Help to trace Dad.

loopy_lass

hostertlady wrote:

nuttyrockeress,
i have brothers and sisters that i have grown up with and we all get on great and when this other person came on the scene they tried to cause problems amongst us, they had a huge chip on their shoulder, had no morals, no manners and it was very difficult for us to come to terms with.. needless to say it didn't work for us to be 're-united' and why should it? our mum only gave birth, they have been brought up by their adoptive parents who i see as their parents... sorry if i sound hard but it's my opinion and i am just saying that it doesn't always have a happy ending..

mmm well, if she ONLY gave birth then theres no problem is there, after all theres no responsibility or morals attached to that is there... and as for manners regarding other peoples feelings..... MMmmmmmmm ill say no more, but while we are on the subject of SOME adoptees seeing the people who brought them up as their parents, i can understand this a little, but what about Knowing who you are & knowing your roots. What about those of us who werent brought up by nice adoptive "parents"???

sorry if everyone (ER ... NOT) is ticking along nicely, then this blows up... well how very inconsiderate of us! fancy us wanting what you have and we were there first! consequences of mothers actions i think, you cant just throw someone away and hope it never returns to haunt you.....

With respect, if you have never been in this situation you will never understand... its like if you have to ask the question, you wont understand the answer...

loops

hostertlady

loopy_lass
i haven't been in your situation and i apologise if i offend you but this is from the other angle, and that' the only one i know.

loopy_lass

fair enough but i did find it not offensive but dare i say... ignorant, not in a nasty way but in a "walk in my shoes before you comment" way, i do understand it must be very difficult for families who dont know about someone and they turn up, but thats consequences of the mothers previous actions.

You cant do something like that and not expect it to re appear at some point, and the others not knowing means she has been dishonest to them also..

apology accepted thank you... and returned if i sounded harsh back

xx loops

Barcode

hostertlady wrote:

nuttyrockeress,
i have brothers and sisters that i have grown up with and we all get on great and when this other person came on the scene they tried to cause problems amongst us, they had a huge chip on their shoulder, had no morals, no manners and it was very difficult for us to come to terms with.. needless to say it didn't work for us to be 're-united' and why should it? our mum only gave birth, they have been brought up by their adoptive parents who i see as their parents... sorry if i sound hard but it's my opinion and i am just saying that it doesn't always have a happy ending..

And people should be prepared that it may not work out. The adopted-sibling is essentially a stranger, and like any new relationship, it is likely to take a lot of time. I found my adoptive-sister difficult to deal with at first, and it is only two years later that I think of her as my sister and keep in regular contact.

Just because not everybody will get on does not mean that people should not attempt to find out about where they came from. In my sisters case, her situation has not been ideal. Not everybody who is adopted will go into a 'better' situation and this was the case with my sister.

She has told me she feels much happier now she has gotten to know us all, and even calls my mother 'Mum.' I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but given what we know about her adoptive-family, I can understand why she may feel we can 'replace' that which has been missing. She has been welcomed, and fortunately, things have turned out fine.

I don't think it's right for people to be denied knowledge of a siblings existence. Actions have consequences, and the adopted person should not be denied knowing about their origins because of possible disruption (the biological family can of course deny contact).