I want to be a better man

Ashamed_2

It's taken me a long time to even register to this site, I've read a good 30+ threads so far and have felt very emotional by some of the stories people have shared.
I think the reason I have not registered is that I am very ashamed that I have put myself and my family in this position in the first place. Its very hard for me to actually write this down and I feel myself welling up as I type.

The reason I'm so ashamed is that I earn a good wage and I could be very comfortable now and give me family everything they want and need if I could only turn back the clock and make some changes.

I was 21 when I bought the house I grew up in from my parents at a mere £75k. At that time I was paying £400 a month for the mortgage. 15 years later I find myself paying over £1000 a month and still having 21 years left to pay off the mortgage. I was young and not mature enough at the time to look after my money, I wasted money on cars and trying to impress friends and family. I was living the life that I couldn't really afford, racking up expenses on credit cards and then remortgage to pay them off. I got married 3 years ago and have a beautiful daughter now. Only a year ago I realised that I now owe £165k on my mortgage and all 4 of my credit cards are maxed out. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was tell my wife we have no money. My wife is very supportive and we are trying our best to get the control back in our lives for us and our daughter.

I do have 2 savings accounts. One is in my name but it's my parents money. They started putting money into an ISA 4 years ago to avoid inheritance tax later on in life. I also have a savings account for my daughter which we pay £100 into a month. My wife and I both swore that no matter how hard things got we would never touch my daughters money. The ISA's are both with Halifax bank which causes the problem of going for an IVA without using or moving the savings. I can't tell my parents that their boy who they think is doing so well in life and making them proud needs to move the Isa to a different bank because he is up to his eyeballs in debt, it would kill them.

Here's the hard bit, income and outgoings (living and working in London)

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £3,400
Partners salary - £1,100
Benefits - £70

Monthly Outgoings:
Primary Bills
Mortgage/Rent - £1,087.05
Council Tax - £141
Gas - £65
Electric - £85
Water - £34
TV License - £12.50
Sky £45
Phone - £55
Food - £500
Cigarettes - £200
Travel to work - £150
2 x mobile phones - £80
House insurance - £125
Parking - £50
Car Insurance - £80
Petrol - £100
Car Tax - £36 (two cars)
Car MOT's - £10
Nursery - £820
Evening course - £200 (Wife's course to get a better job)

Sub Total: £3,875.55
Monthly Credit Cards / HP - minimum payments
Barclaycard - £243.22 (Balance £10,306.73 APR 21.6%)
HSBC - £129.18 (Balance £5,800 APR 20.76%)
Santander - £110.17 (Balance £5,000 APR 10.56%)
Halifax - £103.74 (Balance £10,400 APR 3.96%)
HP - £170.00 (Balance £9,320 APR 0%)
DFS - £36.87 (Balance £1,400 3.5 Years remaining APR 0%)
Halifax Loan - £232.00 (Balance £18,328 6.5 year remaining APR 13.7%)
Sub Total £1025.18

Total income - £4,570
Total outgoings - £4900.73

Total = -£330.68

I have not included things like clothes, toys and books, birthdays, Christmas etc.


I'm not sure what to do now. I have spoken to some debt advisors but after reading the terms and conditions it says that they may not be able to get creditors to freeze debt. For 17.5% of my payments going to them, I want a guarantee that interest will be frozen. So I'm thinking now that I don't want to risk using a Debt payment plan with them. Is there anything I can do myself, how do I talk to the creditors. I've not missed any payments with any creditors yet, but each month the overdraft goes deeper and deeper.

I know looking at the above we can make some changes. We have already saved £300 a month just by making sandwiches to take to work. Buying food in the city is mega expensive. Trying to quit smoking and save that extra £200 a month is proving more difficult than we imagined. Any advice on what I can do would be greatly appreciated. I'm scared that I will loose everything, I just want to be able to take my daughter on holiday one year soon.

Nottoobadyet

Hey there, not much advice Im afraid but wanted to say welcome to the boards and well done for facing up and posting. NEVER go with a debt advisor that charges you, there are charities that many on here use that will help you for free.

Im sure others will be along soon with more advice.

Krisp_3

Hi there. First of all, welcome and WELL DONE on posting your SOA. As I wrote in another post earlier, it was more than I ever did - i was too proud/stupid/stubborn to realise that I could use the help available on here. So give yourself a huge pat on the back. You've taken the first step.

I don't have loads of free time unfortunately to go through you SOA at the minute, but others will. A few things that leap out though are your food budget, which I am positive you can cut in half, and the fact that you are spending so much on the landline when you have two mobiles. You've already identified the cigarettes issue yourself. Do you both smoke? I used to and gave it up on the second attempt by just stopping - no patches, no weaning myself off them. You *can* do it if you think really hard about how it will improve both your lives and your wallet. I know it isn't easy, having been there myself, but the first few days and weeks are the worst, really.

