Some ideas please

purpleheather2810

bargainbetty wrote: »

How about reaching a compromisde with him? Set up a shared account, that requires BOTH of your signatures to access. Each month, you put a set amount into it to cover the bills in joint names.

I'm not sure that setting up a joint account with this man is a good idea. I think you should try (as you are doing) to take control of your own money and your own debts. He might not like this - he sounds like a very controlling man - but it is YOUR money that you have earnt and nobody, not even your husband, has the right to demand it from you!

GeorgeUK

freewayz, when was the last time you applied for credit?
If you have not done so within the last 6 months then i think trying to get a 0% credit card would be a good idea - just don't apply to more than 2 places.

This will allow you to pay the debt off quicker as you will not be paying any interest for about a year if you can get the balance transferred.

I think this is your best option right now. Failing that then you should pay the minimum on both cards and throw anything left at the card with the highest APR.

freewayz

I have my own account which I then transfer money into his which he uses to pay rent,heating electric etc.
He has tried on many occasions to get me to put my wages into a joint account..but after taking the money he did without telling me...I flatly refuse. My wages go into my own account and then I transfer what is needed into his. This way I know he can't take any more than I want him to have.

Trollfever

plus to investigate this Del Boy Trotter attitude of his.

Walter Mitty also springs to mind.



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tallyhoh

Reading what you have said about hubby makes me believe he is very manipulative. Quite frankly he seems to have more problems than money ones.

What on earth is "says If I leave him and he hits it big I'll be sorry and if I stick with it God will give him his windfall he's looking for etc etc.." that sounds absolute crazy talk.

I honestly think that God doesnt hand out financial windfalls, especially to those who are able to earn a living & already have a fairly comfortable life. I would be very disappointed if he did when there are so many starving & homeless people in the world.

As you had a house etc, has your hubby always been like this or did his habits change? Is he suffering from a depressive illness? I am asking because his behaviour sounds quite bizarre to me & believe me I know the signs.

I feel you need to start protecting your own interests. Dont feed his weird fantasies by giving him cash & opening accounts for him. Close any jont accounts you have with him as soon as possible & retain as much money as you can (preferbly kept secret).

Good Luck

bouncydog1

Have I read this correctly - you had £180k left from your house sale, which has "disappeared" because of the way your husband has tried to invest it?

Sorry this may seem harsh but this man is going to drag you down into the debt mire with him. You need to take control of your own money and do not let him manipulate you.

I know that this is probably easier said than done but you must seek some sort of help now otherwise you are going to end up being pursued by creditors, particularly if you are allowing him to "persuade" you to take out credit in your name. What if he gets you to take out loans that you can't service so he can "invest" the money - it is you that are going to end up with the hassle of creditors pursuing you.

Sorry if you don't want to hear this, but the majority of people would have stopped him in his tracks after the first scheme went pear-shaped.

He reminds me of a lady who went to purchase a house some years ago - the estate agent drew up all contracts etc and on the day of purchase the money hadn't been paid to enable the sale to complete. On being contacted by the agent to ask when the money would arrive, the lady said "god will provide"!

tallyhoh

bouncyd!!! wrote: »

He reminds me of a lady who went to purchase a house some years ago - the estate agent drew up all contracts etc and on the day of purchase the money hadn't been paid to enable the sale to complete. On being contacted by the agent to ask when the money would arrive, the lady said "god will provide"!

I regret that this about sums it up. No disrepect to any religeous view but I dont think hubby should be asking God for cash. Health or world peace are better options.

Have you sent off for a copy of your credit report? you can get a postal one for £2. Just to check there's no nasty surprises.

gonzo127

i am sorry this might sound harsh and i realise i could be wrong, HOWEVER i feel i must say this and not just skirt around it like others have been doing.

from reading you posts it sounds very much like you are in abusive relationship, ok so it is not physical abuse, however it is a far worse abuse you are getting which is mental abuse. i really feel you need to consider your options in your relationship as well as your finances, since having worked in a mental health hospital i have seen the consiquences of people who have stayed in a mentally abusive relationship and no one deserves it.

also i do wonder about the quote "says If I leave him and he hits it big I'll be sorry and if I stick with it God will give him his windfall he's looking for etc etc.." it seems to me that god has already given him his windfall with the sale of the house - £300,000 which he has just wasted! if god gave him any more money what do you htink he would do with it? spend it all on further get rich quick schemes would be what i would bet on! and i think it would be a pretty sound bet from reading above

as to not being good with figures so not being able to budget, is this you talking or him? as to me it sounds like him, learning to budget might be difficult to start off with and i really do admire you for starting to look into getting knowledgeable with your finances, and if you really want ot do it i would suggest you write up a initial SOA (statement of affairs) http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html is the link to use, once you have done it if you can post it up on this thread we will be able to go through it with you and suggest areas you might need to budget more and areas which seem a bit over over the top, once you have got this starting point we can then help you get your head around the practicalities of how to budget in real life

anyways good luck and i am sorry if i have upset you with any comments above, i really do wish you the best with everything its justr a few of the comments above worry me

the_cat

Have you considered that your OH might be suffering from a gambling addiction? You have mentioned 'the horses' but also all of these 'get rich quick' schemes have quite a gambling edge to them.

He is not financially astute enough to be in control of the money either way but FWIW I'm afraid I agree with gonzo that you are being maniputaled and mentally abused in this relationship.

purpleheather2810

gonzo127 wrote: »

i am sorry this might sound harsh and i realise i could be wrong, HOWEVER i feel i must say this and not just skirt around it like others have been doing.

from reading you posts it sounds very much like you are in abusive relationship, ok so it is not physical abuse, however it is a far worse abuse you are getting which is mental abuse. i really feel you need to consider your options in your relationship as well as your finances, since having worked in a mental health hospital i have seen the consiquences of people who have stayed in a mentally abusive relationship and no one deserves it.

also i do wonder about the quote "says If I leave him and he hits it big I'll be sorry and if I stick with it God will give him his windfall he's looking for etc etc.." it seems to me that god has already given him his windfall with the sale of the house - £300,000 which he has just wasted! if god gave him any more money what do you htink he would do with it? spend it all on further get rich quick schemes would be what i would bet on! and i think it would be a pretty sound bet from reading above.....

Thanks for putting into words what a lot of us are thinking. Witholding/controlling finances IS a form of abuse.