Need to vent - anyone been in this situation?

GEEGEE8

Ha - what a load of crap about being hit by dad means you are like to have a violent realtionship?! Utter crap..

OP - I think you just need to keep going, OH sounds like he is trying to sort it too, which is great as you are working as a team.

Just keep going, sounds like you are doing a great job!

maggied_2

Thanks GEEGEE8 - we are certainly trying!

Curlywurli

maggied- the way you've quoted that looks like I said it and I didn't. Is there a way you could change it to show that it wasn't me that said that?

maggied_2

CW - didn't realise it would look like that, will change.

boyang

In a similar situation myself with X-Devil Woman. Everything I do is wrong and anything the girls are upset about, ever, ultimately becomes my fault. I wish I could say that I didn't let it get to me, but obviously it is just human nature to let it. However, if she follows through on her juvenile threat to go to court, you have nothing to worry about because you didn't do anything. I hope it doesn't come to that because it would be stressful for the child, but you can't change any of that. Just keep trying to rise above it. (I find wine helps me with that!)

londoner1998

maggied wrote: »

B&T - the voice of reason as always You're right in what you're saying and we do go to great lengths to ensure that DSD has a 'normal' time when she's here. Her mother is incredibly manipulative (I could write a book) and we do everything we can to shelter her from the effects of it.

I'm not bothered either way about her coming here after school - it's just that it's nice for her than being up at nursery. Because of where we live a lot of the kids call on her here and we frequently have a house / garden full of them! She doesn't get to play out at her mum's (busy road, plus a little brother).

I think you've hit the nail on the head with her telling her mum what she thinks she wants to hear - it's so sad.

I'm just really sick and tired of the insults and accusations - ALWAYS aimed at me - whenever she decides to 'kick off' - usually every few months. In my logical head I know that she's nuts and I should feel sorry for her because she has to live as the embittered, nasty little moo that she is but it does get to me.

And seriously, what if she does decide to take this further - it's only my word against hers that I'm not hitting my DSD.

Hello
as someone who has a OH with a child by another woman, I fell for you. These situations are very very difficult, but I would advice you to keep your cool,. whatever happens. Just this morning I had a nasty phone call full of abuse from the OH's ex (like the text messages last week and yesterday) telling me I would be reported to the police... for texting her and ask her to look after the child, who more and more often comes to our house in a scruffy state and without clean clothes... she sounded absolutely out of control, but I have nothing to hide and all my exchanges have been polite and civilised. But I realised it is better to be careful with what you say and how you say it, especially since children are caught in the middle and you are not the mum.- you need to be able to prove you are not in the wrong and these people can be extremely manipulative. Nobody wants to be involved in legal battles. YOur situation sounds extremely similar to mine...
It is very tough, but don't ever expect any encouragement or good words: nobody knows how hard it is being the SM unless they are doing it themselves.
I would sit and bid my time- by my own experience these women are bitter at their ex partners an can create havoc- however, you have nothing to be afraid of so if she wants to pursue a legal claim, at her own expense, let her get on with it.
But don't expect her to change or become nicer-just carry on as you are doing right now and try to avoid getting into any confrontations- you need all your energy for yourself, don't let her sap it from you.
YOu are doing fab, keep going!!


xx

elfen

I still don't get how smacking a child is abuse. I was smacked, and it taught me a healthy respect for my elders.

I think the OP needs to ignore the X as much as possible, and focus on the time she and OH spends with DSD to give her as much of a balanced childhood as possible.

londoner1998

elfen wrote: »

I still don't get how smacking a child is abuse. I was smacked, and it taught me a healthy respect for my elders.

I think the OP needs to ignore the X as much as possible, and focus on the time she and OH spends with DSD to give her as much of a balanced childhood as possible.

I completely agree- 'abuse' is a word bandied about way too often these days, in my oinion, and generally by people who see discipline and good manners as some kind of torture... but if children don't get to understand from the beginning what the boundaries are and to respect their elders, we get more and more the situation we now have in society- children without role models demanding 'respect'... you earn respect, is not a right.
I too come form a country where smacking children when they misbehave is part and parcel of growing up.. and very quickly we knew how far to push things. We consider abuse not to guide and teach children and show them discipline and structure when they need it, or just ot gnore thgem and t;et them to their own devices..
All that 'abuse' stuff is nothing but hot air coming form the ex... ignore.

Fang_3

Mutter wrote: »

I have never experienced what you are going through, so may be totally wrong.

This is my opinion anyway as a fairly strict Mum, leading by example.

In your position, you and oh need to stand back and view the situation from your DSD's view. She is the most important person in this whole mess.

She is Eight years of age. Hardly more than a baby. Eight years from a total of Eighty makes it so.

She is reporting back what her mum wants to hear. Therefore,you smacked her not daddy.
In my opinion, he should never have smacked her at all. Not a tap, not a touch.
The only hand from a Father/Parent should be one of love.

I watched my husband very carefully. Had he even touched our Daughter to chastise, I would have picked her up and left. But he knew that.

A man who smacks his child is a bully. Smack on the bot counts.

Not only a bully, but setting her on the road for being abused herself.

Why OP have you not stopped this?

I feel for this eight year old little girl. Torn between her Mother's grief at loss of her husband/dad leaving.

Too much sympathy for new partnerships, not enough for those left behind, in my opinion.


OP says she had nothing to do with ending the marriage Someone else did though, no doubt.

You really need to get a grip love.