The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

SimIsOnTheUp

graemecarter wrote: »

Morning Jo.

Nothing changed with my drinking until I changed myself.
If there was one constant in why my own attempts always ended in failure, it was me. I could change my circumstances, routines, etc but these things were destined to fail. That's because I was the same.
For me, it was not easy for me to stop drinking as I am alcoholic, and alcoholics drink. I can never NOT be an alcoholic, but I can stop fighting my alcoholism and learn to live with it. When I started to do that, the desire to drink was lifted.
Honesty, openness, and willingness are the three things I needed to start recovery. I had to be willing to go to any length, open to new ideas, and honest with others, but most of all myself.

Hiya Graeme,

You talk so much sense, but this whole 'I am alcoholic...I can never not be an alcoholic.." concept, which AA believe 100%, I really struggle with!

The whole 'powerlessness' thing - I'm not sure if that approach is positive, or helpful

That's why I stopped going to meetings!

That, and I don't think the 12 Steps, really address the underlying issues, as to what drives people to drink.

Cheers,

Sim.

graemecarter

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

Hiya Graeme,

You talk so much sense, but this whole 'I am alcoholic...I can never not be an alcoholic.." concept, which AA believe 100%, I really struggle with!

The whole 'powerlessness' thing - I'm not sure if that approach is positive, or helpful

That's why I stopped going to meetings!

That, and I don't think the 12 Steps, really address the underlying issues, as to what drives people to drink.

Cheers,

Sim.

I struggled with the concept too. No-one wants to believe they are alcoholic, especially alcoholics. However, it was important for me to believe it otherwise I would try drinking again.
I had tried will power, tried beer only, tried not drinking before 6pm, tried drinking only when out, tried drinking only at weekends, etc and none of it worked for more than a few weeks.
I went to a lot of meetings, and started to listen to the similarities. There were many. I am alcoholic today, and that's as far forward as I need to believe.

I also hated the powerlessness concept. But evidence of my drinking showed me that I would drink when I shouldn't, I would drink when I didn't want to, I would drink when the consequences were bad.
That is powerlessness.
It's ok to be powerless over something. It is what it is. I didn't plan it this way, or want it this way. But I get on with it, and make my life as great as possible. Someone once said "People who fight addictions die, people who accept them survive".
I accepted I am powerless, and when that happened the urge to drink diminished.
I find it helpful for me.

No-one knows why I am an alcoholic. The 12 steps don't tell me why. But no Doctor, website, book, or individual CAN tell me why I am alcoholic. My brother isn't. My parents are not alcoholics. I am one. And that's that.
The 12 steps have helped me clear the wreckage of my past up, and help me stay sober. They ensure I don't drink today

A lot of people have abusive childhoods and are not alcoholics. I had a happy childhood and am an alcoholic. So I do not know why I am.
However, if I get hung up on WHY I am alcoholic, I lose focus on not drinking. If I drink, my life gets messy, painful, and complicated.

People stop trying new methods when they find one that works. I found something that works for me. So I don't look for other methods to stop drinking.
If I have questions about AA or sobriety, I ask people in AA face-to-face, or share it at meetings.

Not drinking doesn't make me a recovering alcoholic. It just makes me an alcoholic that doesn't drink. I feel there is a big difference.

Good luck whatever you choose to do.

heath480

Briliant post that Graeme.

I never analyse why I am an Alcoholic,my Mother was and it killed her,I thought I was different and that if I ever thought I was drinking too much I would stop.:mad:.Easier said than done.

I so love my life today,drinking for me was a ful time job,thinking about it and planning it took up a lot of my time,then the withdrawals after.

Glorious evening here.I have 2 of my adult children here for the evening,great.

Enjoy the rest of the day all.:A

Marru

My feeling about this (and I could be wrong) is that alcoholism is an illness. Same as depression is illness. Same as cancer is illness. We don't know why we get ill. Young and fit people get cancer, people from different areas of life get depressed. Obviously the treatment for all these are different but in the end of the day there are treatments e.g. CBT for depression.

Before I got depressed I thought depression would be something that one could just shake off and "get on with it" but after experiencing it myself it is not the case. And more I tried the harder it was and more I was beating myself and so on and so on.

To carry on with the comparison above (that they are all illnesses) nobody would expect a cancer patient to just "get on with it" and to "will themselves better".

I am using the comparison to depression instead of alcoholism as that is what I know and where my experience is but I don't think it is that much different from alcoholism. But after having been reading this thread for almost a year now I do understand the "accepting being powerless" as then you can stop fighting with what you don't want and concentrate on what you do want and also that takes an awful lot of negative emotions out of the equation like why can't I do better instead of putting the energy into recovery.

ETA: sorry forgot to say 24 please Miss P

Marru

Jo, I have been digging out some of your old posts like THIS and THIS
Can you remember what was different then that helped you? Also do you still have the CBT material if so perhaps you could revisit that. HERE is a good website.

skintscottishgirl

graemecarter wrote: »

I think we all want that little pill that has no consequences.....she'll be looking for a long time for the magic cure. I searched for well over a decade, and finally realised that I had to make the change. Nothing could do it for me....

While we're on the subject, has anyone heard of Naltrexone?

It's not licenced in the UK for alcohol misuse, but if you have an understanding GP apparently it works a treat.

80% success rate apparently...

It's licenced in the UK for heroin addicts, who don't want to take it, but studies such as the Sinclair Method have shown it to be effective for a large amount of people who have alcohol problems.

I was sorely tempted to ask my GP about it but never did.

Now i think (at this moment in time) i would like to just stop drinking in the flat on my own, and drink sensibly when not at home.

It's worth googling Naltrexone and The Sinclair Method

Very interesting to say the least:)

skintscottishgirl

Miss_Piggy wrote: »

Yes, Fay does post on here but is at present very busy moving house single-handedly!

Maybe a PM would have been more appropriate?

Miss P

You took the words out my mouth!:)

skintscottishgirl

Marru wrote: »

Two days behind us and day three 3 hours in, how are peeps doing? Let me know and you will get a star

DecemberBaby
Fay
Lurkio
Marru
Miss Piggy
Newroadahead
Skintscottishgirl

Hi Marru

Any chance of putting 2 stars next to my name please?

Have been very good!

Thanks

XX

DecemberBaby_2

Thanks for the great posts GC, Heath and Marru.

I don't know why people get so concerned with the word "powerless". I think Marru's comparison to illness is helpful. I read the powerless part to mean that you really don't have a choice whether you are an alcoholic or not. Accepting that and
that you are powerless to get rid of it, is what I think GC is saying made such a difference for him.

All the trying to control and limit drinking just makes it more painful.

I can't believe it! As I was typing I had a call from the alcohol counselling centre to say they can now offer me a fortnightly appointment starting on the 6th July! Should eventually become weekly.

SSG - I've been saying I don't want to drink alone for a very long time but can I do it? I'm fine when out and can drink lime and soda no problem!

DB x

ETA: A tiny bit more on power and personal responsibility and I'll shut up!
Accepting the powerlessness could mean that you then indeed do have a great deal of power and personal responsibility over what you choose to do about it. I hope that makes sense. It does to me but I'm not as great at explaining things as some others are.

Marru

Two and a quarter days in and we have:

DecemberBaby

Fay
Lurkio
Marru
Miss Piggy
Newroadahead
Skintscottishgirl