Fallen out with my sister, she owes my husband money

natlie

Hi
I understand mental illness it makes people selfish (in my experience) yes it is annoying that she has done this but I think you need to forgive the act and look at other ways you can get this money back - sell what you can on eby - dress shoes etc, ask the hairdresser/hotel/make-up if you can get a credit note for the one place not used and that may save you the cost of a haircut etc

It stressful enough organising a wedding without making yourself stressed about £200

Nat

woody01

souwesterly wrote: »

£20 is a lot when you haven't got it - £200 is a fortune to some people.

She does not come across as being ignorant.
She comes across as being a young lady with a problem that she can't solve. She's lucky to have found a good man - her sister is obviously jealous (and possibly a bit warped)-What a stupid comment from a total stranger and things have got out of hand.

No - she isn't selfish. Would you honestly cancel a wedding just to help a relative? Yes if they were in trouble
She obviously involved her sister in the wedding but now her sister has cried off - and dropped her in it.

Not all families are made in heaven and even siblings fall out. My wife hasn't seen or spoken to her brother or son since they "did the dirty" on her father at her mother's funeral. How's that for an example of family togetherness? - So because your wife is a bit 'bent out shape', you can go on your little crusade giving out rubbish advice?

Jeannie - I can't help you, apart from offering my support. - Your observations aren't support. I can only suggest that you try the CAB who might be able to mediate for you.

And I can't see a satisfactory outcome here. Best to cut your losses - say "goodbye" to your sister and to get on with the rest of your life. - If you would cut a family member, WITH MENTAL PROBLEMS, out of your life then you are more of an idiot than i gave you credit for.

But, and I'm sorry to say this - get rid of her forever....otherwise she'll be coming back to disrupt your life time and time again.- OP...do yourself areally big favour and disregard this

That is some of the worst advice that i have read anywhere.
Try pulling your head out of your behind and get to the real world.

wendyphant

Just an out of te box thought - you said your sister is body dysmorphic do you think she is using this situation to hide te fact tat she is petrified of being part of all those wedding photos. I wonder if you said come to the wedding as a guest not in a dress that will bring her attention ie bridesmaid maybe you'll see all this disappear. I don't have a MH issue like this but i remember trying to pick a row with my BF over her wedding because I was so fat and although i wanted to be her bridesmaid I didn't want to be in photos. as with her she saw through my plan and she still made me be her bridesmaid but was only in a very few photos

whitewing

I haven't read all the posts.

My opinion (gleaned from years of dysfunctional family!) is that you make a decision to spend the money - even if it is based on what they say - and therefore if it doesn't work out, you stand the loss. If they then pay you back, that's fine; if not, you get over it and use the experience to modify future spends in similar situations.

I lent my family £4K last year - long story. I expect to get it back at some point, and remind them about it on occasions. I don't actually know if I will get it back, and I accepted at the time that I may not. I won't lend any more though, and probably wouldn't in the future even if I do get this back.

RobertoMoir

Jeannie686 wrote: »

Do I have a legal stance for trying to obtain the money back through the courts? I know it seems petty to do this but we are paying for the wedding ourselves, and I trusted my sister to do the honourable thing, and now she refuses.

Any legal advice please?

You won't get legal advice here, the majority of people here are legal laypersons and any solicitor who reads your post can't give you "legal advice" in a forum. I'd have thought you'd have known that, considering.

Even if there is a theoretical chance you could take this to court you need to be practical about this: You're chasing a £200 debt against someone on benefits. What will the cost be of chasing this through the courts? I don't just mean financial (though that is a consideration) as much as time, if you're otherwise busy getting married.

And if your sister is on benefits then does she actually have £200 sitting around to pay you with? A judgement saying that someone who has no money owes you money might make you feel cosy inside but it won't conjure up the money to pay you if it isn't there.

bouncydog1

Just write the money off and forget about it. Life is too short to worry about £200 and your sister has an illness. I do understand how you feel as I also have a sister who has had similar issues over many years. I have now made the choice to have as little to do with her as possible and my family are a whole lot happier.

I would help her if she was in trouble but over several years this sort of behaviour wears you down. And think about your poor parents if you add to their worries over £200. You might not be well off but you have a job, you are getting married and have your whole life ahead of you - what does your sister have?

Move on and don't let this issue ruin things - what if the other bridesmaids lost jobs, fell ill etc - would you be pursuing them all for money - it is your day - don't ruin it for yourself.

westiea

Sometimes you just have to decide that the future is more important than the past.

• So you lost a bridesmaid (the £200 is the bridesmaid - it is immaterial who she was, the money was for that), it is not necessary to have a bridesmaid to have a wonderful day with the man you love and the friends and family who have come to share your special day.
• You are a month from your wedding and you are fretting abour relationships which by your own account have never been great - chill, enjoy your plans and your day - may be the last wedding you ever have.
• Your sisters relationship with your parents is not your issue - they are capable (presumably) of making they're own choices.
• Friends come and go, family stay even if sometimes you wish they wouldn't! Allow your sister space - explain you are disappointed but understand that she has problems that only she can resolve - presumably her place at the table (which you intimated you had already paid for) will still be there on the day - tell her she is welcome as a guest - be magnanimous - only you are in a position to do this - your husband is just there for the ride in your relationship with your sister!

Jeannie686

Hi Everyone...

I am sorry, it honestly wasn't my intention to use this forum as part of a 'Jeremy Kyle Show' thing, I genuinely wanted to know if there was any point to any of this. I have looked at all your posts and have found them all incredibly helpful.

I also realise how I might have came off to everyone yesterday.... and I can't believe it myself actually. I'm not usually like this, and I think the stress of everything else is making me into someone horrible. I am partly hurt that my sister is being unfair as I genuinely feel like I have done nothing to warrant this, and I don't like my husband to feel caught in the middle. I have showed him all your posts and he agrees that we should just drop the whole thing, as neither my sister or I will benefit in the long run and we will be laughed out of court and told to grow up.

Thank you for your honest replies; it is good to be put in your place sometimes, and I didn't come on the forum to talk about anything other than money problems and whether I had a legal leg; I wouldn't even be talking about it if my sister had not threatened me with legal action or taking out an injunction against me, but that's by the by, this isn't going to be sorted out and I need to let it go.

Thanks to ALL OF YOU for your replies; I think I will let this get back to being the forum it really is supposed to be for now!

whitewing

In my early days on MSE I was so concerned with learning new stuff and exercising my 'rights' that sometimes I forgot how to be sensible with it and give people that I had an issue with some space to do the right thing.

However, it's a good forum. I'm just off to look at council tax rebanding.

Aspiration

I completely see where the poster is coming from, if i'm honest i read it as just emotions and sure she would never pursue it. £200 ... Put it down to bad experience and just move on, the other thing you can't buy is time, and i'm sure you haven't got enough when your trying to organise a wedding lol! Good luck with the wedding