Help someone please, it's too much.....

immoral_angeluk

Ava8 wrote: »

Thanks, but really I don't want anyone thinking he is a bad husband, I let him down and I know this. It's that bit that's killing me. I know it will never be as good as it was and I have to face that. He is a good husband and a great father and I am sorry and will be sorry for ever for the stupid way I acted. i tried to get myself out of the 'doo-doo' for so long getting one loan after another to dig my way out and only ended up getting in deeper, if i had come clean quicker - it might have been easier.

My life has changed now forever and I can't get the old me back.....
But do I want to???? Not really.

Right.. first things first, you need to stop all the "I let him down, it's my fault, I've acted stupid" stuff. It's absolute rubbish. You BOTH have gotten to this point. Do NOT let him pin the blame on you. Being in debt, having tried to get yourself out of it is nothing to be blamed for.
I think you could really do with some advice from either CAB about the financial aspects or from Relate. But you can't do anything until you stop letting him pin the blame for it all on you, as he's making you weak and feel worthless, which is only going to compound the trouble you are in and will not help.

Ava8

Hi,
You've all been so kind to me and I appreciate it very much. Things are getting slightly better between my OH and me. we are making a huge effort to keep communicating, it's not easy at times. He has been under tremendous stress also and not the guy that some may have initially thought when my post first went up. He's certainly not abusive towards me he just can't cope with the worry we are going through either. it has aged us and our health has suffered 'big style' I don't yet know how it will pan out, i'm not sure when our creditor meetings will be but I am experiencing that strange sensation others have reported of a good day - then a bad day - that's the way i think it's going to be for a while. I still hate myself though and don't know if that will ever go away. Guilt is a strong emotion!! But thanks again for the support

trudij

soon as the creditors meeting is out of the way, you will be amazed how much easier things get. !!!! happens,and whatever the reason you get yourself into a mess, nobody does it with the intention of not paying it back, just doesnt always happen as easily as you think it will.

I fell into the getting a loan to pay off other things trap too - and when I took my last job, I also took a 1/3 pay cut to go there. Best work move I ever made - but financially it was my downfall. If it wasnt for my IVA, I dread to think what sort of trouble I would be in by now - and I can only too well remember the fear when each months statements came through....

keep strong - both of you. It will get easier,and to be honest - I find it quite fun being thrifty !!!

Nargleblast

Thanks for posting again, Ava, and it's good to hear things have settled a bit. I am sure that once you get your IVA up and running you will find things easier - you will have a set budget and some kind of structure for your monthly spending. Then you can look ahead to holiday time and Christmas, and plan ahead. Imagine how good it will feel when you look back this coming New Years Eve and say to yourself "Thank goodness I did Christmas without taking out loans or credit - no nasty bills to dread in January!" I am sure that your OH will soon get on board and work with you in this.

Ava8

Hi again All,
Isn't it strange how when you are super busy - you don't have time to think about the mess your life is in? Then 'BAM' it hits you!! I'm on AL from work this week and using it as study leave for my last push - then i'm a teacher!!!! What a joke eh? And 'no' I don't teach Ecconomics!! Just as well.

I am worried though. I am paying £160 under my DMP and Payplan are going to put this amount forward as my IVA amount. I was paying £90 originally in my DMP but after my I&E was carried out - they came up with the £160. My new payments started a month ago even though i am still only in my DMP. My thoughts are however, whats to stop my creditors from saying 'she is already 160 - vote NO and we will get paid more at the end of the day' Unless of course they are more secure in an IVA, Are they?

Nargleblast

Your IVA company would not submit a proposal unless they thought it had a good chance of being accepted, as they would not get paid a penny if it didn't go through. They will present a case comparing the returns expected on the IVA with what the creditors could get (usually near as dammit zilch) if they pushed for bankruptcy. And with an IVA the creditors would get a reasonable return within 5-6 years - compared with how many years in a DMP? Your creditors would probably consider selling on your debt for about 15p in the pound anyway, so it would benefit them more to agree to the IVA. If they have any objections, your IVA company would renegotiate their fees to try and come up with a solution that everyone is happy with. If one creditor still says no, then provided all the "yeses" add up to 75% or more of the total debt then it's hard cheese, the IVA will be passed. Hope this helps.

Ava8

Well, here I am again - and I still need help.... The situation just gets worse; We have started divorce proceedings and this decision was arrived at jointly. It's what we both want, we are parting friends (which I know sounds strange but we both need/want a fresh start) it's not going to be pain free but I know it's the best way forward.

The IVA people have got back to me and my original £160 has doubled and it looks like an IVA is not the most likely route for me. I am now speaking to an advisor from Bridgewood about BR. They are so far the only company I have contacted and their BR expert is calling me on Mon evening. Because I am moving out and I will never be able to afford rent and an IVA it will be my only option really. what should I be looking for in the way of advice? I don't even know the questions to ask? Is it possible that I could fill in all my own paperwork and save money there? God this is a 'messy' post.

I'm sorry but i just can't think straight anymore. I've just about had it.... Any suggestions? (please)

Nargleblast

Ask the folks on the bankruptcy forum, Ava, lots of them have been there, done that, got the tee shirt etc so can help with that. You say the situation is getting worse - perhaps it is not so much getting worse as turning a corner and taking a new direction. Press on with getting your qualification, then you will always be able to support yourself. The divorce will come and go, and you will be single again and starting a new life. If you go bankrupt then it will be tough at times, but with the support of the community on the Bankruptcy forum you will get through it. Try and get some input from them before you talk to the BR advisor, then you will know the right questions to ask. Hang on in there.

confused76

hi there
as said, post on the br board and there are plenty of us who have been there....

you really need to take advice from one of the free debt charities - the national debtline, cccs or cab will all be able to help you. please do not pay for advice as this can all be done for free

edit - yes you can do your own paperwork for free, i did mine and most people do. if you get stuck the cab will help with paperwork - for free
x

Nargleblast

There you go, Ava, you asked for advice - and it came winging your way! Keep posting and let us know how you get on.