Do you need two cars? As in really need them?

And your house insurance looks really high (I think). I reckon you could shop around and find a cheaper alternative.

Sorry this is a bit random - bit short of time!

Anyway, others will be along to help, for certain. Hang in there, you will see improvements, for certain.

Take care

andys15

I am in a pretty similar sitation, but I feel totally in control now and you could be too.
I take home £3590 a month and my wife about £1670, but we repay £2000 a month towards debt. My outgoings are £4700, but this includes £550 towards our holiday.
We just make huge cutbacks and dont live like a family who earn £95k a year. Our grocery shop for 2 adults/2 kids is £250-300 max, we shop at aldi. We both smoke rollies which costs £80 per month. I drive a 10 year old car and we have 4 mobiles which all together costs £35 per month max and we got £180 back through quidco on 2 mobiles on £10 per month contracts. Your house insurance is surely wrong. I have 9 accounts which I pay into each month which covers all flexible DD, and car tax etc etc. Your biggest problem which we dont have is nursery fees, can you find alternative arrangements, family, work tokens etc etc. What cars do you drive?? Stop trying to live like someone who earns over 60k and soon you will be back on track.

andys15

Also dont live in the past. I am 34, and I got my first house at 21 for £46000, mortgage 25 years Sold it made £30000 profit which soon disappeared and looking on Zoopla is worth about £180000. It used to get me down but honestly it doesn't anymore. 13 years on I now have a 28 year mortgage in a £250000 house paying £1284. I will catch up though. In 2 years i will be debt free and will get my mortgage down to 10 years. This site is life changing.

Krisp_3

Brilliant, andys15. Great advice there. There's no point looking back unless you're learning a lesson from what happened. You sound really committed. And yes, this site IS life changing!

rustybucket

Ashamed wrote: »

It's taken me a long time to even register to this site, I've read a good 30+ threads so far and have felt very emotional by some of the stories people have shared.
I think the reason I have not registered is that I am very ashamed that I have put myself and my family in this position in the first place. Its very hard for me to actually write this down and I feel myself welling up as I type.

The reason I'm so ashamed is that I earn a good wage and I could be very comfortable now and give me family everything they want and need if I could only turn back the clock and make some changes.

I was 21 when I bought the house I grew up in from my parents at a mere £75k. At that time I was paying £400 a month for the mortgage. 15 years later I find myself paying over £1000 a month and still having 21 years left to pay off the mortgage. I was young and not mature enough at the time to look after my money, I wasted money on cars and trying to impress friends and family. I was living the life that I couldn't really afford, racking up expenses on credit cards and then remortgage to pay them off. I got married 3 years ago and have a beautiful daughter now. Only a year ago I realised that I now owe £165k on my mortgage and all 4 of my credit cards are maxed out. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was tell my wife we have no money. My wife is very supportive and we are trying our best to get the control back in our lives for us and our daughter.

I do have 2 savings accounts. One is in my name but it's my parents money. They started putting money into an ISA 4 years ago to avoid inheritance tax later on in life. I also have a savings account for my daughter which we pay £100 into a month. My wife and I both swore that no matter how hard things got we would never touch my daughters money. The ISA's are both with Halifax bank which causes the problem of going for an IVA without using or moving the savings. I can't tell my parents that their boy who they think is doing so well in life and making them proud needs to move the Isa to a different bank because he is up to his eyeballs in debt, it would kill them.

Here's the hard bit, income and outgoings (living and working in London)

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £3,400
Partners salary - £1,100
Benefits - £70

Monthly Outgoings:
Primary Bills
Mortgage/Rent - £1319
Council Tax - £141
Gas - £65 can you shop around?
Electric - £85 as above
Water - £34
TV License - £12.50
Sky £45 I feel your pain as a bloke, but you need to cut this
Phone - £55 why so high
Food - £500 you can reduce this I think, the old style moneysaving board is good for food ideas
Cigarettes - £200 At least cut down, or can you see you GP explain your situation, could you get nicorette on prescription? I don't know
Travel to work - £150 How far do you commute? Could you cycle?
2 x mobile phones - £80 PAYG?
House insurance - £125 shop around
Parking - £50 At work?
Car Insurance - £80 when is it up for renewl?
Petrol - £100
Car Tax - £36 (two cars)
Car MOT's - £10
Nursery - £820
Evening course - £200 (Wife's course to get a better job)

Sub Total: £4,107.50
Monthly Credit Cards / HP - minimum payments
Barclaycard - £243.22 (Balance £10,306.73 APR %)
HSBC - £129.18 (Balance £5,800 APR %)
Santander - £110.17 (Balance £5,000 APR %)
Halifax - £103.74 (Balance £10,400 APR %)
HP - £170.00 (Balance £9,320 APR 0%)
DFS - £36.87 (Balance £1,400 4 Years remaining)

Sub Total £793.18

Total income - £4,570
Total outgoings - £4900.68

Total = -£330.68

I have not included things like clothes, toys and books, birthdays, Christmas etc.


