Keeping it all and wanting everything as well

Fran

He has *a right* to live in his own home. I would suggest he goes back to live there. If he reads this information on the Shelter website he will see she can't just ask him to leave, there is a legal process.

Going through the family courts is a nightmare and can take months/years to sort out. Even if he ends up with a contact arrangement she can make it difficult for him by not turning up or not being there, changing arrangements etc. They will want to know that mediation has taken place too, you could suggest that to him too.

However difficult it is, he will gain the most by living in his home and sorting it out from there. He has to seek advice though and not be put off by thinking he won't be able to see the kids if he doesn't go along with her - that will probably happen in any case by the description you have given.

metalgal

i worked in a solicitors that dealt with family matters. This happens far to often. He needs to see a solicitor and fight for his rights. (it may take years to get everything sorted out but there are things that can be done fairly quickly. He is not her own personal ATM and the kids are NOT her pawns to be used against her ex. If anything is in his name like the car its his and if she keeps it its theft.

Women like this are scum and give other women a bad name. I personally feel that as she was the one who ended the relationship then everything should go to him if shes going to act like a spoilt child.

lovetowinacar

Fran wrote: »

He has *a right* to live in his own home. I would suggest he goes back to live there. If he reads this information on the Shelter website he will see she can't just ask him to leave, there is a legal process.

Going through the family courts is a nightmare and can take months/years to sort out. Even if he ends up with a contact arrangement she can make it difficult for him by not turning up or not being there, changing arrangements etc. They will want to know that mediation has taken place too, you could suggest that to him too.

However difficult it is, he will gain the most by living in his home and sorting it out from there. He has to seek advice though and not be put off by thinking he won't be able to see the kids if he doesn't go along with her - that will probably happen in any case by the description you have given.

Thanks for this but she first told him to sleep in youngest childs room - then she said it was distrubing his sleep and he would have to leave and had packed his clothes ready - he has already been out of his home for about 6 weeks now. She started off with needed space to clear head and the space continues and now she will not let him move back in - he has a key still but she very much talks about her home - whenever he challenges anything she wants -its well you won't see the children then - its like the children are her trump card and she is quite prepared to use them. The older one was sobbing the last time he left and it broke his heart but she doesn't seem to care

TheBottomLine_2

Surely she can't just stop him seeing the kids?!?! I reckon he should move back in and tell her if she wants a divorce then she should get cracking with one and he won't fight it. He should however fight for what is rightfully his and to be able to have a big input into his kids' lives and be the father he wants to be.

Try to reassure him that she cannot take his children away - she's being incredibly unreasonable.

bunny999

I think your brother really needs to stand up to her and not let her walk all over him. He has more power than he seems to be aware of. However, you should remember you've only heard one side of the story and there may have been things going on in their marriage that you know nothing about.

Breast_Cancer_Survivor

Maybe your brother should move back in to his own house, tell his wife that she should move out & that he will keep the house. kids, car etc as that only seems fair to me.

It sounds like she is the one that wants to live the student lifestyle, young, free & single afterall.

AnxiousMum

Get your brother to stand up to this witch, and get back into his own home. I'm sure the kids would rather have to share a bedroom and let Dad be in the home rather than have all this going on around them. He should not just walk out of the family home - he has rights too, but more importantly, the kids have rights and one of those is to have a relationship with both parents. She seems to be sounding like the kind of PWC that gives all of us a really bad name using the kids as trump cards.

Tell him to get his a*se back into the house, and tell her to file for divorce as suggested above. And then, get a lawyer!

Emmamumof2

I feel so sorry for the kids here, she is obviously just using them to play him and get her own way and he is trying to do the right thing by his kids by trying not to unsettle them. I definitely think he should move back and tell her to move out if she isnt happy with him being there. How awful for him and the kids....she is certainly one of those women who is blatantly not concerned about giving the rest of us a bad name!

Voyager2002

First and most important, he absolutely must see a solicitor. No need to tell her that he is doing so, but the law has a great deal to say about this situation, and he needs to know what it is that the law says.

He should discuss with his solicitor what he would like to happen now, and how that can be achieved. He should consider whether the children would be better off living with HIM! That way he would keep the family, the house, and perhaps even the car, while she would be free to enjoy the life that she wants. Of course, in order to convince a court that this outcome would be the best, a lot of evidence would have to be gathered, and it is never too soon to start collecting the evidence.

System

I second everything others have said.

Get him down to a solicitor now and get him to move back in.
He does not have to give up everything until the children are 18 just to suit her. He is entitled to a life of his own with access to his children and if she has decided the marriage is over then she has to make just as many sacrifices, homewise, as he has. Many marriages end and the couples have to sell their property to finance a new home each.

As an example when my brother and his wife separated the house was split 60/40 for my sister-in-law. She got more because the kids stayed with her. She bought my brother out but in your BIL's case the equity after the sale could be split along similar lines. But he does need a solicitor to sort this out. If he moves back in he will have continuing contact with his kids and she will be forced to accept that she can't just dictate terms.