Real Life MMD: Should I tell on the little girl shoplifter?

pippinpuss

When my daughter was about the same age we went to the local corner shop. I noticed nothing but when we got home she had some sweets in her pocket. I asked her where she got them from & she said the shop. After telling her off I got straight back in the car & made her hand them over & say sorry.

I know I hurt her feelings but she had to know that I would not accept stealing from shops or anywhere else. If I had only told her off & let her keep the sweets she probably would have done it again, but by making her confess she realised she was hurting other people.

sbas70

Yes you should have told the mother, how else will the little girl ever learn that stealing is wrong. I brought some coloured sticks home from school when I was 9 or 10 & showed them to my mother, which showed I didn't realise it was wrong. My mother told me it was stealing & I must take them back. I learned from that & never stole anything ever again.
One of my sons about the same age also took some sweets from a shop & when I found out made him take them back & pay for them out of his pocket money & say he was sorry.

RuthnJasper

A discreet word with the mother is, I feel, the best option here. It's the mother's call on what to do with her child.

Four years old is a bit young to understand the consequences of stealing, but these things are best dealt with at an early age. A couple of years ago, I was in hospital and had to go to the consultant's room for an examination. Waiting opposite me outside the consultant's door was a girl, aged probably around 11 or 12, with her mother. The girl was being discharged that day and they were hanging about because the mum wanted to speak with a nurse. Whilst sitting there, in full view of me, the girl opened a bag and proudly began showing her mother all of the things she'd stolen from various locations around the ward. She'd got headphones from the bedside tvs, other patients' sweets and chocolates, a 'phone handset, all sorts of stuff. The mother just gazed fondly at the girl and grinned at me. I was utterly disgusted.

The final irony was that when a nurse appeared, the mum began loudly berating and insulting the poor nurse because they couldn't get a refund on car parking charges from the hospital!

I was very seriously ill at the time and didn't feel strong enough for an open challenge - I did tell the nurse about what I'd seen when the mother and daughter had gone, however, knowing they'd have to come back for at least one follow-up visit...

I'm sure the little 4 year-old in the original question didn't mean to do anything wrong, but it is best to nip this type of thing in the bud before such behaviour transforms from innocent ignorance into "It's OK to help myself as long as I don't get caught." later on in life...

I took a Milky Way from the local shop once, when I was small. I felt so guilty that I went back, 'fessed up and paid for it a few days later. That was the end of my heinous crime spree...:cool:

annei_2

Something you need to think about here is that not all children recognise or respond to warning looks - my daughter would have known a look which meant "don't even think about it", but I realised when looking after my nephew when he was little that not everyone parents in this way - he didn't know behaviour was unacceptable unless there was a big commotion made over it.

If the little girl in your example didn't recognise that warning look and if she hadn't previously been told or otherwise learned that it was wrong to "steal" then it wasn't "stealing" as stealing requires a level of knowledge of wrongdoing.

I've been amazed at the people in this thread who've said that this little girl shouldn't be stealing - of course she shouldn't - but if she doesn't know it's wrong then it's taking, not stealing. All those parents who made their children apologise for "stealing", you may well have spared society from the actions of your children growing up with no concept of "your property, my property", but you may well have sent your children a confusing and conflicting message about guilt and embarrassment. Explaining to the child that you need to pay for things in shops and giving the child the choice of buying the goods out of his or her pocket money or returning the item to the shelf is the sensible approach, but making the child apologise if they didn't realise taking the item was wrong - absolutely not.

To this end, if it were me, I would just mention what I'd seen to the mother and let her deal with it.

OK so that's the child learning the difference between right and wrong sorted, now ... what are we going to do about making sure the supermarket knows the difference between right and wrong vis-a-vis deliberate placement of child targeted products at child eye height at the checkout ... or could it be that they already know the difference but just don't care????

Cloudane

Yeah tell the mother. I think most people are actually reasonable enough to be embarassed, put it back and show the kid some guidance. Don't believe everything you read in places like the Daily Mail about the abusive young parent stereotype - unless you live in a VERY rough area, I doubt they'd turn around and start a fight.

As some have said, the supermarket probably shouldn't be abusing the childhood attraction to sweet stuff and pester power by placing it in front of them in the first place - but then do 2 wrongs make a right?

Other than informing the mother though, I think I would stick with the prime directive of non-interference. It's not my place to state opinions about it or to try and impose my own morals on the kid - that's the mother's job. State facts, and no whiney/high horsey tone either.

nicky376

I just fail to see the dilemma here. At 4 years old, a child still doesn't completely know right from wrong. I would just say excuse me to the mum and let her know what happened. Do it politely and let the mum sort it out how she sees fit. Best to curb things like this in the bud while they are still young.

lady_stardust

Time to go public...this was my MMD. It happened a few weeks ago and it occurred to me that it would make an interesting MMD.

I know it's morally right that I should have told the mother. By the time I had thought of the best words the mum and daughter were gone (plus I was late for my train)

Without wanting to make a judgement on the mother, I wouldn't have ruled out getting an earful from her.

Finally I didn't want to do it within earshot of the shopkeeper. She is a miserable old cow and I didn't want her to be involved and tell the child off when, as others have pointed out, she puts chocolate bars in a tempting place. If she wants to exploit parents by putting them in a place like that (so giving into a child's pester power) in my mind she should be prepared for a few thefts as well.

As a mother myself I would have liked someone to tell me if my dd ever did something like this, but the concept of stealing to a four year old is still sketchy. I would make it clear that is was wrong, but I'd be annoyed if the shopkeeper was not understanding.

However I didn't have time to weigh all that up...

Mindyloo

No excuse for turning a blind eye, especially if the mother might not have noticed.

As a mother of a 4 year old I would always welcome being told, and would deal with it straight away. I wouldn't appreciate someone speaking directly to my daughter however - that's MY job, and I'm teaching her not to speak to strangers either.

At 4 years old, my daughter definitely knows (and has done since she could talk!) that you have to pay for stuff in shops, and can't just take it or you'll get in trouble. I'm not sure she really understands it's any more "wrong" than nicking her brother's stuff yet though...

mollflanders

I would definitely have a quiet word with the mother. The child is only 4 now but needs to know right from wrong from the word go. It won't do her any harm to be told.

jacksgrandma

Four year old's don't know any better. I'd give Mum a little tap on the shoulder and explain that her little girl had picked up some sweets and leave it to her conscience ... I'm sure any responsible parent would deal with the circumstances appropriately. Personally I'd either make the child put the chocolate back or pay for it and explain that she'd have to pay for it out of her pocket money when she got home. Children need to be aware that there are always consequences to actions ...