Flat mate taking the P...

AbbieCadabra

Mischa8 wrote: »

From your other previous posts, you mention a fiance and getting married, why aren't you living with him?! Surely that'd make the best sense all round and is what I would certainly be doing.

perhaps circumstances have changed? why does it matter?? sorry, but i think that's a bit insensitive to question like that...

Lish_2

Thanks again for your support guys, I am feeling rather chuffed with myself about getting rid of everything so she cant get her hands on it all.
I did end up emailing her today asking for the money for the gas and elec that she owes me from last month and also telling her that I have informed the LA about the fact she will be responsible for any damage seeing as it was caused when I was out of the country and she was using my room without consent!
I got an email back to say that I am ridiculous to hold her responsible and that no one had used my room whilst I was away! I told her to stop treating me like an idiot and gave her a list of things to show how I knew she was lying- I emptied my bins and took the rubbish out on the way out to the airport for gods sake to name one of many indicators! I also told her she has many a time admitted to me about being so out of it that she cant remember if shes slept with the person she has woken up next to, I told her that she came in a few weekends ago and passed out on her bed with every door open and light on whilst her mate was ringing the intercom for half an hour at 4am and asked her how if she doesnt remember that? How can she be 100% adamant that no one stayed in my room whilst I was away?.....

Funnily enough, that email was several hours ago and I have had no reply!

Lish_2

Unfortunately me and the fiance are no longer engaged and broke up in January :-(

Good news is we are trying to work things out now and hopefully we can get back on track and maybe move back in together at the 6 month break-clause (that would be nice but I cant bank on it as its early days). This was the reason I moved to another city- because we broke up.

I dont mind you asking though- no worries!

BitterAndTwisted

Angel, try and resist the temptation to communicate by email any more: it often causes more problems than it solves. I know it's hard but I think you need to try and discuss this calmly with her in person. Also, try not to be distracted with a discussion about exactly what was done and when. Just stick to what you want to happen in the future not what may or may not have happened in the past. There's only three months to go and then you'll be free of her and her rackety life-style.

M.Holloway

Hey Lish, glad to hear you're making things happen!

But yes things are more effective face-to-face.

Simply because it's very easy to get angry at an email, but it's much harder to get angry at a person. Although face-to-face requires more strength (on your part) to stick to your guns and properly fight your corner!

She sounds like she's good at lying and has a lot of experience in playing on peoples weakness so you gotta give it straight!

Hope everything works out! I know what its like to be in your position, and I know how hard it can be to stand up to a bully (your flat mate is clearly a !!!!.)

Mischa8

Lish wrote: »

Thanks again for your support guys, I am feeling rather chuffed with myself about getting rid of everything so she cant get her hands on it all.
I did end up emailing her today asking for the money for the gas and elec that she owes me from last month and also telling her that I have informed the LA about the fact she will be responsible for any damage seeing as it was caused when I was out of the country and she was using my room without consent!
I got an email back to say that I am ridiculous to hold her responsible and that no one had used my room whilst I was away! I told her to stop treating me like an idiot and gave her a list of things to show how I knew she was lying- I emptied my bins and took the rubbish out on the way out to the airport for gods sake to name one of many indicators! I also told her she has many a time admitted to me about being so out of it that she cant remember if shes slept with the person she has woken up next to, I told her that she came in a few weekends ago and passed out on her bed with every door open and light on whilst her mate was ringing the intercom for half an hour at 4am and asked her how if she doesnt remember that? How can she be 100% adamant that no one stayed in my room whilst I was away?.....

Funnily enough, that email was several hours ago and I have had no reply!

Hi - sorry - had no idea you and fiance had broken up. I can be a bit tactless sometimes. But I tend to deal in common sense! LOL

I was wondering... could you maybe set a sort of trap for her? Put some talc down or something where people's fingerprints could be left - in your room - this of course would only work if you were to go away again and leave her in charge of the flat, which you're understandably loathe to do.

The sad thing, especially with flatmates that mudslinging is the absolute worst thing you can do. She obviously thinks you're criticising her lifestyle (the waking up to strange men, drugs etc) and no-one likes to be criticized!

The money for the gas and electric - deffo chase that up. What's happening about council tax? who pays it? Is it split in half and you each pay your own half? That's what I had my own problems with - the council tax bill. And the flatmate quibbling over the heating bills and then berating me one day when I left boiler on all day even though I offered to pay extra to cover that day!!

I have another suggestion to make (emails/texts etc like someone else said here are no substitute for face to face talk but then face to face talk can result in an argument) - is there someone (not a friend of yours or hers but maybe a neighbour or mutual friend or someone not biased towards her/your behaviour) who could act as a mediator between both of you? You could go to a local quiet cafe (Starbucks?) and thrash things out - with the mediator acting as a gobetween. I stress, though, this should be someone who's totally unbiased.

Of course, you intend to move out when your contract is up, which is soon, but the above course of action could smooth the way whilst you both share the flat together. I'm sure she may feel bad about things and even wants to make amends but feels awkward doing so with you in a confrontational mood towards her (I don't blame you at all though!).

She may have lots of external troubles (nothing to do with you again...) which are the reason for the drugtaking, sleeping with lots of men (that's right isn't it?) and general bad attitude towards your possessions, cat and the apartment. Killing with kindness or at least understanding can go a long way in this case...

Mischa8

AbbieCadabra wrote: »

perhaps circumstances have changed? why does it matter?? sorry, but i think that's a bit insensitive to question like that...

Maybe circumstances have changed but OP originally mentioned living with men before - if she's engaged (how am I to know they've broken up?) then why aren't they living together? It makes sense to do so and is what I'd do.

drc

What does your flatmate do for a living? How is she managing to pay the rent/bills?

dianah

so sorry to hear about your troubles, it's quite horrible the situation changed so dramatically over a short period of time.

there's been some good advice offered so far, i just would like to say that the misuse of drugs act states that it is an offence to (apart from possession, intent to supply or supplying)

allow a house, flat or office to be used by people taking drugs

while someone had said that it's perhaps a little much to have a chat with the police at this stage, i'd go and talk to them. say you suspect this is going on in your flat and don't know what to do about it. they may not do anything about it but at least there will be a report of you coming forward and explaining your concerns. this way, if something happens re drugs in the future, it won't come back to bite you.

good luck!

AbbieCadabra

Mischa8 wrote: »

Maybe circumstances have changed but OP originally mentioned living with men before - if she's engaged (how am I to know they've broken up?) then why aren't they living together? It makes sense to do so and is what I'd do.

as i've already said, what does it matter? it has nothing to do with the current problems.

leave it there shall we.