Keeping it all and wanting everything as well

lovetowinacar

Can anyone help please -

My sister in law has told her husband that she doesn't love him anymore and could he move out - she is a student and will be for the next 3 years and does not work - they have 2 children - she has informed him that she will keep the children, the house, the car and everything in the house and he must move out straightaway, he thinks she has met someone at college (but irrelevant) the kids are crying

He has found a friends floor to sleep on she had raided the bank account and tells him if he doesnot go along with what she says he will never see the children - then turns around and says I'm out sat night I need you to babaysit (no problem he wants to) but so one sided

and can women really just do this? I appreciate people split for all sorts of reasons but is it really this easy for her to do exactly what she wants?

karenx

If she keeps everything how will she pay mortgage etc? How old are the children? Could be she will have to claim JSA and seek work.
If ex is paying the mortgage how will he afford that plus a place to stay himself plus 25% of his take home pay in maintenance to her?

She can do whatever she wants, whether in reality it will actually work out that way is a different story!

Quiet_Life

Tell him to contact a solicitor immediately

dmg24

How old are the children? What level course is she doing?

Fran

Quiet_Life wrote: »

Tell him to contact a solicitor immediately

Citizens Advice is free.

He has a right to live in his home (assuming he is joint owner or on a joint tenancy), he should check this with Shelter (who can give him local housing info too) and Citizens Advice if he doesn't get all info he needs from them.

lovetowinacar

karenx wrote: »

If she keeps everything how will she pay mortgage etc? How old are the children? Could be she will have to claim JSA and seek work.
If ex is paying the mortgage how will he afford that plus a place to stay himself plus 25% of his take home pay in maintenance to her?

She can do whatever she wants, whether in reality it will actually work out that way is a different story!

She has told him since he works he will have to pay the mortgage until benefits take over the interest part and then he can pay for the endowment - she has really looked at this and how she can get as much as possible..

Children are 3 and 6 and didn't want him to leave - he is paying friend £50 a week for lodge in spare bedroom and cannot afford deposit or rent elsewhere - trouble is he is really worried about his children and will do anything to keep them settled and naturally happy to look after them whenever she wants to go out (Fri and Sat nights currently) he then has to leave when she comes home and go off to friends to lodge she has said that because they are young he has no choice and no one can make her work etc and wants to be a student

lovetowinacar

dmg24 wrote: »

How old are the children? What level course is she doing?

Children 3 and 6 she is in the middle of an access to higher education course and then says she wants to do an early years degree which will take a further 3 years - seems to love the student life and the nights out but not willing to pay for it

I have told him to go to CAB or a solicitor she has said if he does she will find another babysitter and she will stop him seeing the kids - trouble is he is really devastated and is just doing whatever she says

FatVonD

I do sympathise with your brother but feel it's inevitable that he's going to be liable for paying a hefty chunk of the mortgage for the forseeable future.

He really needs to see a solicitor (both to sort out finances and to get regular access to the children on a legal footing which she will have to abide by) but my advice would be to make sure he remains a joint owner and that she has to sell the house and give him his share when the children turn 18 and that he doesn't just sign it over to her.

I wish him luck!

dmg24

Benefits wise, she will get a pretty good deal. She will be entitled to IS until the youngest is seven, though any student finance will be deducted from that. She will also get CTB, CTC, CB, help with mortgage interest etc.

I agree, I would be instructing a solicitor. CAB can give advice, but he needs to make some decisions and take formal action - he really needs a sol to do this.

FatVonD

lovetowinacar wrote: »

I have told him to go to CAB or a solicitor she has said if he does she will find another babysitter and she will stop him seeing the kids - trouble is he is really devastated and is just doing whatever she says

All the more reason for him to see a solicitor and quick, she sounds unreasonable and she's not likely to get any better!

I used to live next door to a divorce/family lawyer and her advice in these situations was to make sure that the children know that you WANT to see them even if access is being denied.

Realistically, she may be making these threats but without any money the time will soon come when she wants to go out and she'll have no choice but to call on him to babysit (I'm sure favours will soon run dry when friends realise it's not just the once she wants them to babysit for free!

lovetowinacar

dmg24 wrote: »

Benefits wise, she will get a pretty good deal. She will be entitled to IS until the youngest is seven, though any student finance will be deducted from that. She will also get CTB, CTC, CB, help with mortgage interest etc.

I agree, I would be instructing a solicitor. CAB can give advice, but he needs to make some decisions and take formal action - he really needs a sol to do this.

It does seem sad that he has thrown all his energy and money into building a family home and she suddenly decided to take everything from him for no apparent reason than she has possibly met someone else and the benefits system make it easy for her to do so!! No wonder some men get bitter when everything they have ever worked for gets taken from them so easily - she has seen CAB and been told she has the right to live in the family home until their youngest leaves full time education - meanwhile he is left to pick up the pieces, try to do the best by his kids and pay for it all and wehn he feels better start from scratch again

These type of women give the majority a bad name - I can see where fathers for justice started didn't really understand them before - the sad thing is the children miss him and they are suffering but currently she really doesnt seem to care and said that lots of kids just live with their mothers nowadays

I will pass advice on and hope he comes through this with his head held high