I'm not sure what to do now. I have spoken to some debt advisors but after reading the terms and conditions it says that they may not be able to get creditors to freeze debt. For 17.5% of my payments going to them, I want a guarantee that interest will be frozen. So I'm thinking now that I don't want to risk using a Debt payment plan with them. Is there anything I can do myself, how do I talk to the creditors. I've not missed any payments with any creditors yet, but each month the overdraft goes deeper and deeper.

I know looking at the above we can make some changes. We have already saved £300 a month just by making sandwiches to take to work. Buying food in the city is mega expensive. Trying to quit smoking and save that extra £200 a month is proving more difficult than we imagined. Any advice on what I can do would be greatly appreciated. I'm scared that I will loose everything, I just want to be able to take my daughter on holiday one year soon.

Balls to it, it's money thats been and gone, you're only 36, stick with it and your mortgage will be paid off before being a pensioner.

And nothing to be ashamed, many have been there done it and worn the t-shirt and looking at what you owe it's not half as bad as many!

Can you sell any any assets, for example is one car worth a few pounds.

Have you spoken to CCCS?

Looking at above you could make some cutbacks which could bring you about even. I'd consider telling your parents and I know you swore never to take the £100 from your child's savings, but if it means you lot getting on your feet quicker and learning from this then I'd seriously consider it.

Good luck and keep us updated.

patchwork_cat

Ashamed wrote: »

It's taken me a long time to even register to this site, I've read a good 30+ threads so far and have felt very emotional by some of the stories people have shared.
I think the reason I have not registered is that I am very ashamed that I have put myself and my family in this position in the first place. Its very hard for me to actually write this down and I feel myself welling up as I type.

The reason I'm so ashamed is that I earn a good wage and I could be very comfortable now and give me family everything they want and need if I could only turn back the clock and make some changes.

I was 21 when I bought the house I grew up in from my parents at a mere £75k. At that time I was paying £400 a month for the mortgage. 15 years later I find myself paying over £1000 a month and still having 21 years left to pay off the mortgage. I was young and not mature enough at the time to look after my money, I wasted money on cars and trying to impress friends and family. I was living the life that I couldn't really afford, racking up expenses on credit cards and then remortgage to pay them off. I got married 3 years ago and have a beautiful daughter now. Only a year ago I realised that I now owe £165k on my mortgage and all 4 of my credit cards are maxed out. The hardest thing I have ever had to do was tell my wife we have no money. My wife is very supportive and we are trying our best to get the control back in our lives for us and our daughter.

I do have 2 savings accounts. One is in my name but it's my parents money. They started putting money into an ISA 4 years ago to avoid inheritance tax later on in life. I also have a savings account for my daughter which we pay £100 into a month. My wife and I both swore that no matter how hard things got we would never touch my daughters money. The ISA's are both with Halifax bank which causes the problem of going for an IVA without using or moving the savings. I can't tell my parents that their boy who they think is doing so well in life and making them proud needs to move the Isa to a different bank because he is up to his eyeballs in debt, it would kill them.

Here's the hard bit, income and outgoings (living and working in London)

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £3,400
Partners salary - £1,100
Benefits - £70

Monthly Outgoings:
Primary Bills
Mortgage/Rent - £1319
Council Tax - £141
Gas - £65 This and electricity is very high - have you gone on cashback sites and U switch and checked lowest tariffs?
Electric - £85
Water - £34
TV License - £12.50
Sky £45 Again very high , lose it or cut down
Phone - £55 You know what I am going to say
Food - £500 High for 2 adults and a toddler/baby £320 is quite manageable - head over to Old Style what about a once a month stock up shop outside of London
Cigarettes - £200 Yes you guessed what I am going to say - time to quit. Try Allan Carr - excellent.
Travel to work - £150
2 x mobile phones - £80 When are the contracts up - go to boards for best deals on offer with your provider, will supply link in a bit
House insurance - £125 per month :eek:? Surely not. If so that is phenomenal, that needs moving.
Parking - £50
Car Insurance - £80
Petrol - £100
Car Tax - £36 (two cars)
Car MOT's - £10
Nursery - £820 Seems high although I know it is London, what about looking into other alternatives, Au Pair or Nanny share?
Evening course - £200 (Wife's course to get a better job)

