Is My Marriage Over?

ukjoel

If you were a bloke you would have an affair, or visit a professional and get it out your system and then go back to your wife.

Men equate lack of sex with lack of love and he cant blame himself so its your fault and you dont love him. Not saying its right but hey us men think differently.

Agree with your hesitation about putting on stockings and the bunny costume. Bloke has enough performance pressures without you adding to them. I think a more subtle approach is required.

Slow things down a bit. My personal suggestion would be to rediscover the physical and tactual side of your relationship. Maybe enrol on a massage course at your local college and see if you can practice on him. An hour of being massaged will relax him but also turn him on yet no pressure on him to do anything so think he will surprise you.

Then get him to have a go on you. Try to ensure this is not being done while the world cup is going on.

If all else fails send me a pic of you in the bunny costume and let me know when I can book the massage.

Good luck

ukjoel

Also have to say how come all you ladies suggesting dressing up, soft !!!!!!, romantic nights, lotions, toys dont belong to my wifes girlie group of friends cos all they talk about is buggies, nappies, plants, and Britains got talent. Last time we walked past Ann Summers and I suggested we go in she said 'Its ok I dont need and slippers'

And you thought your love life was bad....

elfen

Sorry, but I have to laugh at that ukjoel....My mother still goes in Ann Summers, shouting to mw that she's buying her birthday present from my dad...TMI mother, TMI.

ETA: OP, your marriage is far from over. Take things slowly, and rediscover each other (massages, time together, no hassle or stress on either side, getting him to come back to bed so you can snuggle up) and you'll probably find that the slow, no pressure approach works best for your hubby.

slimsia

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time

I really like the advice from gonzo127 and Britwife.

This issue is about much more that sex. Don't despair. Let him know you are there for him regardless.

When your hubby is ready it is important for him to get the cause of the ED checked out. e.g "Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common problem amongst men who have diabetes". (diabetes.co.uk)

Hang on in there.

Hopefully things will work out for you soon.

embarassed

Reading your post was just like reading my own life, except I am the one with the problem and not hubby. It has now reached a point where I am considering leaving as he just can't deal with the no sex issue. I do the same turning away, avoiding contact stuff as I know he'll just get upset if I cuddle him and then not want to go further. I have absolutely no sex drive or interest at all.
Anyway, thought this site might be of some help to you (working my way through it atm). (can't post link, but the site is sda.co.uk)
I go through a huge range of emotions, from guilt to sadness, anger at him for wanting it in the first place etc. I get anxious when it gets close to bedtime as I know it will be a tense and awkward time - we don't row or even talk about it, we just don't speak and the tension is awful.

Mupette

Go back to basics.

Leave little 'I love you' notes in his lunch box, brief case, work back,or even stick it on his mobile.

Back off, give space, if you can go away with some girls for a weekend.

Suggest going out on a date with each other.
I am sure i watched, or read that sexually slow and steady but not actually doing it, even if he wants to, build it back up again. over a period of weeks.

A friend has a problem with her man, and she was made to feel it was her fault, he says he knows he needs to go see a doctor but she said he finds lots of excuses for not going, even saying it would appear on medical reports the employers may see.

She's off for a girly weekend soon, so this will leave him time to 'sulk' in her words.

How about sexy food, no need to spend a fortune.

As for permature, my ex had a problem, and he did go to the doctors, was given some tablets that seem to do the trick, but this wasn't the reason for him being the ex.

[Deleted User]

My other half has slight premature ejaculation but I've never made an issue of it. I CHOOSE to see it as a compliment rather than a problem. We always figure out a way around it. I'm pretty sure if I reacted differently it would 'become' a problem. I won't allow that.

I do think however, erectile disfunction is a different matter as it could have a physical or emotional cause (and importantly, its rooted in your man, not you, see two sentances ahead). Under no circumstances should u start wearing bunny costumes. U do however need to stop allowing it to affect your self esteem. Its nothing to do with you, and not a reflection on who u are or how u look.

Britwife's comment was brilliant.., I think first of all u need to increase the emotional intimacy and trust in your relationship. So keep saying to yourself that this is either rooted in your man's head or body.., nothing to do with who u are and distance yourself emotionally so u don't feel bad if he doesn't want to be physically intimate with u. Instead try to increase your emotional intimacy.

Then u may well find if u do as Britwife says.., he is more willing to seek outside help. There is also sex therapy as well (which could be viewed as exciting rather than threatening) once physical causes are ruled out.

U never know, a whole new world may be waiting there for u two to discover together, making things better than ever.

ailuro2

He went to the Dr. initially, so he's not beyond hope.

If he's sleeping on the sofa because of his snoring tell him you miss him being there to keep you warm at nights and you're losing more sleep because of that than with his snoring...

I'd get him a bit tipsy over a BBQ at the weekend, make sure all the teens are out for a night at the cinema, and then drop in the conversation how he never booked the blood test and you've read that it's highly unlikely it will be his testosterone but might be an indicator of something else wrong with him (diabetes, heart disease, stress from working in your own business through a recession?)
Let him know you love him dearly and can do without full sex for a bit but make it clear you need hugs and kisses from him.

Of course it coule be linked to having all those teens in the house and worrying about them interrupting.

Apparently most men can expect to go through an episode like this, someone needs to be asking him the right questions to get him on the road to recovery, as it's highly fixable (well, according to Dr. Christian on Embarassing Bodies anyway.:o)

Good Luck, don't give up!

C_Mababejive

Does he have any specific interests? How about him going away on holiday for a while either on his own or with a friend? It might just release the pressure for a while. Maybe you could do the same?

threeteensathome

WOW! I am overwhelmed by all the fantastic support, thanks so much everyone.

I'm so happy to see that not a single person has commented that my marriage is over, that is such a relief and knowing that others have/are experiencing similar situations is reassuring too.

Some fantastic suggestions, which I will definitely think about (tho will give the bunny costume a miss, that might scare him altogether :rotfl:)

Will keep you posted, thanks again so very much, I feel so much better today and feel I can sort this out eventually.

Oh re the going to the doctor, he had originally visited for another problem (chest infection) and mentioned it in passing, so he didn't go specifically for the ED but did mention it so there is a glimmer of hope there.

Thanks everyone