How does anyone do it?

Destined_to_be_skint

This is my first post on here and it’s going to be a whinging one!!! This is a fantastic site, people, but I really can’t see how we can possibly pay off our mortgage early, or even afford to have children.

First of all, I would like to say that I feel very blessed with my life – my partner, my family, my health, my friends, my talents, and the house we have is lovely in a nicish area. After reading some of the horror stories on here regarding debt, I know we are not badly off but I just can't see how we can possibly have a family.

We bought our first house with an 80% mortgage of £177K earlier this year, with a 20 year term as I couldn’t see there was a huge difference between monthly repayments on 25 years compared with 20 years (but a huge difference in total money paid out). We have this fixed for 10 years at 4.65%, and we can make over payments of £1000 minimum whenever we want to up to 10% of the value of the mortgage each year. I chose a fixed rate as I was sure that interest rates would be going up in the long term (was proved correct last week!)

We live pretty frugally – we go out once a week, we’ve only eaten out about three times since we bought the house in January, I don’t have a car, we don’t buy lots of stuff or clothes or gadgets or presents. All our home furnishings were brought from my previous flat, and everything else we needed has been donated by relatives. The only thing we bought was a bed.

I just think it all seems like it is an uphill struggle from here onwards. Due to my age I have a five year window in which to start having children and I really don’t see how we can afford to live off my OH’s salary if I were to give up work to have children – it would just cover our current outgoings - mortgage, bills and food, leaving nothing for running a car, taking holidays, household repairs/maintenance, buying clothes/shoes. How the heck do people do it these days?

We don’t have any debts and I don’t have any savings either, although my OH does have some. We both have pensions. After I’ve paid the mortgage, bills, groceries, pension and student loan, I have £330 to play with to cover anything other than the necessities. I am trying to save £200 a month out of this but it is proving almost impossible – a weekend away seeing a friend is £40 train fare.

If we were to have kids we would have to extend the house/convert the loft or move to a bigger house, all of which costs a lot more money.

ATM we can’t even afford to get married. I’ve read the thread on wedding planning and reckon we could do it for about £4500 as OH has an enormous extended family that would have to be invited. I also have lots of friends and have been to loads of weddings in the past few years, so we would have to invite lots of people. All my friends had white weddings and they have all been able to give up work to look after their children as they bought their houses before the property boom. I never used to compare myself to people but lately I’ve begun to feel really bitter that I am never going to be able to have a “nice” life due to having an enormous mortgage. I think this upsets me so much because my family were very poor when I was a child and I often got bullied for wearing second hand clothes that were 15 years out of date, etc.

Sorry to whinge but short of winning the lottery, what can we do? I am disabled so can’t really get a better paid job and OH is happy to stay in his job and doesn’t want to move.

littlemissfrugal

i think you are trying to compare yourselves with others too much, it is hard when everyone else seems to have an easier ride but thats life, with regard your wedding if you wanted to could get married loads cheaper than £ 4500 you don't have to do anything because its whats expected, ask yourself what means the most being married or the wedding? My OH's cousin spent about £10k getting married 2 weeks before us, we did it on the cheap just church fees, nice dress DD as bridesmaid all to the pub after for a simple buffet cost under £650 and everyone said how much they enjoyed it.

see if you can make savings anywhere the advice on these forums is fantastic - you need to have some sort of plan and a wish list but you need also to work out how you are going to acheive it - Good Luck and don't get so down

Ciara111

It is a totally fantastic site... Im addicted!
Congrats and be thankful that you were able to make this achievement of purchasing your own home.

My husband and I got married at Gretna Green and Im sure on some tourist's camcorder! He arranged everything. We then had a party where we had all of our friends and none of the "pomp and circumstance". I would have liked to have gotten married in a church, but with me living in the States at the time... it wasn't really feasible. My day was still speacial and that's all that matters in the end. Spent less than £500 on everything including renting a car to drive there, hotel in Scotland-Craigadam (it was lovely), wedding dress and fees for registrar.

As for kids.... I dont have any yet, but Im sure you will get lots of responses on that. In my humble opinion, I think that you have to decide what it right for you... and if you want children, you will find a way.

jasmin10

I am in that situation. We had our baby in September 05 and I gave up work. I am lucky enough to be in a position where my partner has agreed that to me being a stay at home mum. Don't get me wrong it is hard, very hard. We made sure that whatever house we buy we could afford it on just one wage whether it be my partners or mine. We made sure that we didn't have any debts (i.e. no car loans, credit cards, overdrafts etc) and haven't for some years now except the mortgage.

At the end of the month we have about £250 pounds to do what we want with. Petrol is the only thing that comes out of it, fuel cost is low as my partner works continental shifts and I don't use the car much now as I walk everywhere. I have made changes such as the doctors, dentist and hairdressers are all within walking or bus distance.

We go out on a family days once a month and have the rest as back up. I do my grocery shop on line as it stops be browsing and buying rubbish that we don't need and I also save £5+ as I only shop online when I can get hold of voucher codes, and so far I have always had them - thanks to this site of course.

I tell you what, although it can be hard and I can't just have things like I used to (when I was working we would have £1500 spare). At the end off the day we are together, having fun at home and going out for walks, baby groups etc which don't cost a penny. Seeing my little girls face is worth just living off £50 a month and I don't regret a bit of it as it is all so worth it.

