Pregnancy's Best Kept Secrets

rchddap1

This thread has had me in tears of laughter. Not sure whether I should get worried about bean's birth, or bring along something to record all of the potential jokes for you lot.

code-a-holic

wobblebottom wrote:

9pm in the pub...5 days to go.. Not a sniffle of a braxtons or tighnings nothing, zilch.. happily singing away on Karaoke, tra lalalalaaalll a... 3 parts to the wind... then

3 Contractions 1 after the other less than 2 mins apart..

3 contractions in the new style parents car doing an impersination of ambulance,calling my mother all the FEMALE WOOFS under the sun,every time she hit a bump

2 contractions later out pops my DD.. at the speed of light.. bless

1 contraction more hello afterbirth...

45mins Start to finish... thats how you do it.., Now whats all the fuss about.....

10pm in bath.. ready for a rest n cuppa.. lol

hubby made it back to pub for last orders!

Fast ones are the best!!! I was in hospital anyway. Sitting on a bed chatting to midwives - they go to do some forms. I felt tired so lay down and felt like i needed a big cough and POP! Baby jasmine was trying to get out of my knickers!! I had to yell for help and they whip of my trousers and there she is still in the sack - no blood anywhere! Was home at 10am the next day making mince pies! Good luck to all impending births - no matter what happens it is the best experience of your life!!!

deaththecat

This thread has to be the most enjoyable I've ever read.
It's bought back so many happy/funny/scary memories, thank you all for contributing!

The *funniest* thing I remember about my labour was the darling midwife mistaking my OH for my dad!
Admittedly, he is 14 years older than me but still.....he was NOT impressed!
:rotfl:

skyeandeviesmummy

My second baby was the worse even though I had small babies 6 7 and 5 13. I can remember screaming at my husband as the mouth piece came off the gas and air mid contraction with both my husband and I fighting to put it back on I have never sworn so much in my life! Also the midwife coming at me with forceps :eek: saying we are going have to use these I though no you bl**dy well are not and before she had got to the end of the bed out flew my youngest! Its all worth it the second they are in your arms.:p

ooobedoo

I am glad you are all enjoying, I am becoming a complete baby bore!!!!!.

I NEVER THOUGHT 5570 PEOPLE WOULD OF READ IT, NEVER MIND EVERYBODY WHO HAS ADDED ABIT OF THEMSELVES.:j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :j :T :T :T :T :T :T :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

bikerqueen

2 weeks ago i haad a 62 hour labour - 50 hours at home then 12 in the hospital. wanted a home birth but it wasnt going to happen!

lesleystrawson

Hasn't ANYONE changed from a sane, intelligent woman to one with sawdust for brains (and this is 4 years later I'm talking about)?????

Chrismojam

wobblebottom wrote:

9pm in the pub...5 days to go.. Not a sniffle of a braxtons or tighnings nothing, zilch.. happily singing away on Karaoke, tra lalalalaaalll a... 3 parts to the wind... then

3 Contractions 1 after the other less than 2 mins apart..

3 contractions in the new style parents car doing an impersination of ambulance,calling my mother all the FEMALE WOOFS under the sun,every time she hit a bump

2 contractions later out pops my DD.. at the speed of light.. bless

1 contraction more hello afterbirth...

45mins Start to finish... thats how you do it.., Now whats all the fuss about.....

10pm in bath.. ready for a rest n cuppa.. lol

hubby made it back to pub for last orders!

Was this your first??????? I know my SIL (when she had her ...how many was it?....fifth? I think...either 4th/5th...can't remember...)...she was liviing in Stafford at the time......and the hospital was at the top of a hill...a shortish distance from her house....she went into labour...walked up to the hospital....within half an hour was at the window having a fag...(sorry...just got visions of Waynetta Slob!:p Eh, she'd kill me if she read that..........actually no she wouldn't...she'd probably laugh...and agree with me!)

Chrismojam

rchddap1 wrote:

This thread has had me in tears of laughter. Not sure whether I should get worried about bean's birth, or bring along something to record all of the potential jokes for you lot.

Ohh, do that, do that!!!!!!!!! And enjoy the birth of your child of course:o

Tondella

This is the sort of labour i am hoping yoga practice will give me

Knowing my luck i'll be in stirrups for three days :rolleyes:

I remember reading somewhere a long time ago about the french practice of perineal massage, where they rub this oil into the perineum in the days leading up to your delivery, and it reduces the likelihood of a episiotomy. Please someone tell me they tried this and it worked? But then french mother's are expected to get themselves together six weeks after the birth for the sake of the husband!!!!

Chrismojam wrote:

Was this your first??????? I know my SIL (when she had her ...how many was it?....fifth? I think...either 4th/5th...can't remember...)...she was liviing in Stafford at the time......and the hospital was at the top of a hill...a shortish distance from her house....she went into labour...walked up to the hospital....within half an hour was at the window having a fag...(sorry...just got visions of Waynetta Slob!:p Eh, she'd kill me if she read that..........actually no she wouldn't...she'd probably laugh...and agree with me!)