Community Service......help please!

Janepig

Happy_Girl wrote: »

What will happen is that once he has signed the form to allow her to access his medical info, she will contact the Doctor for professional advice about his condition. Then she will write a report for the court recommending the rehab support and it will be up to the Court as to whether they approve it

The Court don't always act on the Pos report, so be prepared for that. Other options may include a curfew daily/weekly for a period of time to be decided by the court. I have seen curgews issued for 3 months daily 7pm to 7am for example. They could add even more upw hours which wouldn't make any sense but there you go, or they could recommend the alcohol support/supervision. The last resort would be custody, but tbh this is more likely if he currently has a Suspended Sentence rather than a Community Order

The PO will do whatever they can to support you, but Judges and Magistrates will make their own minds up re sentencing. It is subjective and can vary from region to region within the guidelines as different people can interpret them in different ways

Please do come back and update after the court hearing

They won't do either of these because it's not a breach so he doesn't need additional "punishment" iykwim. With a breach then the Court has to make the order more onerous (often with one of the things you suggest) or revoke it and impose imprisonment.

However this would (from the OP's description) be a revocation and re-sentence in the interests of justice once the Probation Officer has proof of his inability to complete his hours and then something more suitable has to be imposed instead, but not something that would take him further up the tarif than he already is. Summertime curfews do tend to (but not always) be later in the evening, say 9pm-7am or even later (hours of darkness).

OP did you find out any more about why your ex got this order seeing as it couldn't have been for No Insurance?

Jxx

far2812

Hi Jane - no - i have written back to the probation officer on John's behalf stating that we did think it was a little high in the first place! So we'll just wait and see..........

Anyway - most important update is that he DIDN'T go into rehab on Thursday - so so gutted - he is promising everyone he will go in on Tuesday but as we say "forgotten promises" from alcoholics! I just pray he does otherwise it won't be the law he is in trouble with - his whole life will become trouble for him!

he has got this opportuninty NOW and needs to take it before things get out of hand!

will keep you all updated and again thanks very much for all the support as usual!
x

Janepig

far2812 wrote: »

Hi Jane - no - i have written back to the probation officer on John's behalf stating that we did think it was a little high in the first place! So we'll just wait and see..........

Were you in Court with him or are you relying on what he says he was in Court for? It's soul destroying to see someone so unwilling to accept the help on offer though.

Jxx

far2812

Yes I was in Court with him - he had previously lost his licence 2 times for drink driving (he wasn't this time!) - so maybe that's why they gave him more of a ticking off you do think? However - he TRULY did believe that he was insured on his father's policy but his father was on holiday and had changed his insurance and forgotten to put him on the new one!

Do you know- I have had so much going on - I could do with the break from him - he is very hard work 24 hours a day but I cannot give up on him - he does want the help but i know that he is SO scared - which I suppose is understandable but surely going through a bit of pain initially would all be worth it!

x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

1. Scared of not being able to drink everyday.

2. Scared of having to take responsibility for his actions rather than blame you, his parents, everyone else other than himself.

3. Scared that someone might tell the DVLA that he is medically unfit to drive. Which all alcoholics are unless the DVLA has confirmed after they have declared the condition they can have their licence. The law demands that he has to tell them of the diagnosis.

4. Scared that you won't be around to enable him anymore.

5. Scared you won't fall for his lies.

You're being played. You left him but you're still cleaning up his mess. All that means is that you've freed him from the constraints of the relationship of a sexual partner and become another Mummy to run to.

And as one human to another, I'm sorry for this loss.

Janepig

far2812 wrote: »

Yes I was in Court with him - he had previously lost his licence 2 times for drink driving (he wasn't this time!) - so maybe that's why they gave him more of a ticking off you do think? However - he TRULY did believe that he was insured on his father's policy but his father was on holiday and had changed his insurance and forgotten to put him on the new one!

Do you know- I have had so much going on - I could do with the break from him - he is very hard work 24 hours a day but I cannot give up on him - he does want the help but i know that he is SO scared - which I suppose is understandable but surely going through a bit of pain initially would all be worth it!

x

Was he also then done perhaps for driving whilst disqualified? When he was done for the second drink drive he would have had a mandatory 3 year ban, and you're banned until you apply for your licence back.

It does seem that he's got everyone at his beck and call and while that's happening it's not worth his while to go into rehab and start taking a bit of responsibility himself.

Jxx

far2812

Well that's the thing - we have all backed off now since thursday - I havent answered calls etc. That was the rule - that we would all be there for him if HE wanted to get better - but if he didn't and didn't take the chance up - then we would back up - and we are all sticking to our true promise to him!

The judge is renowned apparently in Nottingham for being very strict and he listed all his previous convictions - all driving offences etc. Either way - he has got to get better before he can do this - if not - then maybe jail will be his only answer - and in a way - actually do him a favour!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

[applauds]

Watch out for the late night suicide messages. They usually come once the addict thinks 'hang on, they might be serious'.

When you don't rise to them, and they realise it's not working, they usually get aggressive either verbally or physically.

A bit of stirring, parents and friends get told you were cheating, you get told something vile about parents or something from childhood (previous abuse or killing someone when out of it - so no details and no chance of telling police and checking - are common ones).

Pretending nothing has happened and they're now clean as a whistle after you set them straight are common too.

All nonsense and cynically planned to get you all back toeing the line.

If unsuccessful, they look for someone else to feed from, taunt you with it if they succeed. By then you're nearly free.

Good luck on this.

far2812

Sounds like I am in for it really JoJo doesn't it - he tried calling a 12pm last night but I didn't call - he has left a message but I havent listened to it - his parents are away on holiday so he has got 2 options in my eyes - the right road or the wrong road! Only he can decide. x

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

'Fraid so - but at least if you know it's a possibility, it's less likely to work. It's not like he hasn't willingly put you through the wringer for years already, though, is it?

Addicts rely on ruling the roost - everything's always all about them - their emotions, their 'needs', their being shortchanged by you, their parents, society, everything. Even things that don't on the surface revolve around them invariably do - anything you do is coloured by the expectation/dread that he will be out of it/abusive/stinking/charming/funny/will be different this time/will do the same as usual. With some, even if they never touch a drop again, they retain that control with the threat, obvious or implicit - 'If you don't do what I want forever, I'll go back on the drink again (and it'll be all your fault)"

His emotional pain is, of course, so much more intense than yours - he has had to deal with you leaving him, after all, and his illnesses, and guilt from the way he's treated you, blah blah blah.....

You can do this - it could be his last ditch attempt at making everyone bend to his will. If it fails, he then has the chance to consider whether he wants to continue to his grave or sort himself out. Choose to live or choose to die. Whatever. Either of these are nothing to do with you (in the nicest possible sense). It's his problem, not yours.

I don't see it so much as alcohol abuse, I see it as domestic abuse because of the way it tears other people apart so much more than the User. But I'm hard like that.

Keep calm and well done for getting so far.