Wedding Nightmare - Might Lose best friend forever

Bride2be24

you are in the right here, if i asked my bridesmaids to fork out £300 for my hen do i dont think i would have any bridesmaids. the only thing i have asked my bridesmaids to buy themselves are their bridesmaids shoes (which they are fine about) just because i cannot afford it. as it is i am paying for their dresses hair and make-up..... if ur friend is a true friend she would understand your situation.......

Horace

Stick to your guns Pinky if your friend looks at you as though you are an alien when you say you can't afford things then she is not a true friend. I had a similar situation last year with my best friend (we have known each other since we were 13), she announced that she was getting married in Italy and that she wanted me to be there for 3 days - cool, I thought and then I found out the price £94 for flights and £500 a night in the hotel:eek: Needless to say I didnt go as I could probably get a week in Australia for that amount of money. I did lend her some white gold and sapphire earrings because she hadnt got anything blue but she didnt even take them with her and I had to wait nearly 12 months for her to return them:mad: I did attend her after wedding party where I handed over a wedding gift which she turned her nose up at (a villeroy & bosch covered sweet dish which could be used as two separate dishes for nuts - bought at huge discount in Bicester). Needless to say other than to get my earrings back I haven't seen hide or hair of her.

I have realised that maybe our friendship has come to an end because she looks down her nose at me just like your friend is doing with you.

I wish you luck Pinky but I would leave well alone now and see what your friend does, if she doesnt contact you to apologise for her shoddy behaviour then move on and find other less judgemental friends.

pinky2010

Thanks guys. Its just I feel really bad about losing a friend over this. I think some people might be dropping out which is why she is taking it out on me, but seems as no one asked me before it was booked if I could afford it, I dont see why it should have been assumed that everyone could have.

When i was helping look I was only considering accomodation up to £80, self catering, so that we could arrange our own food. Obvioulsy this was also ignored.

My mum had some very strong words to say about all of this as she knows how much it has been stressing me out for months, I get head aches everytime I think about it. But after this I will see what she says, if she doesnt have anything nice to say or doesnt say anything, I dont think I have any other option but to end our friendship.

blondali

pinky2010 wrote: »

I dont think I have any other option but to end our friendship.

I think that would be a real shame, if you have been this stressed then i'm sure you really don't want to lose the friendship. You've said your piece, you've told her how it is, best thing to do is just chill out about it, stop worrying and wait for her to come to you...if she is any kind of friend then she will! She is obviously really stressed out as well and it might take her a few days to work out that she is in the wrong, but when she does I am sure she will want to make her apologies and sort things out.

Valli

although a face-to-face conversation is a good idea, when people are stressed 9ie the B2B) they don't always properly HEAR what they are being TOLD
so, for that reason. a letter is a good idea as it's there in black-and-white to be read, re-read and then properly understood.

MrsE_2

angel13 wrote: »

dont get upset - this so called friend is not friend at all. if you cant afford it you cant afford it. most brides would do something that they know all their friends can afford so that anyone with less money does not miss out or feel bad or even worse spend money they dont have. all she should want from you is help with little things (not driving all over the country) and to have you present on their special day.

this friend is not a friend and you are better off letting her act like a spoilt brat with her other friends and just forget about it. i know you will feel bad initially but you do not deserve to be treated like this or worrying about money.

can she not just do a garden party/afternoon tea/BBQ at home at her house or one of the friends houses? this would cost next to nothing if everyone brought an item of food and anyone with little kids who cannot get a sitter could bring them along too if it was a non alcoholic day??? or does she not have things that need to be made for the wedding and all the friends could help do that along with some food and drink? thats the sort of thing I thought brides did just to spend some quality time with friends and not waste money that noone has :mad:

makes me angry that you are feeling bad - as i said i would cut the ties and end the friendship and focus on people that do actually care - sending hugs your way (ps not sure how well you know the groom but i would not chat to him in fb about it as things can get crossed and mixed up and could make it worse as she might think hes ganging up on her by bieng on your side then )

There seems to be a trend nowadays for very elaborate weddings & eleborate hen & stag dos beforehand.
That is fine when the bride & groom are pushing the boat out but in many of these weddings guests are expected to attend very expensive stag/hen dos & weddings that are a weekend in a posh country hotel.
Also there is a pressure to attend & fork out:(

My DD plans to have a small wedding abroad, we are delighted if people can afford to attend, but will certainly not have any issues with anyone who doesn't want to or can't afford to.

Stephb1986_2

Your friend can't be serious to expect people to pay £300 to be with her for a hen party fair enough if it was for the actual wedding and not just the hen party.

Maybe your friend should join mycitydeal.co.uk they have alot of good deals on there like I got one last week £25 for £80 of spa treatments that could of been something all of you could of afforded and had a nice meal and drinks afterwards.

I have splashed the cash quite a few times but now getting more money saving there is nothing wrong with being mse about it if you can. Some people could do with using this site.

If she falls out with you about this then thats her problem not yours she should of known that you couldn't afford it and said it was ok and that she is greatful for the half you could attend.


Steph xx

Lexxi

This isn't the point but self catering is a fantastic idea :T Brilliant suggestion, one of my friends has just graduated and the other is a stay at home mum, I'd hate to price these out of any of the celebrations especially as there is still taxis and drinks on the actual wedding day to get

Dizzie77

We did self catering for my friends hen weekend too - it was nice, there were 10 of us, and between us we all mucked in and
sorted the food between us.

We had a lovely time and nobody was left out - we had a BBQ one night and a buffet the other night.

cyclingyorkie

my sister had a hen weekend a couple of weeks before her wedding - 2 nights in a hotel and a trip to the races. I was sort of invited as an afterthought...but she knew I wouldn't be able to afford that as it cost enough for 4 of us to go to the wedding.

Still leaves a bit of an aftertaste.....but this was the sister I hid the destination of my wedding night from to make sure there was no trickery - eg clingfilm on the loo....