Worried about sister with new fella + her kids!

BetterMyself

hello

please can anyone help me? i am very worried about my sister and her 2 vulnerable kids. she has moved another new fella in, but this time something seems very wrong. the kids have changed-boy 14 and girl 9, both now very unhappy and withdrawn and i dont know what to do.

i have been given his name today which isnt a common surname and wondered if there is anyway I can find out if he has a track record. i think he has been inside and is very cagey with his past. i know where he was born. he is approximately 40-45 and is just a very evil man. my sister has changed from a caring lovely girl to not having much to do with family, has changed her looks-he is very controlling, but my main concern is the children.

can i do anything?

louise3965

Can you increase the time you spend with them so that they have a caring adult to go to if they need to. Your doubts about this chap arent anything concrete yet, so just spend more time with them all and encourage them to trust you and talk if they want, without badmouthing (yet) the man.

Apricot

Hmm it's a difficult situation if you haven't got anything concrete to go by but you obviously feel strongly about this as you're calling him "evil". Perhaps go to the bbc news website and search his name from there - then if there were any articles with that name in them you would be able to find them.
Tbh, the main thing to do is keep in constant contact with the children and your sister if possible and if anything is happening hopefully they would feel able to come to you and ask for help.

BetterMyself

louise3965 wrote: »

Can you increase the time you spend with them so that they have a caring adult to go to if they need to. Your doubts about this chap arent anything concrete yet, so just spend more time with them all and encourage them to trust you and talk if they want, without badmouthing (yet) the man.

I cant go into much detail but i do have proof of his behaviour being violent. nobody is able to spend time with the kids as sister has stopped this. the kids do trust me and i dont like what ive heard-thats what im concerned about. my sister has never drank in the past and now she drinks daily with him-she cant even take the kids into town without stopping at the pub 3-4 times. she has been drunk and behaved inappropriately infront of nephews friends and the fella gets in his face all the time.

RAS

The symptons you describe suggest a reason to be concerned.

Certainly try to google his name with "quote" marks around it.

Is there any way you could look after the children, preferably over night to allow the lovers time together?

Spongbong

I think an anonymous call to Social Services would be a good idea as it sounds like this needs to be investigated.

Apricot

Spongbong wrote: »

I think an anonymous call to Social Services would be a good idea as it sounds like this needs to be investigated.

From what you are saying I agree with this. If there is nothing to hide then there won't be a problem.

Could you visit the children at lunch time at school and have a word?

BetterMyself

RAS wrote: »

The symptons you describe suggest a reason to be concerned.

Certainly try to google his name with "quote" marks around it.

Is there any way you could look after the children, preferably over night to allow the lovers time together?

sister has also put her house on the market and is now apparently moving to the "country". she has told me to stay away from the kids and wants me to have nothing to do with them. we have always seen the kids and her on a regular basis and since he came on the scene 6-8 months ago he has alienated her. she is honestly not my sister anymore. as a big brother i am so worried about her as well as the kids.

BetterMyself

Spongbong wrote: »

I think an anonymous call to Social Services would be a good idea as it sounds like this needs to be investigated.

i didnt want to go down this route, but the more i think about it-the more i think i have to do it. the kids dont deserve this and if there is nothing going on, then thats brilliant.

louise3965

Do you know where he comes from and how long ago you think he was inside, then look at the local newspaper archives online? Or just google his name and the crime you think he committed and trawl through everything?

It doesnt sound particularly healthy, their relationship though but its all smoke and mirrors at the moment so its hard to know what action, if any you can take

louise3965

I think I would chat things through with Womens Aid http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ you wont be the first to ask what to do, I guess. x