my otherhalf is have counselling and has not told me

Loulou2010

i would be pleased that he is being sensible enough to get help for whatever the problem is.

just be there and give him opportunites to talk if he wants to. he may tell u when he feels the time is ready.

bestpud

How did you know the email was from a counsellor before you opened it?

If it wasn't obvious from the name and/or subject line I'd be careful how you mention it if you do! I hate people reading things that are addresses to me so I'd be annoyed if I were him.

But then again, he can't be overly worried about you finding out as he hasn't covered his tracks very well!

I don't see a problem with him not telling you tbh - sometimes it's just easier that way. It could be about anything so try not to worry about it.

Or you could 'check' for eBay mail when he is sat at the screen and bring it up that way? I wouldn't push it if he's evasive though.

Gingham_Ribbon

studentgirl wrote: »

Evening all.

Iv just found out that my DH is having counselling and has chosen not to tell me, i simply dont understand. I thought everything was ok. I cant sleep. I dont want to ask him about it as I looked at his work email ( not like that ) I used ebay and the conformation is sent there. There was an email from the counc rearranging the appointment, and a return one with him thanking her for all of the support she has given him. I feel so betrayed as I thought that we were open and upfront with each other. What do i do ask him or simply wait for him to tell me.

I appreciate that you see this as a betrayal, but it really isn't and I think you need to look carefully at your reaction rather than your partner's actions.

Counselling is extremely private and, although some people find it useful to discuss what they've talked about afterwards, others need to keep it between the counsellor and themselves.

Since your partner has done nothing wrong, I think you need to find a way to accept that, in a strong relationship, you don't NEED to know every detail about each other's life. If he wants to tell you about it, he will, if he doesn't it says nothing about your relationship.

If your relationship is a good one, give him his privacy. It's a counsellor, not another woman.

Good luck.

studentgirl_2

Thanks for your replys on this. I do feel a bit hurt as we have been togeather for 15 years and I thought that we knew everything about each other. Iv decided that I should not mention it to him. It was his email to him not me. on reflection i think that I was acting in a selfish way thinking it was all about me. Im going to simply remind him just how much i love him and what a great dad he is. If he wants to talk he will in not he wont. Thanks all of you x x x

LeeSouthEast

Good attitude to have, studentgirl. He may open up to you after it has been resolved (I know I will tell my OH when mine is), but I don't want her worrying herself during it, as it won't achieve anything and will just be an added stressor that I don't need right now.

I'm not being selfish or secretive or 'macho' about the issue, and I don't your DH is either. I know certainly in my case, it's in her best interests not to mention it right now, and by association, mine too.

Jo_R_2

I might be assuming here but are you particularly worried not just because he's having the counselling that you didn't know about but that what he's having counselling for could be related to your relationship?

Obviously you don't know the answer but I'd bring it up, explain your concern and say, if that *is* what you are worried about, that this is your worry, is there anything you can do to help, if not you're here if/when he wants to talk.

If it's about something else then again being supportive but not intrusive I think is the best approach. As has been said it is a positive thing that he is seeking help and support about something he feels needs dealing with.

Gingham_Ribbon

studentgirl wrote: »

on reflection i think that I was acting in a selfish way thinking it was all about me.

I don't think you're being selfish. :beer: I think it's perfectly natural to feel bad about being excluded from a part of your partner's life. Just because there's no reason to expect him to share it with you doesn't mean that you're not allowed to feel confused or hurt when he makes decisions you don't understand! It doesn't mean anything about either of you so try not to worry!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Perhaps your instant reaction of being 'betrayed' gives an indication of exactly why he went to a counsellor in the first place. I would be wondering if he was unwell or whether he was contemplating changing job/career/study - so my first fault would be 'is he OK?' not 'OMG, he talked to a stranger before ME!'

studentgirl_2

Jojo that was a bit harsh

Gingham_Ribbon

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Perhaps your instant reaction of being 'betrayed' gives an indication of exactly why he went to a counsellor in the first place.

This is why so many people don't ask for help on here any more. You have no idea why he is seeing a counsellor so blaming the OP is not only unhelpful, it is also potentially very damaging.