Divorced surname help

peachyprice

elvis86 wrote: »

You misuderstand, I was implying that your current partner (I'm assuming he's the father of your new baby) might not be too impressed if you decided to give the baby your ex's surname! Lol.

My ex MIL did just that, all 3 of her children had the surname of her first husband, her reason being that it was more important her children all felt equal than the feelings of her partners.

lolly1981

I am known by my maiden name now..as soon as i got my decree absolute everything was chnaged.

but i am now in a sticky situation regarding my son...we have 3 names in this house too..mine, ds1 has exs surname, and oh and ds2 share same name.

my ex husband has changed his name..to something completly differnet to my sons...he has nothing to do with my son hasnt for 3 years (his choice not mine) my son now calls my OH daddy even tho he is aware that he isnt the one who 'made' him so to speak. but of course as ex has parental responsibility i have to get his permission to change DS1 surnam...it liek DS1 doesnt belong to anyone if that makes sense..he doesnt share mine and he definatly doesnt share his fathers...he actually wants my OH name....my ex has said DS1 can change it to my surname but not OH. for him it is just a power trip..he wont tlet DS1 because he thinks it gets at me...in fact its just going to make a little boy very confused.

and yes i know its only a name!!

lizzielondon

SugarSpun wrote: »

My husband's practice wife

i'm sure i'm being thick or something but i don't actually understand what this means?

lolly1981

it means the first wife...liek their marriage wasnt real just something to try it out before the real thing comes along.

hermanmunster_3

Why don't they all just have a huge long hyphenated stream of names (like all the kids I seem to see these days!)

elvis86

peachyprice wrote: »

My ex MIL did just that, all 3 of her children had the surname of her first husband, her reason being that it was more important her children all felt equal than the feelings of her partners.

Personally I don't think I agree with that, and as her subsequent partner(s) I wouldn't be happy with my children taking the name of her previous husband. But its personal choice I guess.:)

Shelldean

lolly1981 wrote: »

I am known by my maiden name now..as soon as i got my decree absolute everything was chnaged.

but i am now in a sticky situation regarding my son...we have 3 names in this house too..mine, ds1 has exs surname, and oh and ds2 share same name.

my ex husband has changed his name..to something completly differnet to my sons...he has nothing to do with my son hasnt for 3 years (his choice not mine) my son now calls my OH daddy even tho he is aware that he isnt the one who 'made' him so to speak. but of course as ex has parental responsibility i have to get his permission to change DS1 surnam...it liek DS1 doesnt belong to anyone if that makes sense..he doesnt share mine and he definatly doesnt share his fathers...he actually wants my OH name....my ex has said DS1 can change it to my surname but not OH. for him it is just a power trip..he wont tlet DS1 because he thinks it gets at me...in fact its just going to make a little boy very confused.

and yes i know its only a name!!

Similar story ... Got married 1991 had DD in 1992, due to violence left early 1993 when DD was 4 mths. DD obviously had ex surname. I moved back home. Then in 1994 got my own place and we moved out. Then in 1995 found out I was pregnant. I decided I didn't want my kids having loads of differing surnames. OH refused to let any child of his have ex's surname and when I asked Ex he said his DD ( who he has jack to do with) was having OH surname. Then I find out it's twins:eek: I was adament all my kids would have same name, So i even consulted a solicitor about changing DD surname to OH. Solicitor advised against it as if it went to court judge could decided either way, in sol's own words depends whoch side of bed they get out off that morning!!! Sol said it was becuase OH and I wasn't married and in theory our relationship could fail at any time ( and a marriage can't?)
So was back to drawing board. My solutions was to put everyone in my maiden name. OH agreed and so did Ex. BUT twins came a mth early so their notes that went on their cribs in SCBU said Baby EX, OH wasn't happy. I did change it asap. Boys were registered in my my maiden name and DD and I both changed our surnames by deed poll mth later. Third Son was born in 1998 he was also registered in my maiden name. So myself and the kids all had one surname while OH had his.

