Real life MMD: Should I ask for my money?

taxing

A friend in need is a friend indeed.....or so the saying goes.

You don't say if Bob is in work or on benefits? Probably the latter if you paid all the deposit?

But why did you go in to this together in first place?

In my experience landlords do usually insist on separate letting agreements with each tenant (unless they are a married or legally 'entangled' couple' - not the case here, I think?) and will run a reference check on each intended tenant. Then, each tenant becomes responsible for their own share of the rental income & direct to the landlord or landlords agent - so why has this not happened with you two?

It seems to me that this is your 'Let' and Bob is a sub tenant? Did you think this might be a 'cheap' way for you to be able to afford a flat you could not really have afforded on your own?

Did Bob 'go along' hoping to be able to contribute but failing miserably?

I think, lesson learned....you can't afford the flat and you can't rely on Bob to supplement the rent either so get out as soon as you can under the Terms of the Lease and get somewhere you can afford on your own.

Write off what you 'think' Bob owes you - I'm not so sure he does owe you anything other than gratitude for a roof over his head at an obviously very difficult time in his life.

mst197

I've lent money to friends before - some have been completely fine and grateful and paid it all back. Some have not. I don't think you can have a blanket policy of no lending, as we all know life is not a straight road and being human, it is in most of our nature's to help another fellow human being.

The hardest thing is seeing that this guy is still spending money on luxuries - he's clearly not cutting back even though he's supposedly skint, so he's taking the mick really.

You might not get direct cash back - so why not consider alternatives - everytime he goes to the take-away, ask him if he can pick you up a dish of your choice and a drink too.

Is there something else he can do for you instead to help repay your debt - does he have a skill? I had a tenant that owed me lots of money, but he had expertise in wiring aerials and cables, a service I needed for myself so got him to repay his debt in labour terms.

Does he have any friends that would be good sales / networking opportunities he can introduce you to? A good intro could lead you to an opportunity much bigger than the debt he has with you. e.g. If you are going to Australia, and he has a friend that works in an airline, see if he can wrangle you a friends and family discount on your flight.

He probably has an issue with paying you money, but if he saves you from spending cash on things that you would have paid for anyway, it equates to same thing.

People often in debt to others soon become complacent and think they deserve the money that was given to them and do nothing to help themselves. Be grateful you were in a position to lend him money and that you are also in a position to potentially write it off. You gave help to someone, you might not be rewarded from the person you helped, but you are often rewarded in a different way if you help others :j

Good luck,
Mo Talukder

HappySad

Ask for the money back and as the other have said don't expect this person to pay you. Just right it off and never lend money. Those who manage their money well will not need to ask you for money and those who cannot manage their money will ask you and !!!! your money in the wind just like the own money and not pay you back. I also learn he hard way myself.

If a friend has money problems let their own family loose their money by lending it to them. If they cannot goto their family then his is more evidence to show that if they family have learnt that he/she is not good with money then why should you waste your money on them.

I lent money to a friend and they did the same went on hollidays and pubs and when I asked for my own money back they gave all sort of hardship stories and how mean I was to ask for my own money back.. When they did worst .. ask for my own money.
NEVER LEND!!!

silvery

Short and sweet. Yes, write it off, move to somewhere cheaper.
You must help yourself first before you can help someone else. Otherwise both of you will end up in the doodoo. Sort it out now, before you go away.
This isn't being cruel or heartless, it's just realistic.
If you want to help your friend then you can, but you must be secure first.

rasper121

write it off you are never going to see that money again. Possibly best option is to move out and let that be the wake up call for your house mate to stand on his own two feet.

pennypinchUK

While it's sad his dad has died I'm sure this in itself hasn't changed Bob's debt situation, so while I'm sympathetic it's irrelevant when it comes to Bob's finances. And Bob is still spending money on beer and take-outs, so he's not being responsible financially.

He knows he owes you money, but he's not taking your friendship at all seriously if he continues to sponge off you while spending money he hasn't got (and therefore by extension he's spending your money).

Set him an ultimatum - pay you the money he owes, or tell him to leave. You can always get another flatmate in the short term if you can't afford the place on your own and you're on a fixed term tenancy.

greenalien_2

Lending someone money is the best way to lose a friend, because it establishes an unequal relationship between you, putting your friend in an inferior position, which they will then resent. If you value someone's friendship, leave the moneylending to the banks - and if the bank won't lend your friend the money, it's very unlikely that any loan you make will be repaid.
Unfortunately, in the example given, it sounds as though you may regard Bob as a friend, but he just regards you as a meal ticket - if he cared about repaying you, he'd be living on the student's staple of baked beans and water (at least some of the time!).
If you really want to be generous to your friend, give them the money as a gift, and forget about it; that way, you won't be expecting to get the cash back, thus avoiding the stress of worrying about it - and it will be a nice surprise if you are eventually repaid - ( any morally decent person will try to return the gift somehow, what goes around comes around and all that ) - and if you really can't afford to give the money away, you can't afford to lend it either.

reluctantworkingmum

* Of course you should. If he stopped paying then you know he isnt just going to start again.

* If he can afford beer and takeawways he can afford to pay you back.
(if he could not afford the basics - that would be a different matter!)

* Feel sorry for him and offer him comfort in his grief BUT that is a different matter to the debt

* Find an excuse and move out if you want to keep his frienship (just because he is crap with money shouldn't affect your friendship - he who only has perfect friends is a lonely person)

scchin

look after yourself first. but as a rule of thumb, never lend money to friends, ever again, if you can help it!

stingyC

Mistake 1: paying the deposit
Mistake 2: entering into a contract to pay a landlord with someone unreliable
Mistake 3: paying the rent/bills when your friend clearly had disposable income

Last time I checked, pizza delivery drivers don't accept "my dad just died" as payment, why should you subsidise it?

With hindsight, you should have nipped this in the bud much sooner. You *MUST* ask for it back (I don't understand why that is even a question tbh), but I doubt you will see any of it, there will always be some excuse or other.

Some people will take liberties if they can. Youre too soft. Learn from this expensive lesson.