advice re disinterested mum

Blackpool_Saver

It's nothing to do with rudeness, I am just tired of hearing people complain about their parents, if I were the original poster I would be moving heaven and earth to remain on good terms with my mother, while she was still alive.
I try and try to keep contact with my Father and he cannot do it, the original poster has parents and can still attempt to sort things out.

Blackpool_Saver

bonjovibel_729, please do whatever it takes to sort things out with your Mum.

Turtle

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

It's nothing to do with rudeness, I am just tired of hearing people complain about their parents, if I were the original poster I would be moving heaven and earth to remain on good terms with my mother, while she was still alive.
I try and try to keep contact with my Father and he cannot do it, the original poster has parents and can still attempt to sort things out.

I had thought the same as the poster who said you were rude to be honest. Maybe it wasn't what you said, but the way you said it.

GobbledyGook

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

It's nothing to do with rudeness, I am just tired of hearing people complain about their parents, if I were the original poster I would be moving heaven and earth to remain on good terms with my mother, while she was still alive.
I try and try to keep contact with my Father and he cannot do it, the original poster has parents and can still attempt to sort things out.

It is rude though. You are assuming your way of feeling is the "correct" way of dealing with such a situation and whilst it may be correct for you it may not be for everyone.

The OP is obviously very upset by her mother's behaviour and I can understand why. Some people will move heaven and earth to maintain a relationship with their parents whilst others think that a relationship which is continually upsetting and is all take may not be worthwhile.

It is a terrible shame that your parents have a child who would dearly love a better relationship with them and they are not responsive to that. However, that doesn't mean the OP should move heaven and earth to have a good relationship with her mother. Healthy relationships are two-way and the OP should not base her decision on accepting her mother treating her as second-fiddle to her sister and only calling when she wants lifts on the fact that other people would love to have a mother.

I'm an orphan, I would do anything to have my mother back, but I'd say "no thanks" if I was offered my father back so people are all different.


OP - you need to think long and hard about culling your mother. It's a huge step, however the say that you cannot choose your family is very true. If a relationship is bad for you then it is bad for you regardless of who the other party is. You should not hang onto a bad relationship purely because a mother and child (however old) "should" have a relationship. Good luck.

Blackpool_Saver

Ok, maybe it was a bit terse, but my bipolar son has had me up all night and I am very tired and stressed sorry.

Blackpool_Saver

Gobbeldy I did cut them off and had years of counselling, it didn't take away the need..............

GEEGEE8

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Ok, maybe it was a bit terse, but my bipolar son has had me up all night and I am very tired and stressed sorry.

Are you complaining?
There are kids in Africa starving, so you have nothing to complain about..

Hmm, how did that make you feel?

OP - I would suggest asking your mum if there is a problem? Maybe the problem isn't with you but with her? Is she jealous of you?

Turtle

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Ok, maybe it was a bit terse, but my bipolar son has had me up all night and I am very tired and stressed sorry.

Well we're all a bit snappy when we're tired. Here's to a better night for you Blackpool_Saver.

Blackpool_Saver

You know what Gee Gee, I watched those kids in Africa on the TV tonight, very very sad.

bylromarha

From the other perspective, I'm the favoured sister.

My mum would move heaven and earth for me, but not for my sister. Nothing to do with who can/can't cope but I've always been her fav growing up - it drove a wedge between sis and I until I moved away. We now get on brilliantly.

My mum is very childish in her ways and still tries to stir between us, but it's very easy to see through now both sis and I are parents. We've both accepted mum isn't going to change and are both content in who we are.

If you don't feel you're at last chance saloon yet, why not suggest your family (just you and the kids) and her go on a day trip somewhere, that way there's space in the car, your 3 aren't descending on her house, and see where it goes from there.

All the best.