Need to vent - anyone been in this situation?

Chinkle

With B&T here - in order to have the upper hand you need to follow the letter of the court order. If the ex finds out you are having the child after school she will create havoc even if it's an arrangement that both you, OH and child are happy with.

Whether the child complained to her mum cos dad gave her a smack and mum chose to twist it or whether mum made it up entirely - I would ignore unless of course it comes back to haunt you through social services.

As much as this woman riles you, try to let it wash over you and give the child a normal upbringing whenever she is with you.

maggied_2

You're all right of course and giving the advice I would be giving were my head not up my bum.

Anyway, DSD has just turned up with her mum - God knows why, she never usually collects her when we have her. When she saw her dad wasn't here she went back to her mum who seems to have taken her with her. So basically she's not safe to be with me here on her own. Jesus.

I absolutely do not get involved. Last time I even spoke to X was when she did turn up on my doorstep screaming (in front of her children) that she'd been f***ing my OH. I stay out of it at all times - just a bit difficult not to feel involved when I'm being accused of hitting a child....

RAS

Ok
let OH know what has happened pronto.

maggied_2

I have done - just waiting for him to turn up now. Terrific - no doubt more drama and mud slinging, all done in front of DSD. Does she actually realise what she's doing?

RAS

I des not matter if she realises what she is doing.

You know the old 12 steps mantra

Give me courage to change what I can change
Give me strength to accept what cannot be changed
And give me the wisdom to know the difference.

grey_lady

Would a solicitors letter explaining the potential consequences of slander and harrassment help?

Agree about following the courts agreement to the letter btw, if you're not happy with the agreement then go back to court to change it.

whitewing

maggied,

I really do sympathise with you and I think your OH's ex is out of order. However, if ANYBODY picked my child up early from school without discussing it with me, I would be livid.

What are you doing to that poor child? She knows she is meant to be at nursery - you are putting her into an impossible situation. I am mightily surprised the nursery allows it to be honest.

My friend is in her 60s. Her mum and dad divorced and her father left (different circumstances to yours). The school let her and her brother see her dad without her mum's knowledge (stayed on school premises). She still feels uncomfortable about it.

However you try to justify it, meeting her friends etc, you are in the wrong there, imho.

maggied_2

whitewing wrote: »

maggied,

I really do sympathise with you and I think your OH's ex is out of order. However, if ANYBODY picked my child up early from school without discussing it with me, I would be livid.

What are you doing to that poor child? She knows she is meant to be at nursery - you are putting her into an impossible situation. I am mightily surprised the nursery allows it to be honest.

My friend is in her 60s. Her mum and dad divorced and her father left (different circumstances to yours). The school let her and her brother see her dad without her mum's knowledge (stayed on school premises). She still feels uncomfortable about it.

However you try to justify it, meeting her friends etc, you are in the wrong there, imho.

I do see what you are saying, and maybe I've been rather naive here. However it just means me picking her up an hour earlier than we usually would. It's only on my OH's 'time' and the nursery sanction it because OH clears it with them first - X doesn't have say in what happens when it's OH's 'time' - just as he doesn't have a say about who X leaves her with during her 'time'.

DVardysShadow

maggied wrote: »

I do see what you are saying, and maybe I've been rather naive here. However it just means me picking her up an hour earlier than we usually would. It's only on my OH's 'time' and the nursery sanction it because OH clears it with them first - X doesn't have say in what happens when it's OH's 'time' - just as he doesn't have a say about who X leaves her with during her 'time'.

If you do this and you have the right to do it, you need to be really clear about where your rights derive from ....

whitewing

maggied,

It doesn't sound half so bad now. However, if the mum is claiming her childcare costs back thro tax credits for time the child is not spending at nursery then you could be heaping on trouble for yourself further down the line.