Fallen out with my sister, she owes my husband money

Jeannie686

Hello All....

This is an incredibly complicated situation. I would really appreciate your advice as to where my husband and I stand on this.

My sister and I have had a temultuous relationship in recent years. We have never really got on but we have been trying to. I am getting married this month and I asked her to be my bridesmaid.

Now, my sister has been receiving treatment medically for an issue that I can only describe as a mental problem, as I don't have the lexicon to describe it any other way. She has been causing issues with the wedding and asking me to take her off being a bridesmaid, rather than deciding that herself. Anyway that is by the by; I said if she decided to quit then she would have to pay my husband back for anything we have paid for on her behalf; the dress, hair, makeup and hotel. I asked her one last time a few months ago as to whether she would pull out and she assured me she wouldn't.

My sister and I have since fallen out as she thinks that I have been talking about her behind her back. We both know our relationship is untenable, she was very angry with me for what I feel is no good reason and said she won't be at the wedding, and she doesn't want to see me again. She also said she will be seeking legal action against me for slander; as I work for a law firm I know she hasn't got a leg to stand on. However, I asked her to repay my husband the money that he has spent on her for the wedding; she refused. She is on disability benefit in that she says she cannot work, she is living at home with my parents who are themselves ill and tired and have to look after her (they don't work and through benefits she gets more money than they do).

I think it is incredibly unfair that my husband has lost around 200 pounds when my sister assured me she would pay the money back if anything happened. I no longer have a relationship with my sister but the last thing either my husband or I need is to have a lack of funds t the wedding when she is being horrible and refusing to pay us the money.

Do I have a legal stance for trying to obtain the money back through the courts? I know it seems petty to do this but we are paying for the wedding ourselves, and I trusted my sister to do the honourable thing, and now she refuses.

Any legal advice please?

Thanks.

mabski

Jeannie686 wrote: »

Hello All....

This is an incredibly complicated situation. I would really appreciate your advice as to where my husband and I stand on this.

My sister and I have had a temultuous relationship in recent years. We have never really got on but we have been trying to. I am getting married this month and I asked her to be my bridesmaid.

Now, my sister has been receiving treatment medically for an issue that I can only describe as a mental problem, as I don't have the lexicon to describe it any other way. She has been causing issues with the wedding and asking me to take her off being a bridesmaid, rather than deciding that herself. Anyway that is by the by; I said if she decided to quit then she would have to pay my husband back for anything we have paid for on her behalf; the dress, hair, makeup and hotel. I asked her one last time a few months ago as to whether she would pull out and she assured me she wouldn't.

My sister and I have since fallen out as she thinks that I have been talking about her behind her back. We both know our relationship is untenable, she was very angry with me for what I feel is no good reason and said she won't be at the wedding, and she doesn't want to see me again. She also said she will be seeking legal action against me for slander; as I work for a law firm I know she hasn't got a leg to stand on. However, I asked her to repay my husband the money that he has spent on her for the wedding; she refused. She is on disability benefit in that she says she cannot work, she is living at home with my parents who are themselves ill and tired and have to look after her (they don't work and through benefits she gets more money than they do).

I think it is incredibly unfair that my husband has lost around 200 pounds when my sister assured me she would pay the money back if anything happened. I no longer have a relationship with my sister but the last thing either my husband or I need is to have a lack of funds t the wedding when she is being horrible and refusing to pay us the money.

Do I have a legal stance for trying to obtain the money back through the courts? I know it seems petty to do this but we are paying for the wedding ourselves, and I trusted my sister to do the honourable thing, and now she refuses.

Any legal advice please?

Thanks.

i dont have any legal advice for you but why do you need it when you work for a law firm?
you have not said what mental illness your sister is suffering from but anyone with this type of illness needs understanding not harassing for a measly sum of £200 .
get over it and just concentrate on enjoying your wedding day
nothing good will come of pursuing this further
but thats just my opinion

dmg24

Jeannie686 wrote: »

Hello All....

This is an incredibly complicated situation. I would really appreciate your advice as to where my husband and I stand on this.

My sister and I have had a temultuous relationship in recent years. We have never really got on but we have been trying to. I am getting married this month and I asked her to be my bridesmaid.

Now, my sister has been receiving treatment medically for an issue that I can only describe as a mental problem, as I don't have the lexicon to describe it any other way. She has been causing issues with the wedding and asking me to take her off being a bridesmaid, rather than deciding that herself. Anyway that is by the by; I said if she decided to quit then she would have to pay my husband back for anything we have paid for on her behalf; the dress, hair, makeup and hotel. I asked her one last time a few months ago as to whether she would pull out and she assured me she wouldn't.

