the break up of your friends marraige you wouldnt know if either of these applied until much further into the relationship where you would really get hurt!

Steel_2

Personally I think he is interested in you and it only came out really when he was a bit drunk!

If I were you, i would take the bull by the horns and tell him gently he's a lovely fella and you wouldn't be unhappy if things were to develop between you if he felt that way too (although preferably not when he drunk!), BUT you are concerned that he may not yet be ready in light of what has happened in his life recently and would prefer to wait a while longer as you don't want to be the infamous 'rebound girl'.

If you are gentle but honest, I'm pretty sure he will appreciate it. But I really wouldn't do anything until the divorce process is some way through.

meritaten

Steel - I would say that was a good alternative to keeping things light!!! at least everyone will know where they stand!
personally I would just keep things light, but thats me! the OP may prefer to know where she stands right now so would be ideal for her!

Thats the beauty of this forum - people come up with things you would never think of!!

Steel_2

meritaten wrote: »

Steel - I would say that was a good alternative to keeping things light!!! at least everyone will know where they stand!

Precisely. And there's a get out clause that he can use if he does not feel the same way as she does and both can save face.

swiss69

Why do Women over analyse things so much....?

As a male I was devastated when my marriage split up due to an affair by my wife....

3 months later I was enjoying myself greatly with someone who I knew was really unsuitable long term and clearly she felt the same as two years on it fizzled out.

10 years on and I am married again to someone who does suit me and who I am very happy with but I would say take your chaces where you can and see where they lead because life is about living!!

An autobiography written by Mary Whitehouse is not going to be as interesting as one written by Joan Collins!...Go with the flow