Feeling dangerously depressed

Norfolk_Jim

My wifes out of control spending is driving me to my wits end. She just will not stop spending and every day theres something else she wants. I've had an awful row with her today because she kept texting and calling me at work wanting me to go out and buy an exercise bike. Yesterday it was a mattress, the day before it was a bed, it just never stops. We are about 28000 in debt but she still does not get it.
Now I'm sitting here at work dreading the end of dinner time and dreading going home. I have thought of divorce as my only option but I promised my children I'd never do that to them. At times I think of driving into a truck on the way home, then she'd get the insurance and maybe she would be happy with me at last, but I wouldnt devestate my family or the other driver - I feel like I'm cracking up again but I dont dare to crack up as if I lose my job, well, we would maybe lose everything I've ever worked for. Now work has limited my personal use of the internet to 10 minutes. I just dont know what to do any more - I've about had enough of everything but I feel so trapped. I have to carry on, for their sakes but I am so unhappy, I just dont know what to do.
Dont know what good writing this has done - I just wanted to unload on someone, anyone, even strangers. It just seems to get worse every day but I'm living with the enemy and I still love her though at times I hate her. oh well.

*Dusty*

Is money really worth leaving your kids permanently for? Hell no...

Does your wife realise the extent of things? Maybe some form of counselling?

Anyhow, hope you get it sorted.

elsie52

Hold on there Jim,

Rattle away on here and we'll listen.

wannaberich1

Hi Jim,

I don't know what to say, I really feel for you and I hope that things get better.

It isn't easy living with someone who spends all the time, do you know why she is doing it? Maybe she needs another hobby (one that isn't as expensive as shopping)

Have you sat down with her and told her how down her constant spending is making you feel? Maybe she doesn't realise the full extent of your feelings?

I hope that everything works out for you

xx

elsie52

Ignore the wants.......do you have control of the finances.....take her card away.....

Sit down with her, get all your bills, statements etc together and make her fully aware of the amount that you owe.

You cannot do this alone, she needs to be fully aware of the situation, get her to read this site and see what others are doing.....take a bit of advice from someone who was £74k in debt.....and let me assure you that nothing is worth doing something " silly", especially not money.

Elsie

FatVonD

Try Freecycle for an exercise bike to keep her happy in the short term but if she's as bad as you say you should also check your credit rating in case she's also running up debts you don't know about.

Make sure all the household bills are in your name to make it difficult for her to provide proof of address for any new credit and then just say NO!

Norfolk_Jim

She knows, she knows how much we are in debt, she knows how unhappy I am, she knows I have suicidal thoughts, she knows that if she applies the right pressure she gets what she wants. She isnt evil, she is sick and now I am sick too. Its not her fault, its mental illness, in sickness and in health and all that. Must return to work now. Thanks

RAS

Jim

Hi Ras here. I have not read your recent posts nbut right now, hugs to you.

Please please can you get somewhere private and ring your GP and ask for an appointment. If things get really bad, ring Samaritans.

I know that you have promised your children you would never divorce, but actually, I think you really really need to consider that. This is not about love or hate, it is about the sheer practicality of trying to raise a family on one income with a partner who has a disorder that is not being treated (or cannot be treated) effectively.

My mother loved my father desparately, long after she left him and finally divorced him. She was devastated when he remarried and by his later death.

But very fortunately for us kids our then GP very starkly explained that given her husband's mental health issues, there was no realistic possibility that she was ever going to live with him and not risk her husband wrecking ever financial arrangment she made; we had been evicted twice in less than a year and had an court date for repossession of the third house, in which we were staying and we were often hungry.

Whilst you appear to cope, neither your wife nor her medics will really take action to sort out her problems.

You can love her and accept that living in the same house is not an option.

Big big hugs. Wish i could make things better as you are such a lovely guy.

Positive

Jim,

I'm just a newbie and I see from your post that you've been a member for some time so I'm not sure if you have posted about this before, and I don't know anything about your situation apart from this one post.

I didn't want to read and run though.

This is not worth ending your life over, although I can hear how close to the edge you are.

I don't know if your marriage is fine apart from the spending though? If it is then tackle that by taking control of the finances, if you are the only earner I would put the account into your name only.

If there is more at play here than the spending then all I can suggest is counselling.

Unhappiness is the killer.

simpywimpy

There is always someone who will listen to your concerns Jim. Either online or by phone (samaritans) so please don't feel you are completely on your own.

The other advice to remove the cards is a good one. Cut them up even if in her name only and at least it will give you a breathing space.

If you think this is something of a mental illness for your wife then you must get help. If she won't go to the doctor, make an appointment for yourself and tell them about her and of course your own problems.

To often the partner gets left behind to struggle and you MUST think of yourself and get help and support. You dont say how old your children are but is there someone in the family or a close friend even, that you could confide in for support through this?

Please don't suffer on your own. There is always a solution somewhere, you just need help finding it.

Suicide is never a good idea, too many people are hurt but if that does get to feel like your only option, please pick up the phone to the samaritans. They are the lovliest of people who will not judge you at all but will listen and help you.

Good luck my friend x

misscousinitt

Didn't want to read and run. ((((hugs))))

Please take the advice of GP and / or Samaritans.

Take care.