Feeling dangerously depressed

Luckystepho

Hi Jim, I seem to remember from a previous thread that your wife does have some mental health issues so must be really difficult for you.
But whenever you feel down or just need a good rant, you will always find support on here.

BOB_A_H

Norfolk_Jim wrote: »

She knows, she knows how much we are in debt, she knows how unhappy I am, she knows I have suicidal thoughts, she knows that if she applies the right pressure she gets what she wants. She isnt evil, she is sick and now I am sick too. Its not her fault, its mental illness, in sickness and in health and all that. Must return to work now. Thanks

You MUST make an appointment to see your GP. You are clearly suffering from depression, not just " a bit down in the dumps. " The two are poles apart.

There is very little stigma attached to depression in this day and age. It is a recognised and serious condition which requires treatment. It is imperative you seek proffesional help sooner rather than later.

Depression creeps up on you, and before you know it, it is destroying every aspect of your life.

In your present state, you will not have the will to tackle your wifes spending problem. This is a common effect of your condition.Once you begin to get better then the challenge of other problems can start.

You must concentrate on your own health first. I want your promise that you will visit your GP. I am three months into my treatment. The side effects were terrible to begin with, but soon pass. I am actually getting some positive thoughts for the first time in years.

Good luck,

Bob

Tixy

Hi Jim

I am sorry that things don't seem to have got any better, and it really seems like it is taking a real toll on you (understandably) I do hope you can get some help and agree that going to the docs is a good starting place.

They should be able to help you, and just maybe it might help your wife realise the effect her own issues are having on you.

Do take care Jim and whenever you feel bad remember there are always people on here night & day as well as plenty of proper professional places of support out there as others have already mentioned.

DarkConvict

Firstly, big hug.

Secondly, my advice is generally rather blunt and to the point so do take it with a pinch of salt.

You say if she applies enough pressure she gets what she wants, to me she has applied more than enough to get you coming back at her now.

---

Finances

Who has control of the finances.
Who has the credit cards/accounts in whos name.
If they are in your name only, report the cards lost so they are cancelled this will put a stop to that spending, and never give her the new cards.

If they are in her name only, you are not liable for debts in her name. As the main earner stop giving her any money towards her cards.

If they are in joint names, ask the accounts to be frozen, whilst you cannot close joint accounts without both signatures you can atleast freeze them and open up a new one in your name only. And work on sorting out debts you are liable for without the wife incurring more.

---- Health

I can't agree more, get to talk to a GP. Bi-polar seems to be quite often linked to debt due to highs and lows. I sadly do not know much about it so you really need to book a long/double appointment with your GP to raise the concerns

---- Marriage

Divorce is definatly something to consider, a broken home is bad but is much better than a hostile home.

JohnD76

Hang in there Jim,

You need to seek some help on this one for both you and your wife.

Please do not do anything as stupid and selfish as thinking about suicide, since this will affect your kids far more than getting divorced and will probably put them right where you are now.

Life assurance will not pay out for suicides.

Go see the GP and talk to the Samaritans Jim. This will really help. It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure and understandibl worried this may affect your job, but you really need to take some positive steps to getting this resolved.

All the best Jim.

John.

GEEGEE8

Oh dear, I'm sorry you feel so bad.

You have to say no to her.. x

You need to get through to her what the problem is and how badly it affects you.

I agree that if you have a joint account then tell her you are moving to a single account and to curb this spending you are giving her an 'allowance' or something..

If she is out of control herself, then in a strange way, she will appreciate you taking control and putting an end to this.

Otherwise, keep spending and go bankrupt in a few years.. Either way, it's not worth suicide, even bankruptcy isn't worth suicide, and then she won't be able to spend anything at all..

Hope you feel better x

jew-c-one

Firstly big manly hug!

Things can always & usually do, get better.
Focus and take control of your wifes spending,work WITH her and get her to work with you,she is not the enemy she loves you.probably more than you realise.
You need to talk everything through with her.

I also agree with the other guys that you would be better also talkng to your GP he/she can help.
As for the exercise bike....suggest to your wife to go on walks together with the kids,this will also help any depression. ( make time)

good luck and remember IT CAN ALWAYS GET BETTER.

See the good in the little things in life,the sun on your face,the smile of your child.

Good luck

JC

pure_dead_dopey

Jim

A big hug firstly.

Secondly, please reread RAS's post, she makes a lot of sense. I am the product of a similar situation and it would have been better to be out of it entirely. Its very difficult and I know you love her, but sometimes its got to tough love when all else fails, and you have to think of the kids.

Good luck and keep posting, you'll always get support on here

PDDxxx

Little_Miss_Uni-Debt

Hi Jim,

Just wanted to offer support. It sounds like you have been having a constant battle to stay afloat. You're taking it all on your shoulders and it's more than you need to. There's SO much help out there, ways to get YOU better and your wife and family, improving financially, physically and mentally.

A few questions spring to mind. What happens when the banks won't let you spend more? How will she change when she can't or can't get you to buy anything else?

Maybe it would be an idea to say that spending has ended full stop. Cut up cards (or keep one hidden to yourself for extreme emergencies) ask your bank to reduce limits so that it isn't you that has pressure put on you. It's no longer you saying no, it's the banks.

Maybe start by selling some of the many items that have caused the debt? I know that you may have to go through many many arguements, fights and screaming sessions but please know that you're pulling in the right direction.

I understand how living with mental health issues can make you deeply unhappy from first hand experience.

Please remember that the best thing a parent can do is to look after his/herself first and foremost. All a child wants is happy parents, whether they are together or not.

It sounds like you have coped admirably so far. You have your family's best interests at heart.

JohnD76

Jim,

Is there any possiblity of shifting her need to buy things to selling unwanted/used items on ebay, since this can be addictive too?

Just a thought.

John.