Am I being silly?

mumof1and1ontheway

I am almost 28 weeks pregnant, my son is 2 in July. I have been seperated since December and moved out to a rented place of my own in January.

In the next week or so I am filing for a Debt Relief Order which means my finances will be watched and I will have around £39 left over after bills every month and never more.

My divorce is currently going through, and my almost ex-husband will recieve the papers any day now for signing (which will be a ball of fire in itself due to me filing for divorce so obv it says bad things about him, but in the nicest possible way!).

I have been in hospital once already with this pregnancy due to bleeding and a urine infection and am now struggling to take my son out much because walking now hurts and I am just so tired all the time. Even bath time is hard because I get too hot and end up feeling ill.

I am getting more and more panicked the closer I get to the birth of this baby. My sons dad has his 2 nights a week which is a great break for me, but at the same time the ex is a stress in itself. I have even deactivated my facebook account (which was my only evening enjoyment lately as I liked farmtown). But I just could not cope with people sticking their nose in my business all the time.

I have also signed up for an open university course that starts in october... baby is due early august.

I feel like a terrible mother at the moment because I feel I cant do as much with my son, and am also now terrified of the baby coming because I have no idea how I will cope.

I have been seeing a new man for a few months now, but for obv reasons worry that my stress will pass on to him. He is so caring and supportive, but I worry I am going to ruin his life by him being with someone with a newborn and a toddler.

Has anyone else managed with a newborn and toddler as a single mum? I am so scared

esmf73

can't read and run, have no experience of being a single mum as my OH has always been there, even if he does nothing! Just wanted to say chill out, cut yourself some slack - you're doing the best you can given the circumstances. This is all anyone can do - children don't come with a manual. I wish I had one right now as DS1 is up in bed screaming that he hates us all and DS2 is constantly getting out of his bed and running between the two rooms - AARRRRGGGGHHHHH.

Just do what you can - lots of love to you.

foxy-roxy

First off (((BIG HUGS))
Oh hun thousands of women are in the same situation as you, my best friend for a start, you really are not on your own.
Hey, you have got a new boyfriend, he obvioulsy knows about the baby and toddler so what are you panicking about? If he wasn't interested he wouldn't be seeing you would he?
It's amazing what we can cope with when we have to, it's human instinct.
You need to stop thinking so far ahead and take each day as it comes. Don't plan 6 months from now just think about what you will be doing tomorrow, then do the same the next day and so on.
As for your financial situation have you been on the old style board? and the DFW board? you will get great tips on how to stretch the penny's.

Good idea about deleting your facebook account, it is unbelievable how nosy 'friends' can be, just after gossip all the time.

Good Luck hun and congrats on the new baby

mumof1and1ontheway

Thank you. I dont suppose anyone knows a rough spend on a newborn weekly do they? I am trying to work it all out so I dont have to think about it for a while lol x

pinkpig08

I would have said just nappies for a newborn! You can end up being given loads of clothes as presents - or if not then a few vests and sleepsuits is all a newborn will need. Are you planning on breastfeeding? That will save lots of money too

mumof1and1ontheway

I am planning on breastfeeding but am working it out as though I am formula feeding if I can. My way of thinking is that then for the time I can breast feed, the money I would save on formula I can save?

Vests and clothes Ill get cheaply but I guess I need to budget for those as once baby grows into the next size Id have to buy all new etc wouldnt I x

Alleycat

Have you joined any pregnancy/baby websites such as Babycentre or Netmums? They are fantastic places for support and most have 'birth boards' where you can chat with other parents of children of the same age / stage of pregancy. They often have nearly new boards as well where you can pick up loads of baby and toddler clothes really cheaply. The great thing about baby stuff is it tends to be in such great condition as it has often only been worn a handful of times. I quite often see bundles of sleepsuits, vests etc going for a few pounds plus postage.

*Louise*

Sorry to hear you are so stressed

You describe your new man as caring and supportive - I really think you need to let him be that, instead of worrying yourself more about him as well.

I'm sure your son doesn't mind if he is indoors or outdoors as long as he is with his mum - just spend some time reading, drawing etc, you don;t have to feel bad that you're not out and active, it's time together that counts.

Ps re. Facebook - if you liked it and felt relaxed playing the apps, then set up a new account under a differnt name...you can chill with the games without having anyone annoying you.

xmaslolly76

Mumof1 you can keep a baby for about £20 a week thats a pack of nappies and a tin of formula. As for the clothes start stashing the next sizes up now as you see them going cheap. For the first 12 months i personally think babies are better off in baby grows anyway than fussy outfits and those you can pick up new for next to nothing from asda/tesco.

You will be a fab mom to the new one you already are a fab mom to little J so take take a deep breath take one day at a time and you will get there :-)

JoJoB

Freecycle is particularly good for baby things - I just got a booster chair off there.
Do not buy anything until you have put a wanted ad on freecycle, it's amazing what people will help you out with!

Breastfeeding will obviously be more economical in the long run than formula.

If you haven't got a Boots Advantage Card get one now and register for the Parenting Club. You can register while you are pregnant. They send you vouchers for money off nappies and other baby items etc, and they will send you a voucher for a free changing bag. I buy all my nappies at Boots and save the loyalty card points all year then go shopping with them at Christmas.

Newborns only need a couple of outfits for the purpose of looking nice for visitors IMO. All you really need for them are babygroes, vests, a hat and cardigans from 0-3 months.

Think seriously about postponing the OU course. You are going to be exhausted and you don't want the course becoming a chore when it is something you could really enjoy if taken a few months later. The first 3 months you will be sleep deprived and hormonal and just need to concentrate on yourself and baby. Not the time to take on other major commitments! Really, don't make things even harder on yourself.

Bath time - hope you are not doing this every day if it is making you feel ill. It will do your little one no harm at all to bathe every other day or even every 3 days. Give yourself a guilt-free break and stop trying to do everything. You're in the last stages of pregnancy and having a rough time of it. Rest up!

mumof1and1ontheway

Thanks for all your replies. No I do not do bath time daily, even other day normally. But he was at his dads until Tues eve and I have no idea if he bathed him while he was there... so I normally bath him Tues or Weds anyway. But have been so tired. So today he is going to have a bath before lunch and I am going to climb in with him, in hopes its a bit more comfortable for me. That way I can interact with him and dont have to keep worrying about trying to catch him (he likes to stand up and jump about alot). As normally I end up sat on the floor or kneeling at the side of the bath so I'm within distance for catching him lol.

I do have a bin bag of clothes of every size up until about 6 months atm, which someone kindly gave me. So I am hoping to just top up in vests and sleepsuits.

I have no idea what I spend on food for myself and my son atm, or even how many nappies he goes through. And thats where the srtuggle begins. I end up getting confused with bills and for example this week my IS should of been saved towards my rent, but instead I forgot and got a big food shop!! So now I am struggling as I am having to keep £90 in the bank ready to pay for my DRO.

I am going to try hard to sort it all out before I apply for the DRO so that I know where I am up to, because I know that once baby is here my head will be all over the place!!

I think I might take your advice with the OU course. Tbh being at home not working I feel like a bit of a bum. I dont mean that disrespectfully to anyone who doesnt work because I do not mean in like that. But now that I cant go out much with bump being big and uncomfortable... I dont know.. I feel a bit useless. So I guess the course was one way of making myself feel better like I wasnt just mummy, but was making progress towards my future. But I see now its probably quite unrealistic to be able to start that in October!!!