Wedding Nightmare - Might Lose best friend forever

pinky2010

i have already spoken to her face to face.

I have offered help with every part of the wedding. I have had to distance myself from that now as I was being asked to go to all across the country at my own expense to do all sorts of things, which i just couldnt afford. I spoke to her about money then as well as she just sat there and ignored me. On our last outing, I ran out of money that we took for the day and when I was asked if I was going to have more drinks or get dessert i said I couldnt because I had spent all the money I had allocated for that day I got looked at like I was an alien. ( I dont mind that, I had a budget for the day out and I stuck to it)

But it got to the point where I felt I couldnt talk to her about it anymore because she obviously doesnt understand or takes it personally (im not sure which one). Which stressed me out even more. And I dont usually get stressed about anything I am usually an easy come easy go type person, but I didnt want to take that attitude with my best friend.

blondali

Good grief I think your friend is getting a bit carried away in her wedding whirlwind! This is a time that should be exciting and fun and not upsetting for everyone! You have told your friend as it is and that should be the end of it, you have been kind and considerate and compromised (on you finances at that!) and you need to take a back seat now and wait for your friend to get a grip and remember what's important. This is probably really stressful for you all but sometimes just waiting for things to calm down is the best thing and i'm sure your friend will soon come round to your way of thinking and maybe look at doing a cheaper alternative, £300 is a tad steep in my opinion, particulary when you are then expected to buy presents for the happy couple and probably book accommodation at the venue which all mounts up to a pretty price.

shellsuit

If your best friend doesn't understand your financial situation and is having a hissy fit because you won't spend what you haven't got on something for her, how much of a good friend is she really?

She needs to take a step back and realise that she can't have everything her own way.

It's a wedding !!!!!!, the only thing that really matters is the vows she says with her fiancee and that they have their nearest and dearest with them. Everything else is just decor.

If she is prepared to fall out with you over it, then let her.

I would back you up all the way.

Lexxi

I think if you have already spoken to her face to face then an email would be better but a little less formal. It may be that she is trying to make everyone else happy and also get her own way too so it is getting out of hand, which is making her stressed out so she has lost sight of what is important.
I'm planning my hen weekend 6 months in front so I can get the best discounts etc, the others are going to think I'm so cheap :rotfl:

Sunny_Days

I have to agree with Shellsuit,-this lady is coming across as a spoilt madam who doesn't deserve someone like you as a friend.
Surely a best friend should know/understand your financial situation and not pressurise you about it.
Are other people droping out of the do at the last minute perhaps causing her more stress and she's taking it out on you?

LibbyR26

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago. The bride organised a city break. At that time my job was uncertain and I was really worried, as a single girl with a mortgage, about the future (to the point I was making myself ill.) The hen and the rest of the group, who I'd been friends with for approx 15 years, were well aware of this.

I didn't want to let the hen down so I decided take out a credit card and pay it up. A couple of months before the holiday my car broke down and needed costly repairs. I apologised to her, and explained why I could no longer afford to go. I didn't think it was a big issue and presumed she'd understand - I even paid for my share of the hotel accomodation so that no-one would be out of pocket. How wrong I was - I got a tirade from one of the other girls, saying how upset the bride was and demanding that I justify what I spend my money on! (which really pee'd me off) So I cut my losses and didn't enter into any more discussion about it. Since then neither the bride nor the rest have spoken to me.

I suppose my point is - don't underestimate Bridezillas and how precious their hen dos are to some. If you are determined to keep her as a friend keep the lines of communication open - face to face is probably better because e-mails could get misconstrued.

Alternatively if she isn't supportive and sympathic, consider whether her friendship is really worth keeping.

Good luck with whatever you decide

Ps I now have another group of friends who are brilliant - in retrospect the other lot did me a huge favour

angel13

dont get upset - this so called friend is not friend at all. if you cant afford it you cant afford it. most brides would do something that they know all their friends can afford so that anyone with less money does not miss out or feel bad or even worse spend money they dont have. all she should want from you is help with little things (not driving all over the country) and to have you present on their special day.

this friend is not a friend and you are better off letting her act like a spoilt brat with her other friends and just forget about it. i know you will feel bad initially but you do not deserve to be treated like this or worrying about money.

can she not just do a garden party/afternoon tea/BBQ at home at her house or one of the friends houses? this would cost next to nothing if everyone brought an item of food and anyone with little kids who cannot get a sitter could bring them along too if it was a non alcoholic day??? or does she not have things that need to be made for the wedding and all the friends could help do that along with some food and drink? thats the sort of thing I thought brides did just to spend some quality time with friends and not waste money that noone has :mad:

makes me angry that you are feeling bad - as i said i would cut the ties and end the friendship and focus on people that do actually care - sending hugs your way (ps not sure how well you know the groom but i would not chat to him in fb about it as things can get crossed and mixed up and could make it worse as she might think hes ganging up on her by bieng on your side then )

shellylovesshopping

I went to a local wine bar/club for my hen night due to some friends not being able to afford a great expense. We had a chinese at mine first and then went out for a fab night. We originally looked at having a spa weekend which would have been lovely but at a cost of £125 each I knew some of my friends wouldn't have come. As it was I had 16 good friends on my hen night all of which had a fab time and think we spent £40 each!

If i'd have gone for the spa weekend I probably would have had 3 of us!

My DH to be had a boys day out - karting/bowling/shooting, meal out and then onto a club. It cost £150 but only 4 of them did the whole thing - the rest of his 18 mates did "bits" that they could afford. He would have liked them there all day but set it up so people could opt for which bit they wanted to attend/could afford.

One of my best mates wasn't coming to the wedding due to costs - she lives 150 miles away and due to fuel costs and her hubby being made redundant money is tight. So as a "best friend" gift i've paid for their hotel overnight and we've sent her a gesture towards the fuel costs. She knows how much I wanted her there and me helping out was the only way I knew she could come.

Charliezoo

Sadly I think you're one of the few people around these days who are careful with money. Most people would just stick the £300 on their credit card and not think about it but you're obviously a very sensible person and think carefully about where your money goes. I can't believe you're expected to pay £150 for a hotel! Surely she cannot expect everyone to be happy with this?

victoriamarie

I think your friend is being very selfish. £300 is a lot to expect from people but you've made an effort to be involved in the hen party as much as you can afford. I can see why she'd be disappointed but she's acting like a spoilt child. If I was in her situation (not that I'd organise a £300 a head hen do in the first place) I'd organise a girly night in or something to celebrate.