My sister and I have since fallen out as she thinks that I have been talking about her behind her back. We both know our relationship is untenable, she was very angry with me for what I feel is no good reason and said she won't be at the wedding, and she doesn't want to see me again. She also said she will be seeking legal action against me for slander; as I work for a law firm I know she hasn't got a leg to stand on. However, I asked her to repay my husband the money that he has spent on her for the wedding; she refused. She is on disability benefit in that she says she cannot work, she is living at home with my parents who are themselves ill and tired and have to look after her (they don't work and through benefits she gets more money than they do).

I think it is incredibly unfair that my husband has lost around 200 pounds when my sister assured me she would pay the money back if anything happened. I no longer have a relationship with my sister but the last thing either my husband or I need is to have a lack of funds t the wedding when she is being horrible and refusing to pay us the money.

Do I have a legal stance for trying to obtain the money back through the courts? I know it seems petty to do this but we are paying for the wedding ourselves, and I trusted my sister to do the honourable thing, and now she refuses.

Any legal advice please?

Thanks.

My advice would be to learn more about your sisters 'mental problem', and see what you can do to help her get better.

You come across as very ignorant - would you be acting like this if your sister had a serious physical illness?

Jeannie686

I understand your opinion, thank you for posting. I work for a law firm but on the information side; I am not a lawyer.

If my partner and I could afford it I would not be chasing this money from her, believe me. There is more to this that I don't think would be fair to my sister if I posted on a forum. It is more the principle of it, as she agreed with me that she would pay us the money back should she back out and we acted in good faith.

If it turns out to be viewed as a petty squabble and impacts on my health and our happiness then I will willingly drop the matter. I just wanted to know what my position was if any. And believe me, I have tried to be more than understanding about this as I have a mental illness myself.

dmg24

Jeannie686 wrote: »

I understand your opinion, thank you for posting. I work for a law firm but on the information side; I am not a lawyer.

If my partner and I could afford it I would not be chasing this money from her, believe me. There is more to this that I don't think would be fair to my sister if I posted on a forum. It is more the principle of it, as she agreed with me that she would pay us the money back should she back out and we acted in good faith.

If it turns out to be viewed as a petty squabble and impacts on my health and our happiness then I will willingly drop the matter. I just wanted to know what my position was if any. And believe me, I have tried to be more than understanding about this as I have a mental illness myself.

If you cannot afford to get married, why are you?

You will drop the matter if it impacts on your health and your happiness, but have no regard as to what it could be doing to your sister?

Can you see how selfish you sound?

Blackpool_Saver

I think you want us to say pursue her for the money, I can't do that sorry.
I would give anything to have a sister, and a fiance.
Think yourself lucky and move on.

Blackpool_Saver

Anyone can afford to get married, some can't afford all the bells and whistles.
I am very familiar with having a relative with mental illness by the way.

Jeannie686

Actually, yes, I can see how it sounds. I don't mean it to come across that way.

Maybe I am reacting in anger. She has decided to cut off all contact with me and said she will threaten me with action legally when I haven't done anything wrong, I just feel like my husband has been so patient and he is putting all his savings into this wedding because I can't afford it, and my sister assured me she would pay me back. I don't mean to sound horrible I just feel a bit cheated and hurt.

dmg24

Jeannie686 wrote: »

Actually, yes, I can see how it sounds. I don't mean it to come across that way.

Maybe I am reacting in anger. She has decided to cut off all contact with me and said she will threaten me with action legally when I haven't done anything wrong, I just feel like my husband has been so patient and he is putting all his savings into this wedding because I can't afford it, and my sister assured me she would pay me back. I don't mean to sound horrible I just feel a bit cheated and hurt.

What MH condition does she have? What you are describing sounds typical of many conditions. All you are doing is making things worse.

Jeannie686

I don't mean to, that's the point. Everything I do is wrong. It doesn't help that I have diagnosed bipolar either I guess. She has something called Body Dysmorphia, this all started because at my hen night some friends wanted to take pictures and it freaked her out as she can't be in them, so I tried to explain what was wrong. I thought it would help people understand and it did but she took it as me talking about her and making her sound crazy, I didn't mean that at all I thought I was helping. So she thinks I have betrayed her and it upset me and her on my hen night. I don't know.... I shouldn't go after the money I guess but it is the principle of it. I don't mean to be vicious, she has cut off all contact and has refused to pay the money and seems to want to take legal action for slander.... I'm just confused I'm sorry to bother anyone.

Blackpool_Saver

dmg24 wrote: »

What MH condition does she have? What you are describing sounds typical of many conditions. All you are doing is making things worse.

Actually what mental health conditions do both of you have?

I hope you can resolve all this, life is so short.