Real life MMD: Should I ask for my money?

Ebenezer_Screwj

A very big mistake to fund this "friend" in the first place. You should insist on your money back, but don't hold your breath and - look for someone more reliable to share with.

Primrose

Of course you should ask for your money back. Presumably you went into the flatshare on a 50-50 cost sharing basis. You should try to make allowances for the fact that his father's death has left him in a vulnerable emotional position, but you should also try to support him in his efforts to deal with his debt.
If you can't delay your travels though, I suspect that you will be obliged to write the money off. It doesn't sound as if he's the kind of person who will eventually pay up if and when he can afford to, otherwise he probably wouldn't have been in the position in the first place where his initial rent and deposit needed funding by somebody else.
Probably best not to court further issues and end up where you're funding more and more of your accommodation expenditure if he's not making reasonable sacrifices to deal with his debt problem. I'd be honest with him and simply say you can't afford to fund him any further without endangering your own financial planning, so you'll have to move out to somewhere cheaper. However, if you've signed up for a joint tenancy on your flat, you'll still be equally liable for contracted expenditures so you could end up having to pay for separate accommodation, as well as your contracted expenditure on rent, utilities, etc.
Check out your legal position before making any decision..

Philycheesesteak

Anyone who buys regular takeways and 'claims' they're short of cash is living in cloud cookoo land.

Personally I would ask for the money, if he gives you any excuses tell him then you'll have to move out and find somewhere on your own. If he's any friend or has any sense (cos he knows he'll be stuck without a deposit to find anywhere) he'll cut back and cough up.

jamespir

id ask for it back too but wouldnt expect to reciev it

Stampede_2

To give a fuller / maybe even different A there are a few details to be clarified, however:
You talk about paying 'his deposit'. Really important was that a loan or advance to a tenancy in his name only or did you actually pay his and yours ? If you have a tenancy or any other agrement in both names you are normally what is termed ' jointly and severally liable'. A legal term meaning the landlord / creditor can go for either of you if you do not observe the full terms of the tenancy agreement, if your friend has no money and you have, you can be sued for the lot !!! You can in turn sue him but remember only rich idiots sue for principles and you can not get blood out of a stone.
Time to read the small print very carefully, maybe even take it to a Citizen Advice or Neighbourhood Law Centre if you are not sure. This will probably clarify your views and next move and is more important than getting back what you have lent your friend. Make sure you give notice correctly if you decide to split.
After that the signs are not good for a lasting friendship where trust and finances are being linked and for your own financial security I think you should try and find another place without the mill stone of him and his debts around your neck.
Realistically you are unlikley to get your money back and remain friends, which matters most, if you were not acting as his banker would you be friends ?

:jtotally debt free, but gettig a little bit fed up having to keep moving my remaining money round for these limited offers, small print, limited bonus rates etc. Being a rate tart is a pain but seems the only way to survive nowadays.

juliamarsh

Having read everyone else's responses I have concluded that I must be extremely hard hearted, but my immediate reaction to this was- of course you should expect him to pay the money back,and I haven't revised my opinion. Whether you will actually get it is another matter. The fact that he is still buying beer and takeaways says it all, he is just like many others who get into serious debt because they keep on buying unnecessary items that they cannot afford and are not prepared to take responsibility for their finances and try to live within their means. If he was making any effort to pay you back I would be more sympathetic, but clearly that is not his no.1 priority, he is blatantly sponging off you and that doesn't make him a very good friend in my opinion. I take it he hasn't actually paid anything towards the rent? His father's death is really sad but I think it is completely irrelevant to his inability to manage his finances. I wouldn't carry on subsidising him if I were you - at least as someone else pointed out you will get the deposit back that you paid on his behalf but I wouldn't hold my breath about getting the rest of it sadly!

DdraigGoch

Having been in similar circumstances I can say with certainty that I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for your money, also your friendship to this person is obviously sincere but it doesn't seem to be reciprocated. A real friend doesn't do this.

I have lent people money and lost both the money and the friends, every time. So now, I don't lend to anyone other than immediate family.

It's a shame, but it could be a very cheap lesson for you. It took me over £8K to learn it... don't do as I did, do as I say!

wurley

Sounds like Bob hasn't grown up yet. Life isn't free. No-one owes you anything. Enough cliches ..... Its sad that he has lost his dad. You knew he had money troubles.

All the above didn't give you enough warning to NOT lend money? And yet you still planned a holiday to Australia relying on Bob to pay you back so you can have spending money. This should be a heads up for you. Take a business view when it comes to handling your own finances not a charity one.

One more thing why did you pay the deposit and advance rent and not put the flat in your name? LOSER. Kiss that money goodbye and slap yourself around the back of the head for being so daft!

On the social side - Keep Bob as a friend but never discuss money again.

On the legal side you can take him to the small claims court but theres no guarantee he'll pay them either.

Pellyman

Firstly you must re-designate Bob to 'EX-friend'. Friendship is a two way thing and he obviously doesn't treat you as a friend, more like a sucker! Now, with a different mind set, you can discuss repayment with Bob but don't expect any offer you can rely on in the future.

Secondly, with that out of the way you can seek the best way out of any legal obligations your current arrangements have involved you in. There are so many possibilities it is impossible to make comment here but 'Citizens Advice' may be your simple first option.

Finally, recognise that you have a (serious, if you can't just walk away?) problem and are almost certain to lose most of your current outlay. Deal with it - Don't let it fester - Get it sorted before you leave for Oz or don't go until it IS sorted, because if you don't, it will be a much bigger problem when you return..

Cimscate

20 years ago I lent £5000 to my closest friend whose business was going down the pan for 'a few weeks' while she got herself sorted out. The business eventually went bankrupt and for many years she and her partner were living on benefits but having quite a nice life style it seemed to me whilst I slowly grew more resentful. Every time I plucked up the courage to say something some disaster would strike and I would feel I could not do it (I did not want to lose the friendship) 4 years ago I eventually did get regular payments arranged but she was most upset when I worked out a flat 2% interest rate for the duration of the loan,. Our friendship has survived but in my heart I don't feel the same about her although I don't think she ever realised that. In retrospect I would say NEVER lend money to a friend and yes, ask for your money back because it will never be repaid if you don't.