Then in 2002 OH and I finally married about being together 9 yrs!!! Once married we re-registered all three boys births into his surname. As by marring we'd legitimised their births ( registrars words not mine) We then approached EX and once again asked his permission to change DD, so she had the same name as her brothers and myself. Was ready to fight this time, but he agreed :dance: so now all six of us have the same surname.

Only problem is when DD has to prove who she is, we have to take a ton of paperwork to prove it LOL

elvis86

Shelldean wrote: »

Similar story ... Got married 1991 had DD in 1992, due to violence left early 1993 when DD was 4 mths. DD obviously had ex surname. I moved back home. Then in 1994 got my own place and we moved out. Then in 1995 found out I was pregnant. I decided I didn't want my kids having loads of differing surnames. OH refused to let any child of his have ex's surname and when I asked Ex he said his DD ( who he has jack to do with) was having OH surname. Then I find out it's twins:eek: I was adament all my kids would have same name, So i even consulted a solicitor about changing DD surname to OH. Solicitor advised against it as if it went to court judge could decided either way, in sol's own words depends whoch side of bed they get out off that morning!!! Sol said it was becuase OH and I wasn't married and in theory our relationship could fail at any time ( and a marriage can't?)
So was back to drawing board. My solutions was to put everyone in my maiden name. OH agreed and so did Ex. BUT twins came a mth early so their notes that went on their cribs in SCBU said Baby EX, OH wasn't happy. I did change it asap. Boys were registered in my my maiden name and DD and I both changed our surnames by deed poll mth later. Third Son was born in 1998 he was also registered in my maiden name. So myself and the kids all had one surname while OH had his.

Then in 2002 OH and I finally married about being together 9 yrs!!! Once married we re-registered all three boys births into his surname. As by marring we'd legitimised their births ( registrars words not mine) We then approached EX and once again asked his permission to change DD, so she had the same name as her brothers and myself. Was ready to fight this time, but he agreed :dance: so now all six of us have the same surname.

Only problem is when DD has to prove who she is, we have to take a ton of paperwork to prove it LOL

My god! Sounds like a right 'mare!:eek:

I presume you're confident that the effort (and expense?) of all this was worth it? That any trouble your daughter has with proving her identity are preferable to her retaining her father's name?

SugarSpun

kandyfloss wrote: »

As ar as I know,even if you are divorced you are still known as Mrs xxxxx until you change your name back to your maiden name {surname of your birth parents}.When me and my ex got divorced in 1979 I thought you automatically reverted back to your maiden name,but found out that it only changes if you do it by deed poll or in my case you remarry{30 years this year:)}Not too sure what the rules are these days though.

Traditionally, a married woman or a widow (let's say her name's Beatrice and she's married to James Jones) would be known as Mrs James Jones, but the ex-wife of the same James Jones would be known as Mrs Beatrice Jones.

Now there's no such etiquette requirement because women are generally no longer referred to by their husbands' entire names.

Shelldean

elvis86 wrote: »

My god! Sounds like a right 'mare!:eek:

I presume you're confident that the effort (and expense?) of all this was worth it? That any trouble your daughter has with proving her identity are preferable to her retaining her father's name?

Wasn't as bad as it sounds actually just a bit long winded. Wasn't expensive was deed polled both times - mimimum expense. The orginal visit with solicitor was via the half hour free scheme. And I felt any expense was worth it to ensure my DD wasn't left out within the family she lives with on a daily basis.
As to her retaining her birth fathers name, mmmmm I won't go into details but I left him due to violence, and personally if he never featured in our lifes ever again it would be too soon. However I do realise this is how I feel about him and not how my DD may see him. I have made sure she maintains contact with him for the last 17 plus yrs. I've also worked hard to make sure she keeps in contact with his Mum, her Nan. They still see each other but not so often these days as she is now 17 and has her own social life but also because he's showing his true colours to her and she's not that keen on what she's seeing.

I've never had an issue prvoing who she is, it's just a case of remembering to take all the paperwork( deed polls etc) plus the normal stuff like her BC.