Do I run too tight a budget?

nickyhutch

JodyBPM wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. As I said earlier, we're talking together about it, and we're both open minded to either camping or a cottage or even a caravan, depending on what we find that catches our eye.

One thing I have to say, though, is that a lot have people have alluded to my poor hardworking husband needing a holiday! I work too! I bring in close to half of the household income by working two days a week, and also do the lions share of childcare, chores, finances, shopping, arranging childcare etc! I get the impression that a lot of people think that my DH is working hard earning all the money, and I'm grabbing it and controlling it. That's not the case in our relationship! My husband DOES work hard 5 days a week, I work hard 7, AND make a significant financial contribution. I feel that my views on how the money is spent are equally as valid as his. If DH earned the lions share of the money, perhaps I might feel it was HIS money and HIS right to spend it on what he wanted, but that's not how the finances work in this house, they are JOINT finances and we made a JOINT decison (although instigated by me) to pay off the mortgage in 2 years. If we spend a lot of money on a holiday, we will not meet that JOINT, AGREED goal. The decision to pay of the mortgage in 2 was only made at the beginning of this year, so I guess I feel that if 5 months in he wants to add an extra 2 or 3 months to the goal, where will that end? Will he want another holiday next year as well? And a big blow out at Christmas? Or a new telly? or whatever...

I understand all that completely, and didn't mean to sound like I though he worked harder than you. It does sound, though, like he may want to revisit that JOINT decision and perhaps extend the 2 year goal to a loonger one, so that all the fun doesn't disappear for 2 years. I know it's a JOINT, AGREED goal, but people change their minds - suerly that's allowed? You sound like you feel your views on the hoilday are more valid than his, to be honest.

JodyBPM

nickyhutch wrote: »

I understand all that completely, and didn't mean to sound like I though he worked harder than you. It does sound, though, like he may want to revisit that JOINT decision and perhaps extend the 2 year goal to a loonger one, so that all the fun doesn't disappear for 2 years. I know it's a JOINT, AGREED goal, but people change their minds - suerly that's allowed? You sound like you feel your views on the hoilday are more valid than his, to be honest.

The timescale, whilst not set in stone, does have some necessary parameters. Paying off the mortgage in 2 would allow us 2 years MF to save to cover stamp duty, moving fees etc. We need to movein 4 years in order to get our eldest into a decent secondary school.

I guess I feel that slightly my views are more valid, because they are what we both agreed just 5 months ago. DH is the one changing the agenda, not me! I feel frustrated that he's dumped this on me in May, when the only place we could find that amount of money is from the mortgage savings. If he'd said to me in January when we were sorting the finances that he wanted to spend £1k each year on a holiday, then I could have shaved perhaps £50 each per month off the personal spends, perhaps £100 each month off the joint spends etc so we had money available to pay for it, and still maintained the savings. I feel a little bit that he wants to have his cake and eat it!

mummy_Jay

How about looking at this from the other way. What do you think you are able to afford to spend on a holiday without messing up your goal.

When you have the budget then both of you can go and see what you can get with in that budget. Maybe if your DH really wants a fortnight in a cottage he can find away to do it within budget maybe not.

By setting a budget your not saying no, your just saying lets keep this with in our means.

As for your money budget it seems more than reasonable, your family are not missing out for it. I thinks its just a case of some people see the bigger picture easier and find it easy to control their urges when it comes to reaching a goal, your OH may find it hard to see past the short term?

Redman30

JodyBPM wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies. As I said earlier, we're talking together about it, and we're both open minded to either camping or a cottage or even a caravan, depending on what we find that catches our eye.

One thing I have to say, though, is that a lot have people have alluded to my poor hardworking husband needing a holiday! I work too! I bring in close to half of the household income by working two days a week, and also do the lions share of childcare, chores, finances, shopping, arranging childcare etc! I get the impression that a lot of people think that my DH is working hard earning all the money, and I'm grabbing it and controlling it. That's not the case in our relationship! My husband DOES work hard 5 days a week, I work hard 7, AND make a significant financial contribution. I feel that my views on how the money is spent are equally as valid as his. If DH earned the lions share of the money, perhaps I might feel it was HIS money and HIS right to spend it on what he wanted, but that's not how the finances work in this house, they are JOINT finances and we made a JOINT decison (although instigated by me) to pay off the mortgage in 2 years. If we spend a lot of money on a holiday, we will not meet that JOINT, AGREED goal. The decision to pay of the mortgage in 2 was only made at the beginning of this year, so I guess I feel that if 5 months in he wants to add an extra 2 or 3 months to the goal, where will that end? Will he want another holiday next year as well? And a big blow out at Christmas? Or a new telly? or whatever...

You're completely right of course. But you clearly have your way for 52 weeks of the year, why not BOTH have a little relax for the other two?

Compromise is a two way street, if you feel he's the one that ought to compromise on this that's fair enough. But be very aware that being as frugal as you are may not be quite as much of a JOINT decision in your husbands mind as you think it is. You may end up putting pressure where it's unnecessary and causing a little resentment...

Any

JodyBPM wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies - a bit of a mixed bunch, some seeing it from my POV and some from my DH's I'd say.