Right corny stuff over - sorry for being slushy at the end there

roswell

If the morgage is the major outgoing and causing you the most stress .. sell the house and rent, your happieness will be worth more than going bankrupt after trying to keep up apearances

happyevs

roswell wrote:

If the morgage is the major outgoing and causing you the most stress .. sell the house and rent, your happieness will be worth more than going bankrupt after trying to keep up apearances

But at the end off the Day this struggle is going to sort itself out as every month that goes by the house is worth more in the open market,whereas if you rented your only paying someone elses mortgage for them .My thought is cut down on spending where you can and all you save on that there is no reason you cant have your Princess day you will be "Cinderella"and you will have all your family and your other halfs family there whether its a Marque with champagne and cucumber sandwiches or Cheese & Pickle ones down the local pub or club does it matter where your wed really.The main thing is your together i hope you Have a wonderfull time on your big day and i also see it very soon.I wish you all the best dont give up.Let us know when we can here the pitter patter off tiny feet.

angela110660

jasmin10 wrote:

I am in that situation. We had our baby in September 05 and I gave up work. I am lucky enough to be in a position where my partner has agreed that to me being a stay at home mum. Don't get me wrong it is hard, very hard. We made sure that whatever house we buy we could afford it on just one wage whether it be my partners or mine. We made sure that we didn't have any debts (i.e. no car loans, credit cards, overdrafts etc) and haven't for some years now except the mortgage.

Well done. When I first gave up work in the late 80s to have my children, it was a struggle. You have to accept that you will not have the same standard of living as you did before but the benefits of being with your little ones far outweighs any wants you may have.
Holidays - when we could afford them, became caravan breaks in the UK and it was only in the last ten years that we went to France - to a caravan!!
Being a SAHM does not mean you have to give up everything and I still went out to night school classes to keep up my education eg IT skills so that I could work at a later date.
When we decided I could work again I did part time work in shops or estate agents at weekends when hubby was around to look after the children and this worked well for everyone.
You will become very inventive about how to use your time and your resources wisely and I wish this site had been around for me all those years ago! Good luck for the future.

Chell

We have two toddlers and yes, financially it is a stuggle. Ebay is a great help, I tend to set myself a target eg at present I aim to get enough in my Paypal account to book a Cetre parcs break. Survey sites like Lightspeed, cashback/points sites like Quidco, Greasypalm, etc help to make a little extra too either for a treat or to save for Christmas.
Having kids leaves you skint but they are worth it!

Thefunkygibbons

Given that you are thinking long term, what are the possibilities on the job front

Ask the OH, how does he get the next job up in a 2-3 timeframe, training? mentoring at work? etc Get him to ask the question of the boss

If you think you might be at home with kids, is there anything that could be developed as a job that you could do from home, could you start to build a home business now?

Sometimes some lateral thinking goes a long way

tawnyowls

I do sympathise with you - I honestly don't know how people are going to manage in the future, with the average house expected to double to over £300,000 in the next 10 years; unless someone steps in and stops people having huge portfolios of properties and pricing individuals out of the market, no-one is going to be able to afford their own home. Congratulations on getting yours, and I agree with happyevs - you're much better doing that than renting, especially if you want something to pass onto your kids, and at least you've got a fixed mortgage so you know what's going out for the next 10 years.

In the meantime, though, thefunkygibbons is right - you need to have a look at your long-term future. You say you're disabled - as this covers a wide range, perhaps you could give us some more info to help us to suggest suitable avenues? Could you look at improving your IT skills? Very few jobs using computers are beyond a disabled person, and most computer courses (such as the European Computer Driver's Licence (ECDL) - stupid name!) are free. Such a job could also fit round the kids.

Also read through the Old Style board, look at all your utilities, maybe even post an SOA on the Debt Management board so that people can make suggestions on how you can cut back on your outgoings. When you become an SAHM (and don't put it off if you really want kids), you'll find out how little you really need to get by. Your kids won't need that extension for several years yet, and who knows how your finances will have changed by then? Your student loan will probably be paid off, for starters.

Don't feel you have to keep up with the Joneses - you don't need to buy expensive clothes, toys and holidays for the kids. They'll probably get clothes and toys as presents anyway, and there's always discount and second-hand shops (and some of the latter have got such good-quality stuff, your kids won't be bullied), and as for holidays, as has been said over and over, kids need love, not expensive holidays abroad; they'll be happy in a tent or on a beach.

Yes, it's very tempting to look at other people and compare their lives with yours (and it's not helped by the media constantly banging on about millionaire lifestyles), but you do have blessings, and concentrating on what you have got rather than what you haven't will make you much happier.

cupid_s

I am hoping to start a fimaily within the next two years or so. And we have discussed it at length and decided that there will be no option but for me to go back to work as soon as maternity pay runs out. I would love to stay home with them but we would have to move house to have one large enough for a family (our current house is teeny tiny). My husbands wage would only just cover the mortgage or the sort of house we're looking to buy (3 bed semi so nothing extravagant).

I think for a lot of people nowadays giving up work to have kids is just not even an option. Rent where we live is so high that we couldn't even pay that and live just off what Mr CS will earn. Also chances are in two years i'll be earning a bit more than him anyway.

Another thing regarding getting married. We did everything we wanted. I had my perfect dress, a 4 * hotel for a 3 course meal and then party reception after. A brilliant photographer, an absolutely beautiful church, nice rolls royce cars to take us there. We didn't really scrimp all that much yet still found it difficult to spend over £4000. And hubby has a big family. Everyone there said it was the most beautiful wedding they'd ever been to and we loved every minute of it. There's nothing I would have wanted to do differently.

You can do it cheaply and it doesn't even have to appear so.