I want to be a better man

3Dogs

Hi there - you had lots of replies to work through didn't you !!!!

CCCS is one of the charity debt management companies:

CCCS - freephone 0800 138 111 or www.cccs.co.uk

National Debtline - 0808 808 4000 or www.nationaldebtline.co.uk

PayPlan ...... no details sorry

CAB - Citize Advice Bureau - check out your local branch

All the above give free advice and management plans - no fees whatsoever - never use a fee-charging firm

You can do an online Debt Remedy where you enter all your details and it comes up with suggestions on where to go from here
https://debtremedy.cccs.co.uk

All the best

AllieBallie

Hello, I'm really new on the boards but just realised you said you're wife's family all live abroad and it costs a lot to call them - have you thought of using a webcam and skype? it's free and you just need an internet connection and a webcam.

My Parents moved to India and we used skype a lot to chat - time differences can sometimes be a pain but if you plan it in advance it's not usually too much of a problem!

It might be worth looking into for your wife to keep in contact with her family? I don't work for skype or anything i just know how much they helped me out when I couldn't afford to call my parents and it means you can call as much as you want and not worry about the phone bill at the end of the month!!

3Dogs

Good idea Allie

Wilma33

So you have one of the cars just to pick your daughter up from nursery after work? Is there no other way to pick her up? Tube? Bus?

If not, could your wife cut her hours down ever so slightly so she can pick her up in her car? Employers have to consider flexible working for parents.

Wilma33

Do either you or your wife's employer offer childcare vouchers?

AllieBallie

3Dogs wrote: »

Good idea Allie

Thanks 3Dogs, but just realised the OP said skype not always an option...i feel a bit of a plum! Sorry Ashamed, I'll try and think of something more useful for next time!:beer:

ViolaLass

I really think you should look into using the money you have saved for your daughter. At the moment, you are borrowing that money at 20% so it just doesn't make financial sense.

Does your daughter attend nursery full time? What if she went part time (and your wife adjusted her hours accordingly)? She would still get the benefit and you would save money.

laurz121

Dont worry Allie I was thinking skype too.


to the OP. If I were you I'd seriously consider stopping putting money into a savings account for your daughter. I know that sounds harsh but there are lots of people who weren't given savings accounts that have grown up just fine and your daughter would benefit more from having happy parents than from having money in a savings account.

The cheapest sky package for sky with broadband and phone isn't £45 it's £29 which includes broadband, a phoneline with free evening and weekend calls and the childrens mix of channels including nick for your daughter. For an extra £1 you can have the entertainment mix too. I suspect that you mean you have those two mixes plus unlimited 20meg broadband or something which you have to ask do you really need? 2mb is fast enough really isn't it?

The smoking really has to stop, you can't really complain that you're in debt while you're throwing away £2,400 a year. Or to put it another way, by the time your daughter is 18 you'll have spent over forty-three THOUSAND pound on smoking and shortened your life considerably in the process which will more than likely mean that your daughter will end up taking on your debt when you die. Stop smoking (dont say you'll try, just do it) and look forward to a long and happy life with your daughter with some money in the bank too

The shopping thing I noticed you said you spend a lot because you see things and throw them in the trolley. Hey we all do that you're not alone so don't think that makes you 'bad' or anything. Have you thought about shopping online instead? That way you have to actually search for the items you want to buy rather than them jumping out at you and you'll also be able to nip to the fridge to check if you've got any eggs rather than doing what we've all done and buying them just in case. You'll have to pay delivery but it may be a small sacrifice for a huge saving. I'd try it once or twice at least to see how it works for you.

I'd also suggest you buying an energy monitor to watch what you're actually spending on electricity at any time. You'll have to pay to buy it (£30 I think you can get them for) but it will pay for itself really quickly and for someone like yourself who has made a decision to save money it will work even better because you have the drive and the focus to check it occasionally rather than just buying it and ignoring it. I reckon you'll save hundreds with one.

I know you've only just upgraded your mobiles but you could always try phoning your mobile company up and asking them if theres ANYTHING they can do. The worst they can do is say no. Alternatively you could look at selling your phones on ebay and replacing them with cheaper options or your old phones if you still have them. If anyone asks whats happened to your iphone you can always say you dropped it or you didnt like it or make any excuse up if you're a bit embarrassed to say you sold it.

I really think there must be something you could do with your car/travel arrangements to save money. Not sure what but there will be something I assure you

If you manage to cut £15 off your sky (theres no reason that you cant), stop smoking, cut £100 off your food bill and even just temporarily stop your daughters savings (you could always just put a little in whenever you can instead) then you'll be over £400 a month better off which will mean you're back in 'profit' just. And thats without including any savings on your phones, cars, travel, energy etc which i'm sure you'll be able to save some on.

Basically your situation is nowhere near as bad as you think, nowhere near at all and with some sacrifices and changes you can turn your life around.

Another thing is that you have NO reason to be ashamed. You've come on here asking for help, that shouldnt make you ashamed it should make you proud. Proud that you're a big enough man to acknowledge your mistakes and to ask for help.
With that in mind I dont think you should be worried about telling your parents. Chances are they've noticed already. If you were my son (i'd be worried as you're older than me) i'd be proud that you could come to us and ask for help. But the great news is that you dont need to just yet, you're stopping this before it gets too bad and that makes you a great person in my opinion.

good luck

psychopathbabble

Just a thought about the electricity monitor.... you can rent them from the library for 3 weeks for £1.50! My friend did it, and got obsessed with looking at it every time something was turned on or off, it will surprise you how much energy stuff uses... if the microwave was on permenantly for a month it would cost about £700 or something equally ridiculous!!

pure_dead_dopey

Morning

Well done, you are doing lots to get this sorted. Reducing the grocery budget is a great idea. Try just using the supermarket's own brands for a week or two, some you won't even notice the difference, others you won't like but may get used to, some are just not on, but you can gradually change over to cheaper shopping. Main thing we've done is take careful note before you go to the supermarket what you need and only buy what you need. I sympathise with the throwing out, we used to be prime culprits, just doesn't happen anymore.

The other thing I would look at is the appliance insurance on your house insurance, way too much money. If you are worried about appliance failure, stick £20 away in any account each month, cancel the horrendously high insurance and get the best deal using a comparison site and Quidco. If you go various consumer sites, there is loads of evidence to prove that this type of insurance is not good value for money.

And please, give up the smoking! its a dangerous filthy habit, I know this is a bit rough, but it is the truth.

You can do this with the great advice on here, most have done it, got the teeshirt etc, its never easy but it can be done, remember there is an answer to everything, it just sometimes takes a while to find it!!!

Good luck

PDDxx