Feeling dangerously depressed

Ames

Hi Jim.

I've taken an overdose due to debt, believe me it's really not worth it.

I also have bipolar, I've a few things put in place to stop me getting like your wife does, so that when I recognise the trigger I can put the brakes on straight away. Do you think she wants to change or not? Does she have a psychiatrist? Mine has put me in touch with a couple of support organisations which have been fantastic.

One thing you could suggest to her is that if she wants, say, an exercise bike, she could get a cheap freecycle one (or a real bike) and then if she's still using it and wants one in three months then you can talk about it - It's pretty certain she wont want one then. In fact, she may well have gone off the idea by the time you get a free one!

Just try not to fall for her manipulation - and she's manipulating herself as well as you. I often look back and see how I justified some random spend to myself and others, when it was really all bs.

Does she have things stocked up from other manic spending? Maybe say she can have the exercise bike (or whatever it is today) if she makes the money selling old stuff. I've just randomly bought a drum kit, which I've told myself I need to ebay the pile of old obsession stuff to pay for.

niccatw

Hi Jim

I can only re-iterate what RAS has said. To take care of your family in the commendable and wonderful way you have been doing, you really do need to remember to take care of you too.

It seems you have spent so long supporting every-one else and worrying about everything, that you haven't stopped to procees your thoughts and feelings on things. I'd also guess you've never really had the chance to "grieve" the wife you married, before she came ill.

And because you've been worrying about everything else, you have probably pushed your own needs aside and that "niggling" feeling that "you haven't been yourself" for quite some time?

I would strongly recommend speaking to your GP and asking for a referral to counselling. My difficulties are nothing compared to what you deal with on a daily basis, but it all got too much for me, and seeking help from my lovley GP (not the bad cop one!) has been the best thing I did. Counselling this time round came at the right time for me and I am getting so much more out of it. I'm even about to look up a recommended book on cognitive behavioural therapy on amazon....

Please, please do speak to some-one about your mental health needs. Only once you have done this will you be able to see you and your wife's relationship since her diagnosis in a more objective way. And only then will you know whether you can continue to fight to keep the realtionship or whether you can support her much more easily if you are apart.

Take care Jim. Big hugs to you and your kids. Please think of you and get the help you deserve .

Norfolk_Jim

Its the end of the day. Thank you for all your kind posts. I'm going home now. I would reply to you all but I'm feeling rather numb at the moment so please forgive me, I'm not ignoring your posts, just need a little time.

RAS

Jim

Please take the time you need, we will be here when you want to post. And please do not feel obliged to us in any way, you have enough obligations already.

Hugs

Sleep tight

RAS

savingwannabe

Hello Jim,

I hope the posts have sunk in a little. MSE is like a family, there is always someone on here.

I was suicidal and i was sent to my doctor kicking and screaming as i kept on thinking i could beat it. I am better now and am still having therapy, it is a move in the right direction. I know I do feel better. I hope you do go to chat to them. They will help.

Just remember you are precious. Your children love you and you love them. So many people on this site joined with the most dreadful debt problems and having joined, they feel better. They are making a start. You have already done that so well done.

Please hang in there. Your posting is a cry for help and it will get better. The second step is going to talk to the Samaritans or a GP. Everything else can wait. Focus on a day to day basis.

It will get better. You are not alone my dear friend. Please be kind to yourself and seek help.

:j

NualaBuala

Hi Jim,

I remember reading your posts before, what a horrible situation you're in!

I know that trapped feeling as I've been there before, but there is always a way of working things out even if it's not apparent yet.

I'm not familiar with how things work in the UK but there must be some help available - legal/financial/counselling etc. You say your wife is sick - has she been diagnosed and is she receiving help? I wonder is there some way of separating your finances even if you do not feel divorce is an option? Although RAS is right - it could be worth considering divorce. It doesn't necessarily mean you turn your back on your wife. I separated more than a year ago and my ex and I are good friends who still take care of each other as best we can.

Jim, you know how on planes you are told to put your own oxygen mask on first before trying to help someone else? Well right now you need to take care of yourself first so you have the ability to keep being a great Dad to your children and no doubt a wonderful husband and friend too. And please please don't think of suicide or harming yourself. You are irreplacable. This WILL get sorted out.

Love and hugs,
Nuala x

P.S. I'm only a PM away if you ever need to chat. Take care

skintdragon

Jim,

I just wanted to wish you well, and say that if you ever need to vent, then you have come to the right place.

Your wife may not have an appreciation of debt like you. I am assuming you have tried to sit her down and discuss this calmly? Does she work at all?

I am not sure if I am offering the "right" advice, but it may be an idea to sit down with her and work out what your monthly expenditure is, and show her that you BOTH need to address this once and for all.

Please don't think I am trying to tell you how to live your life. If you think you may be clinically depressed it's important to seek help asap before things get out of hand.

Please take care.

nanna58

:grouphug:what an awful situation for you but if you are strong together you must sit down and talk. money is not worth breaking up for
complain on here all you want:):)

katsu

Jim,

Lots of people have said things that I hope brings you some comfort. I've been trying to think what other help can you put in place to support you with this, and hope some of he following may add to the suggestions already given:

* are you or your wife religious? If so you may get some support from your vicar/church community (read vicar/church to mean any other religious group you belong to).

* Does your company have an employee assistance programme? They are usually a telephone helpline you can call anonymously which may offer you support with counselling sessions or advice on support groups etc that you could join.

*are you in a trade union - they may be able to offer you access to some support maybe?

Whatever the problem, it is never worth killing yourself over. You say you have children - please don't deprive them of your support.

Get some help for how you feel and support in moving forward. There is support out there, and as already posted, the Samaritans are available 24:7. You are never alone with your problems.

Good luck.

Buffythedebtslayer

Jim, I have read some of your posts before and you are lovely, please keep posting and remember you are not alone, we are thinking of you willing you to go to the docs and hang in there

Love buffy xxx