Am I being silly?

pollyanna24

Hello

Haven't got much in the way of advice I'm afraid, but just thought I'd tell you I'm here if you need to moan or anything (if you'll do the same for me xx).

I have a 18 month old and am 11 weeks pregnant with my second. I am seriously contemplating asking my bf to go as we are not working together at all at the moment. So I may well be in a similar situation to you (but without the hunky new bf, haha )

Is the father of your first child the same one as the baby you are carrying? If so, then at least you know as he helps out with your child at the moment, he will most likely take the new one as well to give you break? Or am I assuming here?

People cope all the time with what life throws at them. I'm scared at the thought of doing it all myself, but know I can't go on in this relationship unless something dramatically changes. I know he will throw at me, "You won't be able to do it etc etc," but I will if I have to, cos what is the alternative?

Hugs and keep in touch. x

mumof1and1ontheway

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I have a 18 month old and am 11 weeks pregnant with my second. I am seriously contemplating asking my bf to go as we are not working together at all at the moment. So I may well be in a similar situation to you (but without the hunky new bf, haha )

Is the father of your first child the same one as the baby you are carrying? If so, then at least you know as he helps out with your child at the moment, he will most likely take the new one as well to give you break? Or am I assuming here?

Hi hun feel free to message me about your situation, I may be able to help I may not... but I can try
Yes DS's dad is same dad as baby. He is a good dad with DS1 and wants to be fully involved with baby.. but at the same time this causes problems in itself. He wants baby overnight from the word go which is obv not possible. And Im struggling to work out what would be classed as reasonable access for baby, as the last thing I want is the ex round daily!!

I would say if your not happy with your BF then dont stay with just for kids. Me and the hubby split on Boxing Day! And since then I have moved into my own place (left him with everything... and I mean everything, and started from scratch).
I have managed to sort all my debts out, and have bought tons for baby second hand so far all on my own like the cot, bath, bouncer etc. And tbh I am much much happier on my own. I know I have a bf but I dont see him often, so Im still a single mum. My son doesnt seem too effected by the change in houses by sleeping at his dads for 2 nights and then here.

I think my main problem is me and the ex lol. He drives me bonkers!!!!

[Deleted User]

Please excuse me for asking the obvious but have u been on the Debt Free Wannabe bit of this forum. With a baby and toddler, it does not seem like £39 a month disposable income is do-able? If u are on income support u can also have free debt advice from a number of debt counselling organisations.

If u haven't already, please consider these options. If u don't own your house and are on income support, it may also be worth considering bankruptcy.

I do understand how u are feeling, as many of us do. The forgetfulness is a symptom of stress. I know it sounds daft..., can u assign an hour a day to just have fun with your toddler.., take him to the park and concentrate on 'fun' time and laughter, it helped me destress even if initially the laughter was a bit forced. It didn't stay forced for long.

Is there anyone that can take your toddler off u briefly, to allow u to rest for a short while? If not, speak to your HV.., sometimes Surestart will give u a couple of afternoons a week for free.., she'll know more about if that service is available. Please speak to your HV about this. Its a very difficult situation u are in, I know, but u are entitled to ask for some help. I had to in the end and the benefits for the whole family were uncountable.

mumof1and1ontheway

A DRO is a type of bankrupcy. Part of the condition is you cannot have more than £50 disposable income per month. The £39 left over is after all my bills are paid and food, nappies etc have been bought. This is with me and toddler... before baby is born.

It is my incomings and outgoings I am struggling to work out once baby is here as I have no idea how much extra will be spent on nappies, wipes, milk, clothing etc. As I do not want to go for a DRO if I can never buy for birthday and xmas... but at the same time £50 a month will be more than I can afford if I am paying off debt for the next 20 or 30 years.

I have applied for a pilot scheme for my toddler for 1 day a week at nursery, but am now waiting to hear from my local childrens centre. They then have to evaluate my circumstances and decide whether I am eligible.

xmaslolly76

Mumof once i get my 4D scan out of the way on saturday and they confirm team pink i have a massive Collection of Baby boy clothes im quite happy to send you some of them. I have all sorts from outfits to babygrows to coats in sizes 0-3 to 6-9 months so if there is anything your short of let me know and i will put a little bundle together for you :-)

Edit: Thats if Bailey represents a boy ive just realised girls can be called Bailey to :-D

mumof1and1ontheway

lol xmas yes I'm expecting a boy That would be awesome, I dont mind paying something towards. I just cant afford new. But I am hoping I cant apply for the surestart grant soon (Im 28 weeks on saturday). So I can afford to buy some bits 2nd hand... and I am hoping to save at least £100 for emergancies... as once my DRO goes through I will be stuck if ever anything breaks or I need birthday presents etc. My son is 2 when the baby is due so I am panicking a little now as to what to do, what I can afford etc. eeek!

JBD

Mum of one, I had my youngest child as a single parent, and had a child who had just turned 3. He was very demanding [as had special needs at the time, although thankfully has overcome them]. Like you I felt unwell during the latest stages of pregnancy and was really scared I wasn't going to cope. It actually turned out to be fine, in fact looking back I think it was one of the best times of my life. First of all, try not to think about how difficult it will be. For one thing you are an experienced Mum, you will be able to be less worried about the baby, is he putting weight on etc. If you are going to breastfeed then try and make that and your little boy your main priority to start with. It's nice to hear that you have met someone new but try not to worry to much about this new relationship. He has decided to get involved with you in your situation so he will be expecting stress.
I agree, newborn babies need very little in the way of clothes. My daughter had one outfit, a few babygro's and vests and a couple of cardigans. She was still warm and clean and beautiful though. I just used to buy supermarket nappies and wipes which are much cheaper. That was pretty much all I bought [other than formula],everything else was hand me downs. So try not to worry, you can cope.

mumof1and1ontheway

JBD it makes me feel so much better reading that. My main worry is if I end up with a section, god knows how I'll cope then. and I know dealing with the ex will be very stressful, but not much I can change with that one!

emsywoo123

Hi OP
I have a 6 yr old DD and another on the way (am 15 weeks) so some understanding of what you are going through, as I split with bumps dad a little over a month ago.
I have very wobbly days wondering how I will cope, but I am trying to reason on 1 day at a time. That's all. I think of things I have been through in the past, and just keep focusing that this baby on its way is a gift. Despite my money worries, stresses and fear, many women would do anything to have a baby, let alone 2 children, so I just take a few moments when I feel overwhelmed to think of the sheer miracle and joy that is on it's way.
Woooooooo I sound a bit wafty now LOL so I'll shush

JBD

mumof1and1ontheway wrote: »

JBD it makes me feel so much better reading that. My main worry is if I end up with a section, god knows how I'll cope then. and I know dealing with the ex will be very stressful, but not much I can change with that one!

I understand, that was my biggest worry too.Have you spoken to your midwife about your delivery? It might be worthwhile just discussing it and letting her know that a CS would be a last resort for you.
Also you haven't mentioned it, but do you have any family or close friends whe would be willing to help/support you?