How does anyone do it?

looneyleo

Hi Destined to be skint...

Believe me...you really are OK! All couples with young families are struggling and if they aren't...well they either have super high wages or are mega in debt and in denial!

Having had a big wedding (which I didn't get into debt for), 8 years on I look back and think I would definately do it differently now. Just a small civil ceremony with close family and friends...and then off on honeymoon! It is the getting married to your loved one that counts...not all the expensive bits on top that make the day.

if you want to have children, the wedding will have to come second by the sounds of it because babies need cots etc...you don't need to have the flash car and fancy reception etc

We have too small children and a big mortgage and we just about make it each month. It is a struggle, but I comfort myself in the fact that it will get easier as the years go by and I will be able to go back to work full time etc eventually. If you have a big family, they will be able to help you with the cost of babies anyway. you'll be surprised how much people spend on babies...I think with our first all we had to buy in the end was a wardrobe for the nursery...family bought everything else. People aren't so generous in helping with wedding costs though!

Good luck...try not to feel alone and down...lots of us are struggling through the same as you. looneyleo

Graham_Devon

chelltune wrote:

We have two toddlers and yes, financially it is a stuggle. Ebay is a great help, I tend to set myself a target eg at present I aim to get enough in my Paypal account to book a Cetre parcs break. Survey sites like Lightspeed, cashback/points sites like Quidco, Greasypalm, etc help to make a little extra too either for a treat or to save for Christmas.
Having kids leaves you skint but they are worth it!

Sorry to go a little off topic here, but if your saving the money in your paypal account, get it out and into somewhere more secure.

Plenty of reasons on the ebay board, NEVER leave money in paypal, very very risky.

Katgoddess

As long as you can afford the mortgage and the basic bills, don't worry about overpaying it. You've got 20 years to pay it off and once the kids are at school you can look at ways to earn more money then. Knocking a couple of extra years off your mortgage is not worth losing your sanity over!

Might I suggest you post a statement of affairs, maybe on the DFW board, (mortgage is a good debt!) so we can all have a look and see what you can cut down on. You probably can't see the wood for the trees at the moment. Fifty heads are better than one etc.

Babies. Not my area of expertise. :eek: But the MSE Pregnancy Club and Having a Baby Old Style thread are a good start. Not that I'm at all broody and lurk on these threads. :shhh: :A From my limited experience, all a baby needs is love. :heartpuls And maybe a saucepan to bang with a wooden spoon.

Take a good look at the oldstyle board where a lot of people spend around £40 per person a month on groceries. Maybe not possible for you, but something to aim for...?

Sign up to cashback sites like quidco, rpoints, and pigsback to get extra money and vouchers.

Destined_to_be_skint

Many, many thanks for all the lovely responses - I was half expecting some people to tell me that I was expecting too much and to stop whining! There are some very nice people on here! It certainly helps to hear that I am not alone and that others are in a similar situation.

To address some of the comments made:

I am profoundly deaf so my career options are really limited. Just about every single job involves being able to use the phone, and I even have problems when communicating in person - for example, sitting in on meetings is a total waste of time. I am wondering if I could do something like proof reading as I have checked over university thesis' in the past but this would probably require a degree in English or something. As for computers, I use one everyday at work, so it would be a case of finding something that I could do at home. ATM I am a book keeper, so I could do that from home for small local businesses.

OH has been asked by his MD if he wants his job eventually (which would be a truly enormous salary beyond our wildest dreams). It would also mean that I (and our future offspring!) would never get to see him - so what's the point? He also doesn't want the attendant stress (and I don't want to suffer by proxy either!) The good thing about his job is it gets an inflation indexed payrise each year.

The other thing we could do is move to a cheaper area when the time comes. ATM I use the tube to get to work, which is why we live in Greater London, but we did choose the house knowing that we could stay in it for a good few years, especially as we were concerned that the housing market might crash, so we do have enough space for one child, two at a push., so I guess it's not all bad!!

I've never felt the need to keep up with the Joneses as I am not a flashy kind of person but perhaps that doesn't come across in my original posting, especially as I say I would like to get married in style!