Will have a chat with DH this evening, but I was thinking about a compromise - one week, rather than two, and doing a big supermarket shop when we get there and taking pack ups with us for days out and an agreed spending budget for activities. Does this seem reasonable, or (especially to those who are seeing it from my DH's point of view) would you feel that I'm diluting his "fun" by suggesting the compromise ie carrying the MSing into the holiday, rather than an escape from it.

I'll see what he thinks.

I think to make it also feel like a holiday I would compromise on the food too...

Couple of year ago we hired a villa abroad and asked our recently (and skint) friend to go with us. He wanted "holiday" ie abroad, sun & some fun on a budget.. So we did big supermarket shop and had all of the lunches and breakfasts home made (or grilled chicken from local butcher for couple of quit and eat it on the beach) and went out every other night for meal and stayed in and cooked the alternative night. Also with 3 adults each of us only cooked once...

It was brill.

gabyjane

JodyBPM wrote: »

The timescale, whilst not set in stone, does have some necessary parameters. Paying off the mortgage in 2 would allow us 2 years MF to save to cover stamp duty, moving fees etc. We need to movein 4 years in order to get our eldest into a decent secondary school.

I guess I feel that slightly my views are more valid, because they are what we both agreed just 5 months ago. DH is the one changing the agenda, not me! I feel frustrated that he's dumped this on me in May, when the only place we could find that amount of money is from the mortgage savings. If he'd said to me in January when we were sorting the finances that he wanted to spend £1k each year on a holiday, then I could have shaved perhaps £50 each per month off the personal spends, perhaps £100 each month off the joint spends etc so we had money available to pay for it, and still maintained the savings. I feel a little bit that he wants to have his cake and eat it!

Ok first bold bit! does that mean effectively once you have done all this saving and getting mortgage free there is another 2 years of saving on the agenda for the fees etc? if i have read that wrong then sorry but if not i can see him feeling a little tied as thats 4 years in total.

The second bit..i can see how you are feeling and understand completely where you are coming from. We saved up some money for our decking (obviously not on the same scale as a mortgage being paid off but still!) to be done a few weeks back..we never really do one off big payments as usually save like you said bits each month so was odd to take a huge chunk out of the bank..at one point i said to dh 'ahh we can cope without the decking lets not do it and keep the money' BUT i am so glad we did,,it looks fab, we can now sit on a lovely flat area..it's prob added a small amount to the value of the house as made the garden look so much bigger. What would we do with it now if we had saved it?

Moneys for enjoying thats why we mostly work isnt it? enjoy it!

JodyBPM

gabyjane wrote: »

Ok first bold bit! does that mean effectively once you have done all this saving and getting mortgage free there is another 2 years of saving on the agenda for the fees etc? if i have read that wrong then sorry but if not i can see him feeling a little tied as thats 4 years in total.

The second bit..i can see how you are feeling and understand completely where you are coming from. We saved up some money for our decking (obviously not on the same scale as a mortgage being paid off but still!) to be done a few weeks back..we never really do one off big payments as usually save like you said bits each month so was odd to take a huge chunk out of the bank..at one point i said to dh 'ahh we can cope without the decking lets not do it and keep the money' BUT i am so glad we did,,it looks fab, we can now sit on a lovely flat area..it's prob added a small amount to the value of the house as made the garden look so much bigger. What would we do with it now if we had saved it?

Moneys for enjoying thats why we mostly work isnt it? enjoy it!

We will be effectively saving for around 4 years, but with the pressure lifted after 2, because the mortage should be paid of, which would give us an extra £700 a month, the idea being that we save £1K a month giving us an extra £300 or so in the "spends" pot each month, which does already have some flex in it. Also DH is due a £150 month payrise in the next few months, and I should have an extra £50 a month in August, which will make all the difference.

Pee

I am sure that you do work hard. You and your OH are a team and it sounds like you are both pulling your weight. You seem to be striving for the future, which you admit you want more than he does, and I wonder if you will be truly happy when you get there. I live in a small house in the country and in an ideal world, I'd probably like to live in the nearby small town, although my OH is happy where we are and it's cheap, so we stay. Holidays are important to me and that would be a bigger priority than repaying the mortgage. I like camping, but I also like going abroad. What you and your OH think and also what is best for the children are equally important considerations here and only through talking will you know what is most important for your team.

silvasava

I know 1k sounds like a lot of money & yes it is - but - 2 weeks for 4 people means £125pw each - not such a lot especially in August. Go for it & have a lovely time, enjoy your family & take plenty of photos

the_cat

JodyBPM wrote: »

I feel frustrated that he's dumped this on me in May, when the only place we could find that amount of money is from the mortgage savings. If he'd said to me in January when we were sorting the finances that he wanted to spend £1k each year on a holiday, then I could have shaved perhaps £50 each per month off the personal spends, perhaps £100 each month off the joint spends etc so we had money available to pay for it, and still maintained the savings.

Is there a reason why you can't get the same net effect by using the mortgage money to pay for the holiday and then cut back the spends as detailed above to 'pay back' the mortgage funds?