FREE HELP TO ALL MSE'ers

Spikey_2

Caz2 wrote:

Hi Spikey
I'm sure you have helped loads of people by being willing to do it in the first place and for all your other input on the forums. I'm sorry, because I feel partly responsible for stopping a genuine, well intentioned and generous offer to this web site. However I do feel that you and Martin have acted in a very responsible and professional manner in keeping with the rest of the site. (sorry this sounds arrogant and belittling, not meant this way at all , I'm trying to get the wording just right)
I hope there are no hard feelings and have pmed you again to express this.
You have a big heart and I'm sure anyone who has the pleasure of knowing you, working or living with you will be all, very lucky people.
Best Wishes
Caroline

Hi Caroline,

No hard feelings.... we are have to do what we have to do... I am sure you had your reasons and very good intentions.

Thank you for your kind word.

Spikey xxx

Spikey_2

Saw this and thought it be good to get people's reactions to it:

Why men lie!

By Matthew Sakey

Men lie. Women lie as well, but it doesn't seem like they do it nearly as often. And while it's easy to dismiss dishonesty of any kind as wrong, sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that, while not necessarily excusing the deception, at least put it into some context. Remember, though, that there are at least as many reasons that men lie as there are men, and like those men, some reasons are good, and some are not so good. Take a look at a few of the more common reasons for deception:

1. He didn't want to hurt you

Lying to protect someone's feelings is probably the closest thing to a "good lie" there is, with the exception of lying to protect national security. Men have been known to modify truths if those truths would hurt someone they care about, and in some cases, the victim of the lie can appreciate it as a kindness. "I will lie to spare her feelings if I can," says Marcus, 29. "In a way, I don't even consider it dishonest... it's a matter of doing something kind versus doing something right. That's a difficult choice."

2. He didn't want to hurt himself

Ah, the classic "the truth would have embarrassed me" argument. Falling into the "nice try" category of excuses, a lie that protects the liar's feelings is a lot worse than one that protects yours. "I can't think of a single reason to lie just to spare my own feelings," says Tony, 38. "I suppose I've done it occasionally, but protecting yourself at the expense of someone else is wrong."

3. He said what he thought you wanted to hear

Men are not the most astute readers of feminine desires, and sometimes they will tell a fib because they believe that you'd rather hear an untruth than something potentially hurtful. "I have occasionally defused a fight by saying something she wants to hear, even if it's untrue," says Bryan, 30. "It's not something I defend, just something that seems right at the time."

4. Some things are best left unsaid

Occasionally, men will lie to protect a secret that is either not your business, would cause trouble if revealed, or both. The old "cover-up" comes in two types: a lie to conceal some wrongdoing, like cheating, and a lie to conceal something else, like the fact that he, too, used to be a woman. "Even close couples occasionally have secrets," says Peter, 29. "The fact is, not everything is everyone's business. Some sleeping dogs should be left alone."

5. He's an idiot

Sometimes there is no excuse. Sometimes men lie, for whatever reason, and there's just no defence. Frustratingly, such men are often adept at concealing themselves, so you must trust your heart and instincts when you sense deception. If a man is habitually dishonest, he's probably not worth your time.

Cicero once said, "So great is the power of honesty that we esteem it even in an enemy." While lies can spare feelings, offset trouble and protect secrets, the fact is that honesty is an unassailable fortress, even if the truth sometimes hurts. You must take deceptions as you take your men: on a case-by-case basis. When you've been lied to, trust is in doubt forever, but can also be regained with a lot of hard work on both sides. Use your judgement, and above all, be honest with yourself.

Spikey

MarkR_2

Just found this thread whilst having a browse about this site,yes I know I should be working (maybe we should have a "make this site thingy more boring so I do more work" thread)
Ok back on topic.
Hats off to Spikey for such a fantastic offer, you are someone who obviously believes in your work, and the world would be a lot better place if more people were willing to go the extra mile helping others.
I am realy agreeable with with most of the other comments put forward too.
Because of all the complexitys and rules/laws in place I can see that some issues could become a bit of a minefield.
I thinks its great the way everyone is discussing different ideas on this.
Right best do some work, or will be needing income support advice!

Spikey_2

MarkR wrote:

Just found this thread whilst having a browse about this site,yes I know I should be working (maybe we should have a "make this site thingy more boring so I do more work" thread)
Ok back on topic.
Hats off to Spikey for such a fantastic offer, you are someone who obviously believes in your work, and the world would be a lot better place if more people were willing to go the extra mile helping others.
I am realy agreeable with with most of the other comments put forward too.
Because of all the complexitys and rules/laws in place I can see that some issues could become a bit of a minefield.
I thinks its great the way everyone is discussing different ideas on this.
Right best do some work, or will be needing income support advice!

Thank you so much for your kind words.

Spikey