How does anyone do it?

Destined_to_be_skint

Hats off to you Myrtle but how did your relationship cope with all this? Did you get weekends together?

alanobrien

I think there are 2 ways to go with paying the mortgage off early the hard way and the easy way. Some people go for it in a big way to (in my view at least) the detriment of their life "today" but they clearly see the short term sacrifice being worth it in the long run.

Others look on it like long term investing - little and often over the long term makes a significant impact.
So dont worry if you can't pay of large extra sums each month, even a tiny regular overpayment makes a difference.

MoaningMyrtle

Destined_to_be_skint wrote:

Hats off to you Myrtle but how did your relationship cope with all this? Did you get weekends together?

It coped fine, we went into the arrangement together, Mr MM wanted to have a big part in child rearing. We had some time at weekends together, usually one day. Mr MM gets a day off during the week so every week is different. Sometime we get a day off together when the children are at school so that's great for us.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

darktrader

Life's hard.

Keep reading how others have done it.

And, forgive me, work hard to change your mindset. "Can't afford to get married...costs £4.5K..."

I don't actually recall the cost when my wife and I married 20 years ago. It wasn't expensive though. Just the cost of the licence, registry office and the price of a small buffet at my wife's parents house. See, we knew even then that the important thing is the marriage; not the wedding day.

Miss_Penny_Pincher_2

Dark trader there are so many pressures and expectations these days! I'm currently organising our wedding for 5 weeks time (argghh) and we have saved up £3,000 for it.

I'm finding it's not easy to have a wedding at that price primarily because of family expectations! We booked it for a Thursday mainly because it's the only way we could have afforded a country house hotel wedding with 3 course wedding breakfast for 40 people and evening reception for 100 people! But I have had comments over why isn't it on a Saturday and three close family members phoned me and strongly complained about it! So I point out that it's our anniversary and we love the place but it's booked up on Saturdays until 2008.

We planned to have guests do the photography but my mum strongly disagreed with that so thats another £350 we need to allocate.

Have got articial flowers for practicality, cost and because me, my sisters and the chief bridesmaid have hayfever. My father complained about that and other people have commented on it negatively! Have bought bridal bouquet, 2 bridesmaid bouquets and 2 corsages and 4 buttonholes and artificial long stemmed roses and dried petals for table decorations yet my dad complained need to have more flowers.

Was going to have just a flower girl but Mr Pincher's sister begged to be a bridesmaid so that upped costs there (extra bouquet, dress and gift)!

Have bought just the bridesmaids necklaces as gifts but was told I should buy jewellery for all 3 of my sisters as well as Mr Pincher's other sister and anybody who helps out!!

Even with things like my shoes I'm getting a lot of pressure from friends! I want to wear some elegant white boots as I feel more confident in them, would be able to wear them again and also I hate showing my feet but my friends are insisting that I get 2 pedicures = £36 and open toe sandals.

Have decided not to have a wedding car as I was going to stay at the hotel the night before but again people keep saying you should have one, looks good for the photos etc.

Whoever said it's the brides day??? Don't want to moan - just wanted to show some of the pressures to spend money!

Thefunkygibbons

Just celebrated 15 years

Our wedding was done on the cheap, but it was our choice

The thing we felt strongest about was photography

We just had guests take snaps

Recently we were at a wedding and we felt that the photographer ran the day, and took the couple away for at least an hour

Stand your ground

Miss_Penny_Pincher_2

Thanks TFG - I'm trying but it gets me down with all these people so strongly pressuring! People think I'm a cheapskate I think!! The photographer we have is only going to be there for around 1 and a half hours so shouldn't take over the day too much.

The package with the hotel includes 3 glasses of sparkling wine for each day guest and I hadn't even given that any consideration until a friend of mine scorned it the other day for not being champayne

cupid_s

good luck with your wedding miss penny pincher!
i can't believe people are telling you how to have your big day.

tell your friends you're wearing the boots and that's it. they can't insist you spend your money on anything!
we got married 2 and a half years ago and i can tell you i took no nonsense from anyone. if someone had complained about the day i chose to have it on i would have honestly told them to f*ck off and not bother coming (i'm really polite obviously) and that'd been £30 i saved per person!

My mom complained at not having her own wedding car to take her to the ceremony so i (less than politely) said she could pay for it herself or shut up.

I bought gifts for both sets of parents the one bridesmaid and best man. That was it. You can't really afford to buy gifts for everyone who helps.

We had wedding cars for me, bridesmaid and dad and one for hubby and best man (we live 15 miles from the church so really needed one) it features on 2 of the 50 wedding photos but neither are the ones we had enlarged and display so no-one ever really sees it. Don't have one just so it can be on a couple of photos.

i do think your mom is right about a photographer though because you can't rely on friends to take good/nice pics

do what you want. get tough with people. there's enoguh stress on you without all this. your family and friends should be a bit more considerate in my opinion!

Miss_Penny_Pincher_2

Destined_to_be_skint wrote:

This is a fantastic site, people, but I really can’t see how we can possibly pay off our mortgage early, or even afford to have children...

I just think it all seems like it is an uphill struggle from here onwards. Due to my age I have a five year window in which to start having children and I really don’t see how we can afford to live off my OH’s salary if I were to give up work to have children – it would just cover our current outgoings - mortgage, bills and food, leaving nothing for running a car, taking holidays, household repairs/maintenance, buying clothes/shoes. How the heck do people do it these days?

I can understand how you feel and I have been wondering how on earth can we afford to have children and pay the mortgage off early. What makes it more difficult is Mr Pincher earns half what I do (not much more than the minimum wage, I suspect!) so it's difficult to see how I could be a stay at home mum. We currently pay £1022 a month on the mortgage and another £230 on bills. His take home pay is £830 :eek:

I created a spreadsheet to consider the financial practicalities covering income during pregnancy e.g. child benefit, statutory maternity pay, his salary and it works out that we will need to find around £300 a month to cover everything during my maternity leave which is doable if practice living on that amount before have children and save all the excess ready for maternity leave.

Also have you thought about using any overpayments to reduce the amount you pay each month rather than the mortgage term? These overpayments still reduce the amount of interest you pay although I think not as much as reducing the term would. This would mean there is less pressure while you are on maternity leave as your monthly mortgage payments will be a bit lower.

Really I would love to be a stay at home mum but I don't think that would be possible until the mortgage is paid off! I did some sums around me working part-time which would reduce the amount spent on child care and increase the amount of child tax credits and working tax credits I would be entitled to. Things would be much tighter than if I worked full time but it does look possible if I can find a part-time job on similar pay per hour as what I'm on now.

Please don't lose heart - look into these possibilities and you may realise it can be a possibility without you having to lose the house x

darktrader

Miss_Penny_Pincher wrote:

Dark trader there are so many pressures and expectations these days! I'm currently organising our wedding for 5 weeks time (argghh) and we have saved up £3,000 for it.

I'm finding it's not easy to have a wedding at that price primarily because of family expectations...

Just stop, pause and take a step back. Then ask yourself this question:

"If I'm in real financial difficulties in the future, on the verge of losing everything, who amongst my relatives and friends will put their hands into their pockets and help me out?"

I can guess the answer. The world is full of family and friends only too willing to spend other people's money. Live your life the way you want to. If others don't enjoy the journey, they can get off the train