Re: the wedding, well this budget was worked out doing all the things suggested on the wedding thread - no car hire/fancy reception venue/photographer/videographer - it would be in a church hall with my partner's brother doing the catering cheaply and a booze cruise job. As I am creative and artistic I would: make mine and bridesmaid dresses, do the flowers, make all the invites, etc. so it wouldn't "look" cheap! But even with all this corner cutting the bill still tots up to £4000, not including rings or honeymoon. We live on the outskirts of London, so costs are bound to be a bit more expensive than the national average.

Cupid - I am assuming that you have parents to babysit for you while you go back to work? Otherwise, surely all your wages will go on childcare fees which are mega expensive? My father is a widower and lives a hundred miles away, and OH's parents are both very elderly, so no chance of free babysitting here!

cupid_s

Destined_to_be_skint wrote:

Cupid - I am assuming that you have parents to babysit for you while you go back to work? Otherwise, surely all your wages will go on childcare fees which are mega expensive? My father is a widower and lives a hundred miles away, and OH's parents are both very elderly, so no chance of free babysitting here!

At the moment my parents live quite far away (about 140 miles), as do my hubby's parents (incidentally my parents live less than a mile from hbbys parents so if we could move there we'd be sorted, as all are retired).
However I have friends here who have young kids of their own or are planning on starting a family soonish and will be stay at home moms/dads when we have youngsters. We have already spoken to these people who we would trust with our kids completely and they have said they'd look after them for not much money when they eventually come along.

Luckily I would be working somewhere which firstly pays ok, and secondly has a cheap creche for when they're slightly older so takes a bit of the worry out of it as well.

But there has to be people in the same situation as you who you could share childcare costs with. Maybe get a job-share and you look after all the kids half the time, they look after them the rest. If you speak to your friends you'd be surprised at how many of them worry about the same things and would want to do something like this.

tawnyowls

Destined_to_be_skint wrote:

I am profoundly deaf so my career options are really limited. Just about every single job involves being able to use the phone, and I even have problems when communicating in person - for example, sitting in on meetings is a total waste of time. I am wondering if I could do something like proof reading as I have checked over university thesis' in the past but this would probably require a degree in English or something. As for computers, I use one everyday at work, so it would be a case of finding something that I could do at home. ATM I am a book keeper, so I could do that from home for small local businesses.

You just need a bit of creative thinking. Don't think of your disability as a barrier - in these days of email and instant messaging, it is very possible to avoid using the phone; I barely need to use it these days, as practically all my communication is by email, and instant messaging gives almost the same immediacy as a phone call. Buisnesses are legally obliged to make every effort to integrate disabled people, so you may find your options aren't as limited as you think. Perhaps you could get in touch with the RNID and see if they would have any ideas on how this could be made easier? Proof-reading is a possibility, and doesn't require a degree in English, just very good English skills - this website looks useful (http://www.copyediting.co.uk/; links to other sites on there too) and there are some other ideas for homeworkinghere (http://www.findextrawork.co.uk/). Book-keeping is a very useful skill - as well as trying local businesses and setting up from home, have you thought about possibly seeing if you can do homeworking with your present company? With the new maternity laws, they're required to consider any requests from mothers for part-time working and I would have thought that BK could be done just as well from home as from an office.

comping_cat

Have you taken into account that when you have children, you would get child benefit, and depending on your families wages, maybe even child tax credits or working families tax credits?!!

Chell

Destined_to_be_skint wrote:

I am profoundly deaf so my career options are really limited. Just about every single job involves being able to use the phone, and I even have problems when communicating in person - for example, sitting in on meetings is a total waste of time. I am wondering if I could do something like proof reading as I have checked over university thesis' in the past but this would probably require a degree in English or something. As for computers, I use one everyday at work, so it would be a case of finding something that I could do at home. ATM I am a book keeper, so I could do that from home for small local businesses.be a bit more expensive than the national average.

There is support available, in this area there is an organisation called 'Access to work', I'm not sure if its national though. I know they support Deaf people. I am a CSW for the Deaf in a college. Perhaps if you contacted the Sensory Impairment Team within Social Services they would give you some local information. Good luck, Chell.

Chell

Are you entitled to DLA?

rjh090384

you said you are creative. how about bookeeping with dressmaking on the side? a lot of brides look for dressmakers etc to do their dresses for them.