Relationship to give it a go or not

shell_girl

Good luck hun... from your short posts here I have a feeling you may recognise a couple of 'characters' from Pat's book. Numbers are in my sig if you want to talk to someone x

GobbledyGook

lazing_around wrote: »

Shell_girl, I'll have a read now while I can - I'm not at home

Money maker he would back out to cause maximum damage to minimum input - then he'll tell kids it's may fault.

he's already told them mummy told dady to leave and he's got to go & live on streets as he's got no where to go & that he won't be able to see them ever again...

I've come this far so I really don't want to back down.

Thank you all

Do you really want your children to grow up hearing things like that from their Daddy about you?

On of the things I am grateful for in my marriage split is that my children are young. My eldest is 7 so old enough to understand an explanation from me about it all, my youngest is 3 and is already into a routine of how things are and the one kicking me from the inside atm will never know anything different.

I think it's far less disruptive when they are younger because they adjust much more easily.

Good luck x

Money_maker

Heres a link to a thread by Julliff - a really courageous lady who broke free from her OH. Slightly different circumstances but he was controlling and also used the kids for sympathy. It was a long journey for her but she now has her Happy Ever After.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1741115

lazing_around

Hi Shell_girl,

I've just had a read and yes some characters do jump out. I know the relationship is abusive in the emotional and mental form, which I can see is what's happening here. The pesuader springs to mind.

I'll try and post when I can but he's also out of work at the mo, never goes out so I can't always post unless I'm out..

Thank you everybody, I just wanted reassurance that I am dooing the right thing. Friends are great but can also be bias!

Got to go now, but I will atch up soon.x

shell_girl

Have sent you a PM, take care of yourself and post safely when you can x

lazing_around

Hi,
8 months later and here we are. I did give relationship another go as I felt that I'd taken too long deciding what to do and felt that I'd kept him hanging on.
The long shot is that despite trying to make it work, the same problems quickly arose and the arguing and bickering continued. It all came to ahead earlier this month when I told him that it was over and I wanted him to move out. Things happened which meant I had to leave the house with my children as I feared what may happen if I return.

I’ve contacted womans aid and have now seen a solicitor. The trouble I have is that I left the house, which is a sole tenancy in my name. He says he’ll move out when he gets references to go into hostel as it’s a requirement for the ones he’s been told to contact. On the back of this, I delayed getting emergency injc as he wouldn’t get housed otherwise.

A few questions I have, sols have said nothing about contacting housing association to let them know what’s happened. I need to speak to council tomorrow about going into refuge as I’ve been staying with friends, which I thought would only be short term. But it’s looking like it could be a few more weeks now (to get funding for inj) and relationships are becoming strained.

Will the HA allow me to keep tenancy if I’m in a refuge? Also will I be able to change my address on IS so that he can put in a claim for JSA - at mo, we can’t as I have couples IS and we’re both down as living at same address. When I spoke to IS, they could do a temp change, but this meant notifying council of changes, therefore I could lose property as I would be classed as no longer living there.
Losong the house is the main thing I am worried about and no-one’s said much about it?

Any advise will be greatly appreciated.

Mojisola

lazing_around wrote: »

I’ve contacted womans aid and have now seen a solicitor. The trouble I have is that I left the house, which is a sole tenancy in my name. He says he’ll move out when he gets references to go into hostel as it’s a requirement for the ones he’s been told to contact. On the back of this, I delayed getting emergency injc as he wouldn’t get housed otherwise.

After all this, you're still doing what's best for him and not you and your children. It's a lot easier for a single man to find a place to stay than a mother and children.

He is still controlling you and you need to put a stop to it tomorrow. Get him out of the house and your family back in and move forward.

lazing_around

Hi,

I am in the process of doing this, but it is a process and will not happen over night. Hindsight is a very good thing and if I'd known he'd be this selfish then I wouldn't have given a second thought to getting an em inj. As it is, cos I've left it too long, it's going to take a bit of time to get one.

What my worries are, are re the tenancy & the issue with benefits.

pozalina

You might have got the answer to your question by now but wanted to say that yes, you should be able to keep your tenancy while in a refuge. My DSD was in your position and kept her tenancy until she was able to transfer to another property (she could've moved back but wanted to leave the area).

Good luck

Kimberley82

yes, you can grow to love someone again, and it can be even better