Divorced surname help

djdido2

My OH has just recently divorced. The ex had decided she is keeping his surname. When we get married I will then have the same name as her. Might sound petty but I don't want that. So will probably keep my maiden name when I get married.

elvis86

djdido2 wrote: »

My OH has just recently divorced. The ex had decided she is keeping his surname. When we get married I will then have the same name as her. Might sound petty but I don't want that. So will probably keep my maiden name when I get married.

It is a bit petty really. I wouldn't let her have any influence whatsoever. If I wanted to take his name, I would. After all, you would have the name because he loves and has committed to you, you would be the "legitimate" Mrs X, she'd just be the sad ex-wife who hasn't moved on..:D

*Louise*

SugarSpun wrote: »

Now there's no such etiquette requirement because women are generally no longer referred to by their husbands' entire names.

...apart from every christmas card I get from family!!:rotfl:

I don't like it tbh....I said to my dad (who addressed their envelopes) that I took my husband's surname, not his flipping first name and I didn't gibve a monkeys about the correct 'etiquette'

OP - it must be frustrating for hubby, but at the end of the day he is just going to have to grin and bear it. Anyone who knows him/you is going to know that she isn't connected any more.

Gloomendoom

My ex kept my surname. She said she preferred it to her old one!

It can get a bit confusing, especially when the current Mrs Gloomendoom (yes, she wasn't bothered about adopting my name) answers a phone call from someone expecting to speak to the previous Mrs Gloomendoom.

Luckily, it doesn't happen very often.

[Deleted User]

SugarSpun wrote: »

Traditionally, a married woman or a widow (let's say her name's Beatrice and she's married to James Jones) would be known as Mrs James Jones, but the ex-wife of the same James Jones would be known as Mrs Beatrice Jones.

Now there's no such etiquette requirement because women are generally no longer referred to by their husbands' entire names.

I get letters addressed to me like this all the time from my OH family and I HATE IT. It is no longer relevant as I am a woman in my won right and not just someones wife.

Pink_Princess_1

I kept my married name when I divorced 13years ago simply because it was DD1's surname. Ex OH is now remarried with a child but I don't believe they would give a second thought that I still have his name. I now have another child who has Oh's surname and when we get married I will take his name - DD1 is 16 now and couldnt care less who has what surname

ETA wouldnt really mind being referred to as 'practise wife' after all I was practising on him too:)

msb5262

elvis86 wrote: »

It is a bit petty really. I wouldn't let her have any influence whatsoever. If I wanted to take his name, I would. After all, you would have the name because he loves and has committed to you, you would be the "legitimate" Mrs X, she'd just be the sad ex-wife who hasn't moved on..:D

I think it's extremely petty to refer to your OH's ex as the sad ex-wife who hasn't moved on..simply because she has kept the name she took on marriage.

Yes, it's true that you would have the name because he loves and has committed to you - but how do you think she came to take this name in the first place? Because he loved and had committed to her, presumably!

As an ex-wife, I certainly don't see myself as "sad" and "not having moved on" because I have continued to use my married name.
Actually the reason for this was that I have also continued to be the resident parent, mum of three children who also bear this name, and for practical reasons it was much easier to carry on using it.

In addition, during a 13 year marriage I worked using my married name - I had no wish to start again literally making a name for myself.

I'm afraid my attitude is that my (married) name is my own now.

I've earned it.

MsB