Help someone please, it's too much.....

Ava8

Thanks everyone, This morning when I wrote this I was at the end of my rope but as Thomas Jefferson said, "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on" guess I have no choice really do I? Things do seem darkest at dawn and I had spent the night in the spare room. Maybe now the weekend is here and I get my final bits in the post to payplan my head might clear.... And i've got loads of homework to throw myself in to. thanks for the support, I do feel stronger now after reading your kind words and thank you for not judging me everyone.

trudij

Good. The IVA board gang are a pretty formidable bunch when we get going - we wont let you feel alone !!!

xx

Ava8

Hello again everyone, Today has been a bit better than yesterday and i hope tomorrow will be better still. I had a phonecall from my advisor at Payplan and she was just enquiring if i had returned all my 'bits and pieces' I did, I posted them late last night. So just waiting for them to send my proposal back for me to see and then off to my creditors for a meeting. fingers crossed. And thanks again for the support, I have no family or friends to speak to and your support has made such a difference to me. (and i slag my OH off when he sits on the forums for too long, saying he is a saddo!!) Lol

Cheers:rotfl:

GEEGEE8

Ava8..
I don't think you have done anything wrong but be silly with money - I'm a previous bankrupt, so that isn't a criticism x
Hubby needs to start to take repsonsibility a bit more and stop dragging you down so much. It's not fair that you feel this upset because of his comments. It sounds like you are doing loads to try and sort this out, and he needs to realise this.
I hope you get it sorted, and stop feeling guilty okay! If you want to get things back on track then stick to the IVA/DMP and remind him how far you have come in college and sorting out the debts etc.. x

Ava8

Thanks, but really I don't want anyone thinking he is a bad husband, I let him down and I know this. It's that bit that's killing me. I know it will never be as good as it was and I have to face that. He is a good husband and a great father and I am sorry and will be sorry for ever for the stupid way I acted. i tried to get myself out of the 'doo-doo' for so long getting one loan after another to dig my way out and only ended up getting in deeper, if i had come clean quicker - it might have been easier.

My life has changed now forever and I can't get the old me back.....
But do I want to???? Not really.

Nargleblast

Ava - thanks for posting on here. As a previous poster has said, you have recognised your financial problems and are taking steps to sort them out. You are also about to finish a long course of study, gaining a recognised qualification which means you will always be able to support yourself, pay your bills and have a reasonable lifestyle. Carry on with the IVA, make it work.

Nargleblast

And as far as the business with your husband is concerned, just make sure that you keep lines of communication open. He may just be taking out his anger and frustration on you - you cannot surely be the entire and sole cause of his financial mess, he must have some responsibility for it somewhere. You are not a worthless specimen of humanity, remember that. Thank your lucky stars you do not have young children living with you to complicate things. Work hard at your job and your course, get your qualification, get that IVA up and running, and start making a new life. If your OH wants to play silly beggars and keep floating in that river in Egypt (denial!) that is up to him. Hopefully he will see how sensible you are now being, realise it is unfair to try and lump all the blame on you, and be willing to work with you to resolve things between you. Do not, however, worry about where he is going to live or how he is going to sort his financial situation out. That is for him to deal with, he only has to stop all the verbal abuse and ask you in a civilised manner for help if he needs it. Hopefully you will both get over this bad patch and make a new life for yourselves. If however he does not want that, at least you will have the tools and the strength to survive alone.

trudij

Glad you are feeling better about things - baby steps.... it will all be ok, you'll see.

xx

Ava8

Thanks all for taking the trouble to listen to my rant, i know you all have been throught the mill....
I hope i can return the support one day if ever needed. Off for a sleep now as this lap top is red hot and heating my knees up!!!! back to the essay in the morning. It's a pity the topic is not 'money' i could fill a book now... :rotfl::rotfl:

Charco_2

I'm sorry I missed this thread before but it's amazing the network of support that exists on these boards. Complete strangers who you can tell really care about a random name on an anonymous thread.

The advice has been great and varied, from moral support to financial hints. It's amazing though the pressure debt can put on someone/a couple/a family! And so for me, that's the most important piece of advice doled out above: keep the lines of communication open with your hubby.

You're both under immense pressure now but the right debt solution can help to alleviate that. It would be awful to let your marriage become just another statistic, a victim of financial bad luck.

You obviously (rightly or wrongly) feel that the lions share of the responsibility for you current situation lies at your feet. It's not a time for recriminations though! You obviously love your husband so try to sort things out with him - he's angry and may say things that hurt you or thing he might later regret (or not) but it's the debt talking. The pressure!

Suck it up, smile and say sorry. You didn't deliberately go out to run up unmanageable debts but regardless that's where you now are.

When you look back on this in a year's time, or two years or five, you'll not be wondering how you could've managed a better debt solution or how the banks could've received more of their money back. You'll either wonder could you have done more for your marriage and family or be grateful you did enough! And that's what's more important!