Sub Total: £4,107.50
Monthly Credit Cards / HP - minimum payments
Barclaycard - £243.22 (Balance £10,306.73 APR %)
HSBC - £129.18 (Balance £5,800 APR %)
Santander - £110.17 (Balance £5,000 APR %)
Halifax - £103.74 (Balance £10,400 APR %)
HP - £170.00 (Balance £9,320 APR 0%)
DFS - £36.87 (Balance £1,400 4 Years remaining)

Sub Total £793.18

Total income - £4,570
Total outgoings - £4900.68

Total = -£330.68

I have not included things like clothes, toys and books, birthdays, Christmas etc.


I'm not sure what to do now. I have spoken to some debt advisors but after reading the terms and conditions it says that they may not be able to get creditors to freeze debt. For 17.5% of my payments going to them, I want a guarantee that interest will be frozen. So I'm thinking now that I don't want to risk using a Debt payment plan with them. Is there anything I can do myself, how do I talk to the creditors. I've not missed any payments with any creditors yet, but each month the overdraft goes deeper and deeper.

I know looking at the above we can make some changes. We have already saved £300 a month just by making sandwiches to take to work. Buying food in the city is mega expensive. Trying to quit smoking and save that extra £200 a month is proving more difficult than we imagined. Any advice on what I can do would be greatly appreciated. I'm scared that I will loose everything, I just want to be able to take my daughter on holiday one year soon.

Don't beat yourself up - you can do it. This is quite doable, although I know that London prices are silly, but some of your budget is very high.

rustybucket

andys15 wrote: »

Also dont live in the past. I am 34, and I got my first house at 21 for £46000, mortgage 25 years. 13 years on I now have a 28 year mortgage in a £250000 house paying £1284. I will catch up though. In 2 years i will be debt free and will get my mortgage down to 10 years. This site is life changing.

Same as you Andy, been there, done it can't wait to get the mortgage down.

patchwork_cat

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=14 look at retentions thread for your provider. There are much better deals out there. You say that your groceries are high because you live in London, do Tesco's not charge teh same for a loaf of bread in London and Liverpool?

RAS

Hi Ashamed

Firstly be proud that you have faced up to the situation and are ready to tackle it.

I am very glad that you have decided not to pay 17.5% to a company for a DMP. You can get the same service from one of the debt charities here http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan#help for free.

I know London can be expensive but you guys need to both take a trip over to the old Style Money Saving forum and learn how to really cut back on your housekeeping spends.

Ashamed wrote: »

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £3,400
Partners salary - £1,100 - given how little your partner works and how much you pay in nursery fees, is this worth it?

Benefits - £70

Monthly Outgoings:
Primary Bills
Mortgage/Rent - £1319 - repayment or interest only?
Council Tax - £141
Gas - £65
Electric - £85 - this is very high - do you have the basic like money saving light bulbs, turn the water temperature down to 60 degrees etc
Water - £34
TV License - £12.50
Sky £45 - reduce this and then get rid ASAP
Phone - £55 - particularly given that you have mobiles, this is very high
Food - £500 - you HAVE to cut this - the aim would be £60 per person per month, but start by carving £100 this month and another £100 next month. How much do you throw away?
Cigarettes - £200 - you know about this
Travel to work - £150
2 x mobile phones - £80 - again very very high? Are these contract? Reduce if possibel and consdier PAYG ASAP
House insurance - £125 - do a comparison and then use a cash-back site
Parking - £50
Car Insurance - £80
Petrol - £100
Car Tax - £36 (two cars)
Car MOT's - £10
Nursery - £820 - massive, how many hours does OH work?
Evening course - £200 (Wife's course to get a better job) - how long does this last?

Sub Total: £4,107.50
Monthly Credit Cards / HP - minimum payments
Barclaycard - £243.22 (Balance £10,306.73 APR %)
HSBC - £129.18 (Balance £5,800 APR %)
Santander - £110.17 (Balance £5,000 APR %)
Halifax - £103.74 (Balance £10,400 APR %)
HP - £170.00 (Balance £9,320 APR 0%)
DFS - £36.87 (Balance £1,400 4 Years remaining)

Sub Total £793.18

Total income - £4,570
Total outgoings - £4900.68

Total = -£330.68

I have not included things like clothes, toys and books, birthdays, Christmas etc.

You really need to do this, although if you sign up to www.freegle.co.uk, you can get a lot of it for free.

Do you absolutely need two cars? Do you really even NEED one car?

You need the APRs on those debts urgently.